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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in cafe

658 replies

Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 18:52

Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?

OP posts:
Ellyess · 11/04/2019 12:15

LittleChristmasMouse I think you must have had some bad experiences and I really am sorry to hear that. I have tinnitus so noise is pretty stressful for me. I have found quiet places to go to though. I think you have been unlucky. I really do hope you find somewhere pleasant.

I did agree with you earlier about how horrible it is to have badly behaved children and parents who do not stop them spoiling your meal out. It happened to me with one child recently! I guess she was about 8 years old and was allowed to run around in our area of the Restaurant, and knock my table spilling my drink each time she passed me. Nobody from her family group paid any attention to her. It was horrible. I really sympathise when you have bad experiences.

LittleChristmasMouse · 11/04/2019 12:17

I have found, when my mum was in the situation you gave, having Alzheimer's, we still managed to find places to take her that were not noisy or that had quiet corners. It is possible to meet differing needs in different places.

Yes it is possible, if both sides show understanding and respect. In the case of a PP the mother showed neither. Out of a completely empty cafe the mother and her child decided to sit next to a PP and disrupt her. The view on here - PP showed have moved.

No one group has more right than the other. Unfortunately that is what is happening though. Parents believe that their children have the right to behave exactly as they want to regardless of the effect on anyone else.

LaurieMarlow · 11/04/2019 12:23

Unfortunately that is what is happening though. Parents believe that their children have the right to behave exactly as they want to regardless of the effect on anyone else.

OMG I don’t even know why I’m bothering but for the millionth time the baby was behaving utterly normally for a nine month old baby.

So you’re talking total shit.

Lizzie48 · 11/04/2019 12:27

Unfortunately that is what is happening though. Parents believe that their children have the right to behave exactly as they want to regardless of the effect on anyone else.

That just isn't true of all parents, it's a generalisation. It's a small minority that give the rest of us a bad name. And TBH, I haven't witnessed much of the behaviour described in restaurants.

I have seen a lot of loud groups of adults, though. But I don't assume that all groups of adults will behave like that.

HenSolo · 11/04/2019 12:28

LittleChristmasMouse I don’t know why I’m bloody bothering because you aren’t answering - do you think the couple in the op were reasonable to be rude?

LittleChristmasMouse · 11/04/2019 12:32

OMG I don’t even know why I’m bothering but for the millionth time the baby was behaving utterly normally for a nine month old baby.

So you’re talking total shit.

And I am not talking about the baby in the OP, as you well know, but about the poster who was doing her work in Costa and who you told should have moved.

So if anyone is talking shit it isn't me.

LittleChristmasMouse · 11/04/2019 12:36

HenSolo

I don't know because I wasn't there.

The OP changed her story many times from the baby was babbling to the baby was shouting. From him dropping food to him throwing food. She says they were walking around the table.

Were the other couple rude? I don't know. How loud was the baby? How close were the tables? Was mum walking around their table, bumping into it every time she walked past? No idea.

Maybe the baby was making a barely audible noise and no one else even knew they were there and this couple were just Mr and Mrs Meldrew who moan that the sun's too bright and their diamond shoes too tight - I have no way of knowing.

HenSolo · 11/04/2019 12:36

But you keep fixating on that particular post. So a mother in Costa once behaved like an arse. So all mothers should be tarred with the same brush? I’m sorry to keep using the same phrase but NO ONE IS ANSWERING ME!!

LaurieMarlow · 11/04/2019 12:37

but about the poster who was doing her work in Costa and who you told should have moved.

It’s aibu. The thrust of the discussion is the OP. It’s not endless whatabouttery and bringing up old posts when it suits you.

But this is my last reply to you because your dog with a bone approach, while initially engaging, has worn me down completely. Best of luck.

HenSolo · 11/04/2019 12:38

I have no way of knowing.

But you can confirm that the poster who wrote about the situation in Costa was definitely telling the story accurately?

olivesnutsandcheese · 11/04/2019 12:38

When my DS was that age I had a fabric high chair that attached to a normal chair. I always carried that when out and about for just that sort of situation and for using at friends houses. That couple were unnecessarily horrible. As if people with two children are not allowed in a cafe!
Sorry the smug mine never uttered a sound parents have given you a hard time op

LittleChristmasMouse · 11/04/2019 12:41

But you can confirm that the poster who wrote about the situation in Costa was definitely telling the story accurately?

Nope. But I'm not being asked to judge that post.

The OP has changed her own recount of the situation several times. Hence my reticence to judge the situation.

HenSolo · 11/04/2019 12:50

Yeah ok well maybe we are all lying about our experiences, in which case, what’s the fecking point.

I think I’m done here too. Enjoy those cafes ladies, and when the haters come along remember we have been there too. Let’s kill em with kindness, because that’s what they hate the most Brew

HenSolo · 11/04/2019 13:01

Haha that was a bit cheesy sorry I’ve had a lot of coffee today Grin

Dana28 · 11/04/2019 13:29

If I walked into a cafe and saw a table with one adult a shouty baby walking round and round and a 3 year-old at it, I would turn around and walk straight out.
Have you thought about the affect your family had on the cafe owners business?

LaurieMarlow · 11/04/2019 13:30

Have you thought about the affect your family had on the cafe owners business?

The owner could ban kids if they wanted. I suspect there’s good reason why they don’t.

LaurieMarlow · 11/04/2019 13:31

The OP being a paying customer too.

Ellyess · 11/04/2019 13:39

LittleChristmasMouse
I'm not sure I'm talking about the same person as you. You mention
" Out of a completely empty cafe the mother and her child decided to sit next to a PP and disrupt her. The view on here - PP showed have moved."
I've been talking about the OP by Ginnymweasley' She had trouble from people whom she told us,
"A couple came and sat on the table next to us". So the couple who didn't like her baby, whom she was looking after, chose to sit next to her as she was there first.
Sorry if you meant someone else. I was just thinking of the OP.

Ellyess · 11/04/2019 13:42

HenSolo. Please Miss, I'm not lying.

animaginativeusername · 11/04/2019 13:47

@Ellyess Thankyou, she's coping really well, doesn't go to cinema anymore though from due to a negative experience

LittleChristmasMouse · 11/04/2019 13:50

Ellyess

No I'm talking about an experience reported on this thread by another poster.

EllenMP · 11/04/2019 14:09

If the baby wasn't crying or touching them or throwing food their way then they were quite out of order. "Can't control them" ? These must be childless people if they think you can "control" a restless nine month old baby. You did a good thing to take your daughter out even though it's a hassle when you have a baby in tow. Don't let one miserable couple get in your way.

Butterflyone1 · 11/04/2019 14:36

Oh my goodness I can't believe some of these comments. Thankfully I haven't wasted too much time reading them all.

The baby was 9 months old for Christ sake, give the poor OP a break. Hats off to her for taking her children out instead of being copped up indoors.

Do I like being near screaming children, of course not! Who actually likes noisy kids no one. However, the baby is so young you can not expect him to comply to a request to be quick.

If it was the three year old then you might have a little more hope reasoning with her.

MsTSwift · 11/04/2019 15:08

There are thoughtless knobs in both “groups” you can’t extrapolate from one cretin that “all parents” behave that way that’s daft.

jakscrakers · 11/04/2019 18:58

The couple were in the wrong, they came and sat near you, not the other way round they had a choice, and they chose to sit so commenting about parents who cant control their children because ds was babbling away was the wrong thing to do, are we supposed to stifle natural noise from children of course not.

As for other posters saying you should have left when your ds was babbling i am shocked at hearing/reading that. If you wish for silence when you are eating or whatever go to the library or stay at home simple ...

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