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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in cafe

658 replies

Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 18:52

Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?

OP posts:
BlackPrism · 09/04/2019 20:10

@NoSauce so there was a perfectly easy solution then and you weren't that affected by the mums and kids....

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 09/04/2019 20:11

Before we had DC , we avoided anywhere child-friendly like the plague!

Once we had DC we were searching out the places with Child Menus and little soft play / climbing frame areas .

If someones children were being noisy I'd have just moved or glared quietly .

HenSolo · 09/04/2019 20:11

NoSauce yes I was joking as I explicitly said in the post.....
And I don’t have ‘loud’ kids, yet I still get told off for daring to go anywhere with them. And I’m sick of it.

Lorrainekellysaccountant · 09/04/2019 20:11

You're not being unreasonable but equally I don't have a lot of tolerance for small children noises either! (I know they are cute but they bug me when I'm child-free) And I don't think throwing food is unavoidable, actually. If you do think it is, I'm not sure a small cafe is the right place for you!
But they shouldn't be rude to you.

vegpatch · 09/04/2019 20:12

Assuming it was a cafe and lunch time and not a posh restaurant at 9pm, ya definitely nbu. They were twats.

Newmumma83 · 09/04/2019 20:12

Is everyone reading the ops comments

The baby was babbling not screaming
It was child friendly cafe
They walked from one side of THIER table ( no one else’s ) to keep him entertained
It was lunch time the children were hungry

They did nothing wrong ... the other couple were being harsh ... some people are just arses / or having a bad day and they took it out on you ignore it you did your best and sounds like your kids behaved lovely x

NoSauce · 09/04/2019 20:12

Not really BlackPrism, it meant we had to go elsewhere because of the noise. The cafe owner actually apologised to us when we went to pay the bill.

tomhazard · 09/04/2019 20:12

I think they were being unreasonable. Fair enough, move if they don't like the noise of a couple of children but dickish to snipe at you.
Why should you not go out to a cafe just because you have children? Are you meant to just stay home till they're both old enough to be perfect?

I think the intolerance people show towards children in cafes/restaurants in the UK is really crap. I have been lucky to live in many locations across the globe in the last 12 years and nowhere but in the UK do you see this kind of whining about kids being kids in cafes or restaurants. If they were throwing food, screaming or using noisy ipads then that's annoying but otherwise I think it's fine for kids to be kids.

TheGigglingGazelle · 09/04/2019 20:13

Confining women to their houses, scaring them with paternalistic rules about noise... this is bullshit.

How on earth is this paternalistic??

ethelfleda · 09/04/2019 20:14

YANBU!! How’re you supposed to ‘control’ a 9 month old anyway? Confused

StoryBookorTwo · 09/04/2019 20:15

YANBU.

I'd have done exactly the same. If the cafe welcomes breastfeeding mums they'll have had much louder babies in there I'm sure.

As PP have said, out of control older children tearing around and yelling would be different.

It was totally reasonable for you to take your kids for lunch at a cafe while you were out.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 20:16

How can I stop a 9 month old dropping food? Honestly i have no idea how to stop that. He doesn't want it... it goes over the side of the chair.

OP posts:
Lorrainekellysaccountant · 09/04/2019 20:17

But I would have sat my miserable arse further away from you in the first place! I know IABU not liking baby noises!

tiredybear · 09/04/2019 20:18

OP i am really sorry that you had to deal with such rude behaviour and such ridiculous comments on this thread. CHILDREN ARE HUMAN BEINGS TOO. and WE WERE ALL CHILDREN ONCE.

As if raising small humans isn't hard enough...now you're meant to stay under house arrest??!

Seriously, these attitudes have got to change. The childism is appalling and has far reaching consequences.

AmIIntrouble · 09/04/2019 20:18

It's a difficult one, I couldn't handle noisy kids until I became a mother myself, but then I would be the one who left the cafe instead of telling the mother to.

Some people can't handle kids noise, I was one of them. Don't worry about it, just move on :)

TheInvestigator · 09/04/2019 20:18

Don't know if it's been suggested but I used to always carry one of these in the buggy when I went out. It's suitable from 12 months onwards but I used it from about 10 months.
www.amazon.co.uk/Polar-Gear-Harness-Travel-Booster/dp/B00863FJW2/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?s=gateway&crid=2ZT770NAVPJ9H&keywords=portable+high+chair&sprefix=portable+high&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1554837417&sr=8-3

JohnoWhits · 09/04/2019 20:21

Wow I am absolutely astounded at some people’s comments

OP fair bloody play to you for taking your two children on your own on an hours bus ride.

This is normal human life and interaction and you sound like a great mum. I don’t particularly care for people using foul language, ignoring each other and using their phones, or discussing loudly things on the phone while in a cafe. But I wouldn’t make a comment when it’s their life and their choice. You keep doing what you’re doing OP and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for it. Flowers

LittleChristmasMouse · 09/04/2019 20:24

Maybe we need family friendly and adult only establishments so that everyone can go where they would prefer?

Tbh I'm not sure where people do go now if they don't want to be surrounded by children? Even pubs aren't adults only anymore and a cafe with only 1 high chair really doesn't sound like a particularly family friendly place.

notharryssally · 09/04/2019 20:25

You sound fine. They were arseholes

happymum12345 · 09/04/2019 20:26

I can't believe how rude and unpleasant some people can be! Of course you should be able to to take a baby and toddler into a cafe. Yes, children make a noise, a mess etc. We were all children once and we shouldn't be locked away until we can sit in silence and be a miserable old toad, like they were. Oh deary me!

Airbiscuits · 09/04/2019 20:26

FFS. Was it a Michelin starred formal restaurant?
or was it a pizza express type place before 7pm in the evening?

If the former, then maybe they have a point. But if the latter, the miserable gits can fuck right off. Children won't learn to behave in public unless you can train them appropriately and that involves taking them out in public. From an early age. Takes a village etc etc etc.

If I wanted a quiet conversation during the day, I'd hardly go to Costa or somewhere. I'd go to a hotel bar or private members club or something more "adult".

kingsassassin · 09/04/2019 20:28

The cafe had an extensive children's menu and a breastfeeding welcome sign which suggests that the lack of multiple high chairs was a soon to be remedied oversight rather than a state ment of childfree intent.

I don't think ywbu at all op. Too many cafes are full of miserable fuckers who want to spend 4 hours using the free WiFi over one small espresso and can't cope with other people being there.

My children are now much much older but I've always been sympathetic to mums who look like they're trying to keep children entertained.

funthief · 09/04/2019 20:29

Op, yanbu! People find any old reason to be miserable. For all the many reasons stated by other posters, you did nothing wrong. Nothing. Fair play to you being an hour from home on public transport with a baby, brave! Don't let the brave be knocked out of you by a pair of miseries.

Chickychoccyegg · 09/04/2019 20:32

they sound like complete dicks, yanbu at all, your ds babbling/shouting is perfectly normall, and most (normal) people wouldnt give it a 2nd thought, dont worry about it, you did nothing wrong

bmbonanza · 09/04/2019 20:34

Poor you - how horrible and stressful! Ignore the miserable couple - would they be the same if someone at the next table was deaf and talking loudly or whatever. I do think the cafe should have more than one high chair though - I wouldnt be going there again!