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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in cafe

658 replies

Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 18:52

Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?

OP posts:
MaybeMaybeNotJ · 09/04/2019 19:04

You ANBU some people love to be miserable and spread the misery.
A venue with children’s menus and a high chair is totally fine. It’s not your fault they only had one ❤️

MyKingdomForBrie · 09/04/2019 19:04

YANBU and they need to get a grip. It's a cafe at lunch time ffs not the library.

Justicegf · 09/04/2019 19:05

Yanbu.
Please don't let it stop you getting out and about with the children. Babies shouldn't be shushed and people that don't want to hear kids/children shouldn't eat at places with kids menus.

ScrewyMcScrewup · 09/04/2019 19:06

Most people don't want a toddler running around and shouting when they're trying to eat.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 19:06

It wasnt a small cafe the pram was in the corner so the food mainly went under the table. It was definitely marketed as family friendly, had huge kids menu and colouring books etc. There were other kids but my ds was the youngest.
We had gone to spend my dd birthday money and it's not somewhere I go often so i chose what looked like the best place in the area.

OP posts:
Brilliantidiot · 09/04/2019 19:06

I don't think you were being wholly unreasonable, he was babbling not screaming and racing round, are babies supposed to be silent at all times in public?

I'd have sat down again when someone sat on the table next to me, so maybe you were a little u there.
If you left the food he threw and ignored him while eating so he got louder then you were being U imo.
Did the waitress seat them or did they sit themselves there? If they sat next to a table with 2 young children themselves then it's a bit baffling, you see small children and expect some level of noise, babies make noise and it's not always possible to shush them because they're babies and they don't understand. You can distract, which you said you did, but ultimately if you choose to sit next to small children, you expect some noise.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 19:07

Hes 9 months he wasnt running around he can barely walk. I had hold of his hands the entire time and he went nowhere near other people. He literally walked from one side of the table to the other.

OP posts:
Happyspud · 09/04/2019 19:08

I’ve 4 kids under 6. I take them to cages alone sometimes. We pay like everyone else. They have a right to eat out like everyone else.

BlackSatinDancer · 09/04/2019 19:08

I don't mind babbling babies and obviously babies often throw things, however, I might find it irritating if you were stood up and walking around the next table with your little one. It might be just me but I think I would be thinking 'for goodness sake, sit down woman'. Even if somebody isn't right in your face, someone standing up near to where I am sitting down can feel a bit overpowering.

It sounds like the cafe owner needs to provide more high chairs though.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 19:08

They chose to sit there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 19:10

If I sat down he would of started making more noise cause he hates been say on my knee. Hes ok in a high chair but very difficult to get him to sit still on your knee

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 09/04/2019 19:10

I think that when you have small children you need to choose your cafe a bit more carefully if you don’t want people to get annoyed with you.

There are lots of cafes that are suitable for small children and some that really are not. People without children, who don’t want to be bothered by them are well advised to find these typically smaller cafes.

I can understand their frustration to then find themselves sitting by some babies/children.

I’m sure they’re both lovely, but they and you are still making a noise and being distracting & to some people that’s really annoying.

IF there was another, more child friendly, cafe near by then you were BU to go there really.

Personally I wouldn’t have minded at all, as long as you managed to not to performance parent, loudly. I wanted to kidnap one small boy recently. HE was incredibly well behaved, his mother was absolutely sodding barking.

Sirzy · 09/04/2019 19:10

I think this probably falls into a six of one half a dozen of the other thing.

Them asking to move was fine. Their comment wasn’t.

But a cafe isn’t a place for a baby to practise walking and often parents misjudge quite how loud their child is being.

ScreamScreamIceCream · 09/04/2019 19:11

A cafe with one high chair isn't very child friendly and is a place to avoid.

iklboo · 09/04/2019 19:12

I’ve 4 kids under 6. I take them to cages alone sometimes.

Part of me hopes that's not a typo Grin

I'm kidding. There was no need for them to make snide comments.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 19:13

I did complain about the fact they marketed it outside as been child friendly with kids menu signs etc but no highchairs. They even had a sign welcoming breastfeeding mothers in the window. I didn't expect there to be no highchairs when we went in.

OP posts:
AuntMarch · 09/04/2019 19:14

If the chose to sit there then they are clearly the unreasonable ones!
Much like PP who chose to sit in a cafe full of children and then complain it was full of children Hmm

In fact, if it was really as described they were unreasonable even if they didn't choose the specific table, although I do agree people walking around near where in seated makes me uncomfortable, you'd have been bent almost double and moving slowly so not so bad!

HenSolo · 09/04/2019 19:15

Ignore all the miserable gits op you did nothing wrong

Makes me want to go to the least child friendly cafe I can find and unleash the kids Grin
Lighthearted for those who want to comment and say I’m proving their point...

Lobsterquadrille2 · 09/04/2019 19:16

YANBU. I would much rather be next to you and your children than someone who believes that everybody within a 50 yard radius is desperate to hear their very important telephone conversation. I had this is a cafe today and then also in the library.

Of course you have as much right as anyone to eat. Somewhere family friendly should have more than one high chair.

Hercules12 · 09/04/2019 19:16

this wouldn't have bothered me one iota. in fact I like to see little ones as mine are long past that stage. you did nothing wrong.

Swatsup · 09/04/2019 19:17

I’m assuming if they only had one high chair they were not aiming at kids! I would have left and gone elsewhere.

Brilliantidiot · 09/04/2019 19:18

Well if they chose to sit there then it's on them. You sit next to a baby then you accept you may hear them make a noise. It's not about 'controlling your children' babies make noises sometimes, not necessarily screaming and crying but babbling and laughing.
And yes, take your point about sitting down.
God, it annoys me when adults can sit and converse and laugh in public, but children must stay totally silent at all times - even when they're still learning to use and control their voice!
They chose a table next to two small children, one a baby in a pram, there's an expectation of some noise. I sometimes don't want to hear children, but if I was feeling that way out I wouldn't go and sit myself next to some and expect complete silence!

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 19:18

I'm glad that I wasnt been completely unreasonable. I'll try not to walk around with him in future. He just likes moving around, has always liked to be walked around when he is grumpy. I don't want to stop going places as that seems very unfair on my dd. She doesn't really enjoy soft play so I thin she would get bored quite quickly.

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 09/04/2019 19:19

DH and I went for a coffee recently in a local cafe full of mums and their toddlers/babies

Then more fool you for not turning around & leaving, they were there first 🤷🏻‍♀️

Your update changes things a bit. Not a small care, an extensive children’s menu, other small
children & colouring things... expecting peace & quiet was their mistake! You were fine.

Your walking about was probably a bit annoying, but as there was only one high chair then 🤷🏻‍♀️ You did your best to stop him screaming the place down.

Claw01 · 09/04/2019 19:20

Can you asked to be moved in a cafe?! I thought you just up and moved!

Ignore them!