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AIBU?

Mum said no to helping me with the kids

163 replies

Teddybear080818 · 10/04/2019 11:09

Not sure if anybody remembers the thread (I had posted about doing a mutual exchange but the lady wanted me to pay for the damaged doors)

Anyway the council have agreed to fix them!! And I move in on Saturday. I first asked her if she could have my eldest for a few hours to allow me to move in peace (other kids going to other family) she said no, so I asked if she'd be willing to come and sit in the house while I pack and she said no.
So not to be accused of drip feeding, I offered to make her dinner and endless amounts of cups of tea and she still said no, she wouldn't have to change them or give them dinner. Just sit there and make sure they are fighting/licking doors while I run around!

I am beyond stressed trying to get packed, I have 3 days well technically 2 as I have a meeting with the council on Friday and then work

If I am BU then can I have tips on how to get packed with very little time?!

OP posts:

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Stinkycatbreath · 10/04/2019 13:16

You know what if my friend needed childcare in these circumstances I would do my best to offer some help for a few hours. People don't want to become involved anymore until that is that need a return favour. I babysat friends kids most weekends weekends so they could spend time with their partner or have a break. Those same friends children are now older and don't need to same level of care. The moment I asked on a message to those friends if someone could help me out.......radio silence. Congratulations on your new home OP. I really hope you get the support you need.

SouthernComforts · 10/04/2019 13:17

Your partner needs to take a day off!!

gamerchick · 10/04/2019 13:21

I don't think that's very fair. Some people (myself included) just believe that people aren't automatically obligated to look after their grandchildren. Or, indeed, any children that aren't theirs

Under any circumstances? You wouldn't help one of your kids out with something as stressful as a house move? not even just sitting in the house and supervising while your daughter cracks on?

People don't forget this shit and chickens come home to roost.

gamerchick · 10/04/2019 13:23

I agree though OP, your partner needs to take a day off or he needs to get stuck into packing when he gets hike from work.

I hope he's around for the actual move or I'd be leaving him behind.

TheGigglingGazelle · 10/04/2019 13:44

Under any circumstances? You wouldn't help one of your kids out with something as stressful as a house move? not even just sitting in the house and supervising while your daughter cracks on? hmm

Personally, I almost definitely would, if I was able to. I just feel it ranks under 'favour', not 'obligation'.

MollysLips · 10/04/2019 13:46

OP, you can do this! Just take it one box at a time. Don't look up, don't look ahead at everything you've got to do, or you'll feel overwhelmed and panicky and you'll grind to a stressed-out halt.

Just look down and plod on like a robot whenever you have free time. Even 15 minutes is loads - you could do a whole corner of a room in that time.

Also do a huge clear-out as you go, and mercilessly ditch junk into bin bags as you pack.

You can do this. Your Mum is being a total pain but she'll get her punishment when you don't invite her over to see your new place, or chat to her, or fill her in on your news.

I packed a huge 3-bed house in under a week, alone, with a toddler and a 6-year old. Like everyone else says, I just put them to bed early and lowered my packing standards dramatically -- I remember hurling metal baking trays into the glasses box, giving not a shit. 😆

Di11y · 10/04/2019 13:52

would you be able to sacrifice a box for playing in? crayons and stickers and maybe ribbons or something to keep him busy?

ILoveMaxiBondi · 10/04/2019 13:55

Is it only the 4 year old you will have on moving day? If so that’s not so bad as having all 3. You can give him little jobs to keep him busy and within your sight. Damp cloth to clean the doors and skirting boards. Broom to sweep the floors etc.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 10/04/2019 13:56

This is quite confusing.

What time do you and your partner have when you aren't working or sleeping between now and the move? Divide the packing up tasks between you in that time. You must have friends? What about your partner's friends and family?

Your Mum doesn't sound very nice from the little you have said.

gairytoes · 10/04/2019 13:57

FFS. I'd do this for a friend, never mind for someone I gave birth to. The mind boggles.

You'll do it OP. Good luck.

Isadora2007 · 10/04/2019 13:57

Where do the kids go when you work? Can’t whoever has them then do it for you for moving?

LadyRannaldini · 10/04/2019 14:14

That's shit, did she say why?

