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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum said no to helping me with the kids

163 replies

Teddybear080818 · 10/04/2019 11:09

Not sure if anybody remembers the thread (I had posted about doing a mutual exchange but the lady wanted me to pay for the damaged doors)

Anyway the council have agreed to fix them!! And I move in on Saturday. I first asked her if she could have my eldest for a few hours to allow me to move in peace (other kids going to other family) she said no, so I asked if she'd be willing to come and sit in the house while I pack and she said no.
So not to be accused of drip feeding, I offered to make her dinner and endless amounts of cups of tea and she still said no, she wouldn't have to change them or give them dinner. Just sit there and make sure they are fighting/licking doors while I run around!

I am beyond stressed trying to get packed, I have 3 days well technically 2 as I have a meeting with the council on Friday and then work Sad

If I am BU then can I have tips on how to get packed with very little time?!

OP posts:
outpinked · 10/04/2019 12:10

That’s truly shit of her. I would be petty in return and make sure you’re never available to help her if she needs it.

You’re just going to have to crack on if no one else is available to help. It’s shit but you’ll do it.

alittlesnow · 10/04/2019 12:13

@Mapril

Tape the kids into the boxes! Smile

That made me laugh!!! Grin

@Teddybear080818

Seriously though, YANBU to be pissed off. Of COURSE your mother should be helping you if she is able. For her to just say NO and NO again and again, like a bratty child is really poor form.

Just remember this when SHE needs help!

I would always be there for my kids, and they would for me.

if anyone in my life was this useless (friend, acquaintance, or even close relative like mother or sibling, I would be giving them a verrrrry wide berth!)

No more advice sorry (unless you know someone else who could have them... maybe a creche for a few hours?)

TheWernethWife · 10/04/2019 12:13

Well you now know what to do when she's old and wants some help, just say NO

Mememeplease · 10/04/2019 12:16

Give the kids some boxes to play with and some coloured pencils.

Good luck.

fluffiphlox · 10/04/2019 12:17

IF you have a FIL, does that mean you have a husband/wife? Where are they in all of this?

LagunaBubbles · 10/04/2019 12:20

I'm guessing there's more to regarding your relationship with your Mum, but if she won't help then she won't unfortunately. Good luck!

Hazeintheclouds · 10/04/2019 12:22

Her choice. She has done her parenting, I guess.

KarmaStar · 10/04/2019 12:26

BrewCakeFlowersWine for you op.
Can understand you being exhausted when you are on your own,shame we can't get up a team of mumsnetters to give you a hand😀
You will get there!!make sure you keep your energy levels up.
Good luck

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 10/04/2019 12:28

Have you tried asking on the QT at your daughter's nursery if any of the nursery nurses do babysitting on the side? A couple at my DS's nursery used to but I'm not sure if this was official iykwim 🤐

Good luck with the move though and bless your FIL for helping.

IJustLostTheGame · 10/04/2019 12:28

Chuck everything into bin bags, wrap breakables in towels or clothes and check them into bin bags.
Throw as much away as humanly possible.
Its shit and exhausting and unfair that your mum won't help.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 10/04/2019 12:29

Her choice. She has done her parenting, I guess.

It's a one off favour not weekly childcare!

MatildaTheCat · 10/04/2019 12:29

Her choice. She has done her parenting, I guess.

Parenting doesn’t stop just because your children are adults. You look after your family and help in a crisis. Unless there is a massive backstory that OP hasn’t mentioned then her mother is a miserable witch to refuse to help.

I would tell her to remember this and not expect any help when she herself needs it. Most mothers who are able bodied and available would be there with their sleeves rolled up doing whatever it took to help her family move to their new home.

YANBU.

TheGigglingGazelle · 10/04/2019 12:34

I'm afraid you are going to have your ass handed to you for expecting any help whatsoever from family, friends etc. You're supposed to manage everything single-handedly on here.

I don't think that's very fair. Some people (myself included) just believe that people aren't automatically obligated to look after their grandchildren. Or, indeed, any children that aren't theirs.

ohtheholidays · 10/04/2019 12:35

Like a PP said could you take a day of work OP?

At least that way you'd have an extra day to get it all done.

My Mum would have been the same as your Mum OP,I got hardly any help even when I became a single parent whilst pregnant with my 4TH DC yet I did loads for my parents,it really does suck and me and my DH would be there like a shot for any of our 5DC.

Is there anyone from work,a friend,cousin,auntie,uncle,neighbour that would help you park or watch your LO?

If someone asked me for help and they were in your position I'd help straight away.

There may be someone you haven't thought of,maybe not to look after your DC out of the house but could watch him in the house or could help pack stuff up whilst you watched him?

I hope you fnd some help and I agree with the PP who said it would be great if we could get groups of MM's together who would be happy to help people out in this kind of situation.

Nu2u · 10/04/2019 12:37

If you live near me I would happily come and help with your little ones or packing. I don't see my own grandchildren often as they live abroad. I feel for you; my parents made it clear they would never offer or give help and having moved house I can understand how overwhelming it can be.

Original poster
Teddybear080818 · 10/04/2019 12:40

My partner is working too so unfortunately he cant help.
I could take a day off but I only started on Sunday so don't really want to risk it, I only got notice yesterday that the exchange can go ahead. After two months!!!
It's my daughters first time at nursery so wouldn't feel comfortable asking for any help

I will soldier on and do it myself

OP posts:
TFBundy · 10/04/2019 12:41

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

colditz · 10/04/2019 12:45

Ask on Gumtree for someone to help you with packing and cleaning. A couple of teenaged girls could do it a lot more easily than you could with 3 kids aorund your ankles, and it's easier to get help moving than it is to get help you trust to babysit.

You will have to pay but unless you're on the bones of your arse this is worth paying for.

your mum is being selfish. no, of course nobody is obligated to look after other people's children, but nobody is obligated to stop and help someone having a heart attack - that doesn't mean it's not shit to walk past with your nose in the air.

GottaGoGottaGo · 10/04/2019 12:46

Why can't your partner help when he isn't working, why are you the only one that has to struggle? I assume he is looking after the kids whilst you work 4pm-2am? Why can't he do some packing once the kids are in bed and you are at work?

Notverygrownup · 10/04/2019 12:52

Are there any bored teenagers near you, who might babysit/occupy your eldest?? It's the easter holidays. Mine would happily spend a morning and earn something (£15?) with you in the house too.

If you are near me, I could provide a teenager, or would happily help out.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 10/04/2019 12:57

I’d help if you were by me too! No on what around you know at all? Ask on Facebook?

RainyAfternoon · 10/04/2019 13:09

Good idea to get a teenager in. Possibly ask at the nursery when you do the settling in if one of the staff is interested in babysitting after work.
Also can put the baby in a box with some crayons to scribble on the inside (don’t tape it up though!)

FizzyGreenWater · 10/04/2019 13:12

I'd ask on facebook! Differnet babysitting situation as you'll actually be there on hand, you're not leavign them with the responsibility so a willing teenager there to play and distract is all you need-?

pinkyredrose · 10/04/2019 13:14

Why can't your partner take a day or two off? You know seeing as it's his kid's, his house and his stuff?

gamerchick · 10/04/2019 13:16

You drew the short straw with mum's..,..... remember this when she's old and feeble

Damned right and I'd be telling her that as well when she asks for help in the future. 'i don't want to' got it.

Surely you have had more than this week to get all this organised. Why aren't you at least half packed already. Pay someone to deal with childcare?

Haven't had to do many council exchanges then obviously? Hmm

OP you'll have to keep trucking sadly. It'll be over soon. Flowers

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