Mum said no to helping me with the kids

[Teddybear080818]

Not sure if anybody remembers the thread (I had posted about doing a mutual exchange but the lady wanted me to pay for the damaged doors)

Anyway the council have agreed to fix them!! And I move in on Saturday. I first asked her if she could have my eldest for a few hours to allow me to move in peace (other kids going to other family) she said no, so I asked if she'd be willing to come and sit in the house while I pack and she said no.
So not to be accused of drip feeding, I offered to make her dinner and endless amounts of cups of tea and she still said no, she wouldn't have to change them or give them dinner. Just sit there and make sure they are fighting/licking doors while I run around!

I am beyond stressed trying to get packed, I have 3 days well technically 2 as I have a meeting with the council on Friday and then work

If I am BU then can I have tips on how to get packed with very little time?!

[rainbowunicorn]

All these people who are saying take a day off or get your partner to take a few days off, what kind of jobs do you have? I don't know anyone that could just rock up to work and say they needed a few days off with no notice. I have to give 2 weeks notice and my OH has to book all annual leave at the start of the holiday year. He actually has 2 weeks that are decided by the employer and can't book anything less than 1 week at a time for the remaining leave.
Many people work in zero hour contracts where telling work you were taking a few days off with no notice would result in very few shifts being offered.
This place is full of people with no clue about how a lot of people have to live. The OP never at any point said her partner was not helping to pack. She is looking for tips on how best to do the packing with the limited time that is available between now and Saturday.

[Cafeculture]

Until the OP mentioned partner I assumed that she was a single parent.

It isn't clear if he lives with her or not, but she hasn't said he is doing any packing, just that he's working and can't help.

While her DM is behaving horribly, surely some of it should fall on the partner.

[MadameDD]

rainbowunicorn - in some jobs but not OP's as hers is new I'd just throw a sickie for a day or two.

There are actually some quite good suggestions - on the last page there was getting local teenagers to help pack/babysit - there are a couple along my street that if they weren't busy would jump at the chance to earn some extra cash and could be trusted to do this. Out kids to bed early is another good idea.

[gamerchick]

She doesn't have to explain her actions or decisions!

No she doesn't, just like her daughter doesn't have to explain herself when her mother needs her arse wiped later on in life. If you're a bellend then you reap what you sow. Why would anyone agree with a cunts trick is beyond me....

[Theimpossiblegirl]

Congrats on getting the exchange. It's going to be a tough few days but totally worth it. I'd normally say to use the move as an excuse to have a really good clear out but in your case I would just get everything boxed and bagged then sort it out at the other end.
It's crap your mum won't help, remember this when she next wants a favour.

[Lokidokiartichoki]

I’ve been there OP, it’s shit, but it is what it is. If you’re anywhere near Cardiff pm me I’d be happy to help out.

[Babdoc]

Why not ask the congregation at your church to help? We all turned up to help clear the house for an elderly lady who was going into hospice care. It’s what your church is for, helping the local community.

[AnnieMay100]

Sorry to hear your mum is being selfish, mine is the same and when I had to move from a huge house as a single parent with my children after divorce she begrungingly came to ‘help pack’ but broke my tv from anger at being pressured to help and went home, we have an awful relationship and it was the first and last time I asked for help. As a different perspective that if she did agree to help she may make it difficult for you so it’s sometimes easier to get on with it alone.

I agree with comments about bribing kids with sweets and films while you pack. Make a list and what needs to go in what box etc then throw it all in with help when husband is home from work. I was up until 4am on move day still packing as we had so much and it was difficult to do alone. You can do it and it’ll be worth it. Good luck.

[Omzlas]

Your mum is shit


I don't have any practical advice beyond what has already been offered but why can't your partner take any time off work? And I'd DEFINITELY be unavailable the next time She needs anything. Don't just forget this or you'll forever be a doormat

[TheGigglingGazelle]

Well yes, no-one is 'obligated' to look after any children that aren't theirs but seriously, would you not help a close family member out when they're in need of help? You'd just let them struggle? That's harsh.*

I already answered this question upthread.

[GottaGoGottaGo]

OP's mum could just be a crap mum, but I think some posters should just reign in some of the nasty comments. We only know OP's side of the story on that one and whilst I'm not saying she is wrong to be upset that her mum won't help, we don't know the mum's reason. It may be a good one, there could be a backstory... Why can't the partner do some packing after / before work? Why is it all on the OP's shoulders to do it single handedly??

