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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in cafe

658 replies

Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 18:52

Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?

OP posts:
CottonSock · 09/04/2019 18:54

I think I didn't go to cafes much on my own when I had two kids that age. If there was no highchair I would have gone elsewhere. You are a bit unreasonable sorry

NoSauce · 09/04/2019 18:56

Sounds like he was louder than you imagined OP.

CaptainMyCaptain · 09/04/2019 18:57

You were not BU. The couple were being horrible. If they hate children that much they could have gone elsewhere themselves.

Katinkka · 09/04/2019 18:57

I can’t stand noisy kids.

londonrach · 09/04/2019 18:58

See both sides here. It is hard with two but all my friends with two dont go out to a cafe now for that reason. On the fence but thinking mostly yabu as sounds like he was worse than you saying.

Amberheartkitty · 09/04/2019 18:59

Yanbu. If they don’t like kids they could leave. I would have stayed longer and ordered dessert.

hidinginthenightgarden · 09/04/2019 18:59

Depends how much noise he was actually making. I wouldn't have let him walk around when people are carrying hot food around though.

user1493413286 · 09/04/2019 18:59

Not unreasonable at all. My DD was a very loud chatty baby and I wasn’t going to shush her when I was trying to encourage interaction. They shouldn’t have sat near you if they don’t like children.
You shouldn’t have to avoid cafes just because you have young children; on that theory should you only go to parks and soft play on your own with children? That’d be a fairly miserable time

InACheeseAndPickle · 09/04/2019 19:00

A baby babbling and occasionally even crying is just general noise that you have to put up with in public. Obviously if the baby can't be comforted you then have to leave. It only annoys me when parents don't bother even trying and just blithely carry on with their meal while the whole restaurant suffers. A bit of babbling is something you have to deal with.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 19:00

I was kinda stuck as we had already ordered when they came back to inform me that there was no high chair. What should I have done? I was in the city and hour bus ride from home and it was lunchtime. I honestly don't know where I'm meant to feed my children. None of the other tables complained in fact the people on the other side had been talking to me the entire time. I honestly don't k ow how I'm meant to take my dd out if I cant risk my ds making noise. They had an extensive childrens menu so I presumed it was children friendly.

OP posts:
Tolleshunt · 09/04/2019 19:00

I think it depends on the venue a bit.

Kid-friendly cafe - fine.

Really noisy, busy lunchtime cafe - fine (no chance of anyone getting any peace and quiet anyway)

Quiet, intimate, adult-centred place - not fine.

But difficult to get up and leave if the food had arrived. It sounds like your baby was not really that loud, so my money is on the couple being miserable sods.

sauvignonblancplz · 09/04/2019 19:00

Oh my word!!! YANBU at all.
Your baby has just as much right to be there, even if he was babbling loudly or crying. (Even though you said he wasn’t - just for talks sake)
It’s a public place , you’re eating & it’s just one of those things. Like babies on planes or people moving really slowly in front of you or someone talking loudly .
They were rude & you take your baby wherever you like to eat .

BlueMerchant · 09/04/2019 19:00

You are customers and have as much right as anyone else to be there. You can't stop a baby from acting like a baby nor should you. You were there first. If they didn't like it they should go.
I went to cafes with my two from being babies.
The cafe definitely should think about having even one more highchair.

Morgan12 · 09/04/2019 19:00

Sound like arseholes to me. You had already ordered. They could have left.

TripleSeptic · 09/04/2019 19:00

You weren't unreasonable at all! What are you supposed to do? Confine yourself to the house until they're ready to leave home? Because 9m, 9y, or 29y, you'll never be able to control your children - they're individuals. Neither child was using their table as a climbing frame. I would suggest if they don't like children, they should stay at home, I don't like pigeons and I don't frequent places where they're likely to be!!!

Give yourself a break, and fair play for getting out of the house with 2, I still struggle with one!!! Grin

Overthinker33 · 09/04/2019 19:01

From what you’ve said yanbu but perhaps he was louder than you perceived...or the other couple are a pair of twats and shouldn’t go to public places where there are also children around.

hibbledibble · 09/04/2019 19:01

Yanbu. Unless it is a child free venue (clearly not) then it is unreachable to be intolerant of children.

HenSolo · 09/04/2019 19:02

YANBU
People are so mean even when they can see you are doing your best. I am sick to death of this culture that children should be seen and not heard and that mothers shouldn’t be able to go out for food or coffee.
We took our two boys to a restaurant in central London a while ago, they were 3 and 1. We sat down and nobody had made a peep and the couple on the table next to us very unsubtly rolled their eyes, whispered while gesturing at us and asked loudly to be moved. It really really upset me because we hadn’t done anything wrong and I felt judged for wanting to treat ourselves for bloody once.
If anybody disagrees with me, let me know, seriously because I find it pathetic

SignOnTheWindow · 09/04/2019 19:02

The couple were horribly rude to you.

Jimjamjools · 09/04/2019 19:02

From what you've said, no I dont think you were being unreasonable. But I might ask for a bit more clarification which might explain why they had such a rude reaction - was the cafe quite small or cramped? Sometimes that can make a difference, just being crammed in close to people can make it seem louder. Did any of the food he threw hit any of their bags, shoes or encroach on what might be reasonably called their 'area' (eg under their seat?)

For what it's worth I do think the couple sound rude and precious and you sound like a responsible parent who was working hard to keep your son entertained. Also, if it's a normal family friendly cafe then you have just as much right to eat your lunch there as this couple as long as you are keeping your child under control, which it sounds like you were if he was just babbling, so ignore them saying you should have left.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 19:02

He wasnt at risk in regards to jot food. I had his hands and our table was in a corner so not in the way or anything. He really wasnt screaming or crying. Just shouting like 'ah ah ah' when I gave him food. Hes not a screamy baby tbh.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 09/04/2019 19:02

Nobody wants to listen to other people’s loud children.
DH and I went for a coffee recently in a local cafe full of mums and their toddlers/babies, we literally couldn’t hear each other across the table, so in the end we sat there and read the paper. Every child trying to out do the next one. Horrendous. Their mums totally oblivious.

recrudescence · 09/04/2019 19:03

Fine for the couple to move but not fine to snipe at you.

sauvignonblancplz · 09/04/2019 19:03

And to those posters saying if you’ve two kids you don’t out.... Confused

TwinkleMerrick · 09/04/2019 19:04

You were fine, the couple were idiots! Children are like dogs, some people just don't like them. I love dogs, children, cats, all of them.....I hate mardy people who expect the world to revolve around them....I hate people who don't like children or animals. Forget and move on xx