Mum said no to helping me with the kids

[Teddybear080818]

Not sure if anybody remembers the thread (I had posted about doing a mutual exchange but the lady wanted me to pay for the damaged doors)

Anyway the council have agreed to fix them!! And I move in on Saturday. I first asked her if she could have my eldest for a few hours to allow me to move in peace (other kids going to other family) she said no, so I asked if she'd be willing to come and sit in the house while I pack and she said no.
So not to be accused of drip feeding, I offered to make her dinner and endless amounts of cups of tea and she still said no, she wouldn't have to change them or give them dinner. Just sit there and make sure they are fighting/licking doors while I run around!

I am beyond stressed trying to get packed, I have 3 days well technically 2 as I have a meeting with the council on Friday and then work

If I am BU then can I have tips on how to get packed with very little time?!

[Bignosenobum]

Hey hitched who are trolls. Fuck off and leave op alone. Your mother is a nasty cow, selfish and useless. I feel for you you. Some people cannot afford packing equipment from Argos. Jesus. You are Brill. Fuck ur mother let's hope she never needs a favour.

[Cornishclio]

Not very nice of your mum and I cannot imagine saying no to my DD were she in your position. Good of FIL to have the 2 youngest though but fully understand 3 kids is too much for him. I would put a couple of boxes in the 4 year olds room and tell her to pack her toys along with her siblings. Does not matter if they end up in the wrong boxes as you will have all the time in the world at the other end. Failing that stick the dvd player on repeat and let her watch her favourite films.

[missymayhemsmum]

yanbu, she is being v unhelpful.
Round up some friends, hire a van for the day and buy loads of heavy duty binbags. Put the kids in a box each to play house. See if you can get Friday off work

[TheGigglingGazelle]

I can't believe how nasty some people are being about the OP's mum, or entitled some people on here seem to be when it comes to expectations of their mums helping with their kids. I find it really sad tbh.

[RomanyQueen1]

If you were my dd I'd offer to help I hope it goes well for you, Good luck.

[di2004]

I’m with RomanyQueen on this.. if you were my daughter I would help all I can. It is very mean of her. Try and do the best you can OP x

[Nearly47]

It's difficult to believe someone would be so mean. Made me wonder if your relationship is ok. I had work colleagues help with moving in the past. But I feel for you and hope you manage the move well. Label the boxes so things will be easier when unpacking. Good luck in your new home

[RomanyQueen1]

Aw, I'm 52 and whilst I couldn't leg it after them, well I could but I'd be knackered I'd want to help and my ds knows he only has to pick up the phone. When somebody is in need as well, not like the OP just fancies a night out. Not that there's anything wrong with that either.

I feel so sorry for you OP, but what goes round comes round, she'll need you one day. x

[Daisymaybe60]

It seems strange to me that you say your mother is usually available and helpful, but she’s being so odd about this one request, when you really need her. I hope everything’s okay, but I’d be a bit worried, tbh.

Good luck with your move, OP, and I hope you love your new place.

[woollyheart]

Maybe your DM has something specific against this move? So she is unhappy to help in this case? Are you moving further away from her?

[Charley50]

I think people are being a bit mean about your mum too.
Maybe she feels that as you have a partner, who sounds like the DCs dad, between you you should be able to sort it?

[Teddybear080818]

Nope I'm moving about 5 minutes down the road. I'm already 20 minutes away from her.

Well she knows my FIL had surgery not even a fortnight ago and is stepping up to have the younger two so Imo there's no reason good enough to not help(illness, working and stuff I understand)
. I've been on my knees crying with exhaustion. I'm up 4 times a night (when not working) dealing with the baby. The last thing I wanted was the kids running about hyped up. Understandable that others have done it and it looks like I'm going to just have to get on with it but still, she hasn't ever had him for a night as that's too much for her.
I was asking for an hour, two tops so that the van can be packed with no kids about and unloaded with none about too

[Asta19]

I have a mum like yours and she's getting older now. Tbh, I don't lift a finger to help her with anything. The whole "guilt" thing isn't going to work on me. She is reaping what she sowed, as they say.