[TanMateix]

Ok... sorry to say this but... you are not going to be able to pack tidily on two days with little people following you around so, my advice is:

-open box

• throw in it the contents of the cupboard
  
• tape
  
• write on it what cupboard it was and which room in the new house it is going to.
  

(You will have time to pack and bin the rubbish when you are there)

2) Pack when your children are asleep (yes, the whole night you will have time to sleep when your partner is at home in the weekend.

3) if he refuses to help because “oh my dear, he has a job!” (No bloody excuse, you do too, caring for active kids is far more tiring than working) Simply, don’t pack anything of his, you would see how good he is as packing when you are about to leave his stuff at home.

[SoyDora]

Why not ask the congregation at your church to help?

Assuming the OP is a church goer? I personally would feel very uncomfortable rocking up at my local church (at which I’ve never attended a service) and asking loads of people I don’t know to help me out.

[Charley50]

Rainbowunicorn - I know some jobs have very little employment rights and fixed annual leave, but conversely in some jobs you are entitled to special leave to move house... but employers tend not to shout about it. So it's worth checking the Leave Policy if you have any type of regular job.

[Charley50]

And yes rainbow unicorn I had tips for the OP. Get her DP to check his work's special leave policy and ask him to help!

[Teddybear080818]

Ok I'm trying to answer a few things.

My mum said no, no reason given. But she has told me before she finds my 4yr old tiring, right?! Try it 24/7! So I'm assuming it's something to do with that. If I ask her why she just wont reply so no point even going there.

My partner is helping, but with a baby that wakes about 6 times a night, a 2 yr old waking also it's not possible to do much through the night as he is just exhausted. I don't finish until 1 today, he gets up for work at 8 and is out the house by 9. It's like ships in the night!!

I did manage to get this done! It's just the annoying niggly bits like there's a weeks worth of laundry that needs folding and putting away then deciding what to actually wear from it and what to pack!

I/we will manage with no help but panic is creeping in. DP is also in a relatively new job and isn't keen to take time off work, I had to have a d&c and he refused to take time off (although on babycentre AIBU, he was told absolutely no time off work in the first 3 month otherwise he is being CF and U so )

[Teddybear080818]

My mum is usually pretty available and helpful so I'm a bit thrown tbh!

She definitely asks me for a lot of favours such as phoning the garage to book her car in, going to her house to sweep up or quickly having to drop everything to go and see why her broadband router isn't working. Pick up click and collect orders for her and so on so I definitely feel being less available for that is a good idea but isn't that just petty?

[gamerchick]

So what if it's pretty. Tell her you don't want to.

[Poppy43]

So on top of looking after your very young children she expects you to run errands for her, and at a moments notice? Yet won't help you in your hour if need? Sounds exactly like my mum.
Good luck, power through x

[GreenTulips]

We treat people how we expect to be treated. Your mum has shown you how she wants to be treated

Start saying no

[livinglongerwithcalgon]

I’m sorry I know this isn’t the point of the thread but this made me smile:

Surely you have had more than this week to get all this organised. Why aren't you at least half packed already.

We viewed our council house along with a couple of other families at the scheduled visit at 11am. We had first refusal and were asked whilst in the property whether we were taking it (we most certainly were). At 1pm we were sat in the council offices, paid our first week’s rent and had the keys. So not much time there!

Some of the best money ever spent was on getting a removal company to do the packing. However failing that, when in a rush you can go a bit wild with it (have done this many times unfortunately!). Throw all clothes and anything soft, like linens, soft toys etc into bin bags (stick some masking tape on and label them). Pack your important things into a bag you can keep close (like a rucksack), things like valuable jewellery, sentimental items, passports, other important docs etc. Breakables take the longest, get the newspaper out and get everyone on wrapping up and into boxes. Pack everything by current room, just literally dump stuff into boxes or bags labelled by room. Sort it all out at the other end. However have your kettle, tea/coffee, mugs, milk/sugar easily available for when you arrive, and your cleaning equipment.

Good luck with your move!

[woollyheart]

Hope the move goes well!

Although childcare isn't a right, family usually help out. There is usually give and take. However, maybe she's just not available this time, or is not feeling up to it.

[Teddybear080818]

😂😂😂😂 I can cope but I'm sure anybody would be a bit frazzled with 3 under 5 and trying to move!
All I asked for was an hour!
My FIL who had surgery 2 weeks ago will be having the younger two, so I cant understand why she can't/won't do it.
She's not busy, she never is on a saturday