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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum said no to helping me with the kids

163 replies

Teddybear080818 · 10/04/2019 11:09

Not sure if anybody remembers the thread (I had posted about doing a mutual exchange but the lady wanted me to pay for the damaged doors)

Anyway the council have agreed to fix them!! And I move in on Saturday. I first asked her if she could have my eldest for a few hours to allow me to move in peace (other kids going to other family) she said no, so I asked if she'd be willing to come and sit in the house while I pack and she said no.
So not to be accused of drip feeding, I offered to make her dinner and endless amounts of cups of tea and she still said no, she wouldn't have to change them or give them dinner. Just sit there and make sure they are fighting/licking doors while I run around!

I am beyond stressed trying to get packed, I have 3 days well technically 2 as I have a meeting with the council on Friday and then work Sad

If I am BU then can I have tips on how to get packed with very little time?!

OP posts:
AnemoneAnenome · 10/04/2019 11:13

Whether YABU or not is beside the point, you just need to crack on. Having proper moving boxes, lots of newspaper and tape to seal the boxes helps loads. Do you have those, or can you buy them? Argos sells some or you can get better quality ones from self storage places,but they are not cheap. Or ask on FB if anyone can lend or give you any.

You need to not get bogged down organising anything, just mechanically pack everything round the room from one corner. How old are the DC?

Cattucino · 10/04/2019 11:14

That's shit, did she say why?

Get LO to help do simple things eg put all the soft toys in a box.

downcasteyes · 10/04/2019 11:14

I'm afraid you are going to have your ass handed to you for expecting any help whatsoever from family, friends etc. You're supposed to manage everything single-handedly on here. It's hard to square with the picture that emerges from threads on family help and inheritance, which reveal many middle class families receiving extensive financial support Hmm.

My opinion: your DM is being a bit of a PITA not helping out, and you have every right to be a bit peeved. Next time she needs something, make sure you're not available. In the meantime, you need to work at it at a steady rate. Start at one end of the house, and work through and don't stop for much of a break. It will be knackering but you will get there. If you have friends you can rope in to help out in exchange for takeaway and beer, give them a ring!

Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 10/04/2019 11:16

I got boxes from my work thankfully and plenty of tape!! But there just looks to be shit everywhere!
I have 3 DC. 4, 2 and 8 months

Suppose I will just have to crack on but any time I leave the room I get followed Grin

OP posts:
ariana1 · 10/04/2019 11:20

It’s hard but you’re best to forget your mum and get off the internet and throw all your energy into packing.
If you’ve no time to sort just put things in together to do later. Keep access to any kitchen items you need for now and for the first day.
Bedding can go in black bags / on the day of your move strip each bed into one bag so you can use them again. If beds or furniture need taking apart then start now - don’t leave it to the day.
Use the TV and bribery to keep children occupied / accept any help but just get on with it is my best advice.
Concentrate on what you really need to take with you. If you’ve time later you can try to get rid of other stuff - charity / Gumtree / dump but it’s possible you’ll have to take it with you to sort later. Good luck

Longdistance · 10/04/2019 11:22

Those large striped/tartan laundry bags are great for packing clothes, shoes, bedding, pillows, cushions and soft toys.
Your dm sounds a pain. Hope the move goes ok Flowers

Mapril · 10/04/2019 11:23

Tape the kids into the boxes Smile

GillianUsedToLiveHere · 10/04/2019 11:23

Can anyone from your work help you out at all?

Could you offer a babysit swap if you can't afford to pay a babysitter for a few hours?

Are your children at nursery? Could you hire someone from there?

All I did (with just one toddler under my feet) was put everything into boxes and labelled it on 4 sides (so you can see when it is stacked) where it came from ie cupboard under the sink, or cupboard under the stairs. If you knew where to find it in your current house, label the box like that. Our move just happened fast and Dh was working in the new area we were relocating to. This method worked really well for me.

TV is your friend, you'll just have to crack on. It is sad when you can't rely on someone you thought you could. Just be unavailable for her if she ever needs anything.

AnemoneAnenome · 10/04/2019 11:23

8 months crikey, you do have your work cut out. I would suggest their favourite TV programme on repeat, set yourself a timer and aim to fill a box every 10 mins. Maybe make the older ones a den from boxes (plus sheet, clothes horse whatever) and give them their lunch in it for interest. Maybe move the baby between box, highchair, mat etc at intervals. Could a neighbour or friend help?