Anyway, you're getting there. Hope it all goes well tomorrow and enjoy your new home!

[Teddybear080818]

Yeah there was one time I asked her to have my youngest while I went to a hospital app(other two were out at FIL) and she actually said "oh I'll have to earn these little favours back!"

And then it was a week of me doing job after job after job for her just to 'make it up to her'
I know she isn't obliged to help and I'd never dare ask her to have the kids so I could have a night out but for a few hours for a genuine reason which is quite stressful in itself.. 🤷‍♀️

I am as packed as can be, I think that is good? a few niggly bits still but they'll just have to be shoved in bags

[Scabetty]

Jeez I’m 53 and work with Primary kids including Nursery all week. I would be if anyone even insinuated I was old.

[Asta19]

See I take a different view to a lot on MN. I think if you have kids, you do so knowing that they will most likely one day have kids of their own. Therefore, they may need help. Your mum may have no "responsibility" to have your kids but to me, as a mum, she still has a responsibility to you, her daughter. Therefore, she should have helped. You weren't asking for the world. It was a couple of hours.

My GP used to have me and my sis for the 6 weeks summer holls every year (they lived abroad), they used to buy all our clothes and toys. My mum had huge amounts of help from them. They even bought her a house! But she's never been willing to do even one percent of that for her own grandchildren. That's selfish.

Sounds like you've done really well and the one positive of this is the satisfaction of knowing you did it all. Yeah, stick any last bits in bags. You can take your time over sorting your stuff in the new place. Can you get a takeaway tomorrow evening to make things easier? That's what I tend to do when I move. Good luck.

[woollyheart]

I would be pointing out that she is quite young and you help her with all sorts of things (routers, collecting stuff, booking garage etc etc). Just say that you find it disappointing that while she feels free to ask for help and you give it without complaining, she is grudging about helping you when you need it.

Tell her you are concerned that she is growing old well before her years and maybe she should check in with a doctor.

[goodwinter]

Your mum may have no "responsibility" to have your kids but to me, as a mum, she still has a responsibility to you, her daughter.

Bang on. If you choose to have children why would you want to essentially wash your hands of any obligations towards them just because they grew up into an adult? Surely you'd hope that your parents will be there for you in times of need, no matter how old you are? Well, this is a time of need for OP - trying to move house with 4 days notice, with 3 kids under 5 and working full time. It IS selfish not to help when your child's in that position.

[banana64]

Never mind whether it's your mother or not or she's obligated or not.
Whatever happened to basic human kindness?? Someone is struggling. Someone is exhausted and under pressure and needs help. Why does not have to be an obligation. Why can't people just fucking help. I don't care whether my dd should be able to cope or not. Kindness and help. Ffs it's not rocket science. I'm sick of people being so bloody selfish.

[GreenTulips]

Last time I moved, the day before the neighbour popped over and asked if she could take the kids for a few hours. Very kind.

That’s all it needs

[bananasandwicheseveryday]

I definitely do not think there is any obligation on a gp to look after dgc's - I agree it is their choice. However, I could not envisage refusing to help just 'because'. To me, part of being a decent human being is showing kindness to others and helping where possible.
My ds's and DIL are moving soon, and between us and DILs parents we will be helping out, either cleaning new place/old place or looking after the baby. I couldn't imagine refusing to help unless I was too unwell or was needed urgently for my elderly mother. And even then, Dh would help out.
Sorry your mum is not acting on a kind or helpful way OP. I'd definitely not be rushing to help her in future.

[Teddybear080818]

Thanks all I've had about 4 hrs sleep as the kids chose this night to act up!! I'm shattered, can barely keep my eyes open.
My partner will obviously be doing as much as possible but he only got home from work 5 hours ago so has had almost the same amount of sleep as me!!
I feel sick. The thought of moving just disgusts me lol

[TheQueef]

Don't worry adrenaline will kick in and you will power through it

[shakenfizzydrink]

It's your partner you should be pissed off at. Refusing to take time off and dropping you in the shit.

[fluffygreenmonsterhoody]

Good luck today OP.