She doesn't have to explain her actions or decisions!

Acis · 10/04/2019 14:20

My partner is working too so unfortunately he cant help

Why not? Can't he do some in the evenings, and indeed take time off?

RavenLG · 10/04/2019 14:22

It's shit your mum can't help but it is what it is.

Being organised with the packing is the best thing.

Make an essentials box which you can unpack straight away, so a plate / cutlery / glass each, bin bags, dish washing stuff, toilet roll, tea towel etc. Each person to have a bag with a nights worth of clothes / toiletries etc (so pants, socks, shampoo, towel, medications etc). Keep these all handy with you so you know where they are.

Heavy stuff goes in suitcases with wheels if you have them. Books, kitchen stuff etc. It's a lifesaver when lifting. Clothes can just go in bin bags. Keep them on the hangars and lift the bin bags under them and tie over them if that makes sense?

Label boxes and place boxes straight into that room.

Once your bed is moved in, and the kids bed etc. Make them straight away. You'll be thankful when you come to bed and don't have to do it.

You've got this, just be methodical and you can always sort once you're moved in.

PlatypusPie · 10/04/2019 14:23

Congratulations on the new property and good outcome re the doors, OP ! It’s going to be a tricky few days but just keep thinking about how it will be worth it all on the other side of the weekend. Even in the best planned and supported moves, things can end up in a muddle - it may all turn out better than you think. Just keep plodding on, eye on the prize, and eat and drink enough to keep up your strength .

If your mother won’t, she won’t - sad though that is, it’s not worth giving headspace to at the moment.

Holidayshopping · 10/04/2019 14:26

I presume your mum’s behaviour here hasn’t come as a shock to you though? Or has she always been a loving, attentive parents happy to help out with you and the kids wherever possible?

MadameDD · 10/04/2019 14:27

You could... make it into a sort of packing game with the 4 and 2 year olds and put baby in high chair or whatever, that's what a single mum friend of mine with two DC your elder ones ages did - she didn't have a baby. Worked for 2-3 hours and she told them why they were doing it - e.g. house move so excitement and also bribes of new toys/chocolate if they helped with the packing and didn't ruin it. Surprisingly it worked!

Otherwise beg, steal or borrow neighbours, friends etc to mind kids - offer to do reciprocal babysitting/playdates in return.

Don't you have other family, SO etc who could help? why is it all on you?

MadameDD · 10/04/2019 14:28

Or do as MollysLips says bedtime earlier for kids and chuck stuff in any old how!

TheQueef · 10/04/2019 14:28

I remember your thread.
I'm so pleased it panned out and you are getting the home you need.
No advice about Mum but I wanted to say I'm made up for you

MadameDD · 10/04/2019 14:30

Doesn't matter if it's your DD's first time at nursery - all you're asking is if the staff would do babysitting on quiet - assume you'd pay, they can either say no or not!

MamaDane · 10/04/2019 14:32

Can't you find a nice babysitter to take care of the kids?

thecatsarecrazy · 10/04/2019 14:32

I feel for you. When I moved house my mil said don't worry I can have all the kids for you when you move...
then she said I can only have them until 5 and I'm going out. I had my husband to help but we only had time to move the large items of furniture. I had to ask my brother if he could help. Then she had a go at my poor husband for taking to long to move. I was at home with 3 children so I couldn't do much.

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mirime · 10/04/2019 14:34

Not everyone has friends (I don't) and for those that do their friends might be doing crazy things like, I don't know, working perhaps? Or looking after their own children etc. Not everyone can take time off with short notice (DH can't), not everyone has family free to help close by (DH doesn't).

I'm sure if there were an easy solution OP wouldn't be posting.

lisamac28 · 10/04/2019 14:34

I don't think that's very fair. Some people (myself included) just believe that people aren't automatically obligated to look after their grandchildren. Or, indeed, any children that aren't theirs

Well yes, no-one is 'obligated' to look after any children that aren't theirs but seriously, would you not help a close family member out when they're in need of help? You'd just let them struggle? That's harsh.

Charley50 · 10/04/2019 14:40

Tbh your DP should take the day off. A lot of workplaces give a days time off for moving house (don't know if paid or unpaid). Where's he in all this stress?

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