And in all seriousness, get off MN. You do not have time to waste on it. Go and do a couple of boxes now!!

Also take them to the park later, good run around and lots of attention, then early to bed and you pack solidly from 7/8pm - midnight.

rabbitheadlights · 10/04/2019 11:24

hi OP ... Not much help but i moved with 3 dc on my own back in 2015 ... i had 4 days so a bit more time but I literally had to do all packing once they were in bed ... i even put the oldest to bed at 7pm age 9 at the time

AWishForWingsThatWork · 10/04/2019 11:30

Do a child's room first or the room where all the toys will be going and put them in there when you start the next room (kitchen so you can eat).

We have moved with a 9 month old and a 2 year old ... it can be done without others helping. Just have to be strategic in what you sort out first: their room(s) and stuff!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 10/04/2019 11:31

That's very lousy and shitty of her, tbh.

buzzbobbly · 10/04/2019 11:33

OT but I totally misread OP and thought she was asking the house swapping lady to babysit while she packed!! I was Shock at the replies!

Get packing OP!

Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 10/04/2019 11:39

Nobody is able to help no,
I am working 4-2am this evening.
But I have to take my middle child to her settling in session at nursery at 2, that's even less time in the house!

I stopped for a break and to come onto MN as my head is just throbbing with the stress!

I know it can be done without help but ideally I wanted the kids out the way on Saturday to make it as painless as possible. My FIL who has just had surgery is having the younger two but my mum said no to having the eldest, simply because she doesn't want to.
Fair enough but it does feel pretty shit! I'm run ragged
Will get off MN now Grin

OP posts:
SkintAsASkintThing · 10/04/2019 11:39

You drew the short straw with mum's..,..... remember this when she's old and feeble.

imamum21 · 10/04/2019 11:47

give the kids a box to decorate and let them pack up toys/clothes it will keep them busy, give them paper and crayons and stickers to put on there boxes so they know when unpacking its there box

or give them a box to make a den with some crisps, popcorn etc and watch tv whilst you pack up a room

BlackCatSleeping · 10/04/2019 11:56

I'm so pleased to hear you can do the swap, but it sounds a total nightmare. Just do your best! I have to admit, last time I moved I literally ended up shoving things in boxes as the movers arrived. I'm so crap at moving.

OhTheRoses · 10/04/2019 11:58

Surely you have had more than this week to get all this organised. Why aren't you at least half packed already. Pay someone to deal with childcare?

ChampooPapi · 10/04/2019 11:58

@Teddybear080818 I remember your thread and am really pleased you got it sorted and are moving in. All I can say is good luck, you've got this! you can do it and it'll all be over in 48 hours Smile

Not that helpful but you can do it without her, it'll be a nightmare but at least a sort of fun nightmare and the new place is going to be great for you all

Asta19 · 10/04/2019 12:03

I remember your last thread and I'm really glad the exchange worked out for you.

It is a bit shit that your mum isn't willing to help. Mine's the same so I know how you feel. Is there any way you can get Friday off work? Otherwise it seems tomorrow is your only "free" day. Park the kids in front of the TV, it won't hurt for one day. If they keep pestering, unless it's something important, just keep saying "mummy's busy today". Get started early and aim to have it all done before bed tomorrow.

Keep one box/bag aside for bedding, Kettle etc and a clean set of clothes for each of you. Maybe a small box of mixed toys. That way, if you're totally exhausted on Saturday, you can just make up the beds and have a cuppa. Then you can unpack the rest as and when.

Good luck, let us know how it goes! Flowers

letsgohooray · 10/04/2019 12:04

OP you have a weird and mean mother. It's just normal decent behaviour to help out people in need - even when they are not your family yet here she is refusing to help out her daughter with her grandchildren. SHe doesn't sound very nice at all. Was she always this ghastly?

category12 · 10/04/2019 12:05

That's crap of your mum. I hope you manage OK on your own. I wouldn't be hurrying to do your mum any favours any time soon.

Lahlahfizzyfizzydoda · 10/04/2019 12:05

Do you have any friends that could do a play date with the eldest?

Asta19 · 10/04/2019 12:06

OhTheRoses

Council exchanges are not the same as buying a home. You get a weeks notice, if you're lucky! Sometimes it's only 3 or 4 days. As for "pay for childcare" I would imagine it wouldn't be easy for OP to find someone at this short notice and, with all the moving costs, not everyone can afford it!

ZeroFuchsGiven · 10/04/2019 12:06

Do You not have a partner/husband?

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