Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in cafe

658 replies

Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 18:52

Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?

OP posts:
NunoGoncalves · 09/04/2019 19:33

It's always kind of hard to tell with threads like this, because we're on;y getting one side of the story. If you really weren't that loud, OP, then of course YWNBU and the other couple were dicks for being so openly passive aggressive when they asked to move.

Having said that, it feels unlikely that they would be so rude if you really were as quiet as you say you were, so maybe we're just hearing your version?

Either way I think people who moan about kids making noise in public are stupid tbh. If you want a coffee in silence just go home.

WipeYourFeetOnTheRhythmRug · 09/04/2019 19:33

“DH and I went for a coffee recently in a local cafe full of mums and their toddlers/babies, we literally couldn’t hear each other across the table”

Why on earth did you even go in?!

OP they were really rude. But I have to say I never went to cafes with my small children. It was too stressful. Now they’re older it’s fun but when you’re just putting out fires all the time it’s exhausting and stressful.

nettie434 · 09/04/2019 19:33

YANBU at all. If the couple were so bothered by the possibility of being seated next to children, they could have checked the menu and checked who else was eating there.

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2019 19:34

I can see both sides of this. If you knew your son didn't settle without a high chair, I'd have cancelled the order and moved on myself.

Kids do make noise yes, but I'm going to guess they were louder than you thought, and with you walking around and him chucking food probably a bit disruptive. Personally I don't think they should have said anything though. But as said, I also think you should have cancelled the order and moved on when you knew there was no high chair available and also knew he needed one and wouldn't settle without it.

BirdsAndBlips · 09/04/2019 19:34

You were not!!! Your children and you have the absolute right to be in a public space. This is also a feminist issue. Confining women to their houses, scaring them with paternalistic rules about noise... this is bullshit.
Enjoy your lunchtime cafes and happy kids

iklboo · 09/04/2019 19:35

I ask this particularly to the charmless poster upthread who, not content with knowing she was ruining someone's lunch as it was, decided - hilariously I imagine she thought - to prolong the agony for everyone and order dessert.

No, she didn't. She made a hypothetical statement that that's what she might do.

LetsDialDownTheIanPaisley · 09/04/2019 19:35

You were there first OP. Unless these people were blind then you're not being unreasonable.

BlueBuilding · 09/04/2019 19:35

You did nothing wrong OP and nor did your baby.

Why are children thought to be more annoying than everyone else? OP's DC was a baby, acting like a baby. He's allowed to be in a public place, same as everyone else!

I find lots of people annoying,

-loud talkers
-people coughing/sneezing
-people on phones
-people who smell

I could go on... they're still allowed to be in cafés and other public places. Don't like it? Stay at home, but don't make other people feel uncomfortable.

I honestly can't believe people think they have the right to complain about a baby babbling, in a café, in the middle of the day! Confused

CupcakeDrama · 09/04/2019 19:35

yanbu as i would have actively avoided sitting next to you to begin with so they should have done the same.

InsertFunnyUsername · 09/04/2019 19:36

I really dont know what kind of miserable shit you have to be, to get annoyed by a baby babbling away in a cafe! (not a quiet, intimate restaurant) and it sounds like you did all you could to keep the noise down.

You were a paying customer like the rest and i wouldn't give it a second thought, people like that can really knock the confidence out of you. Don't let it OP.

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 09/04/2019 19:36

Extremely annoying of you to walk him round the cafe. And I’ll bet he sounded far louder to everyone else than he did to you.

elasticfantastic · 09/04/2019 19:37

I'm usually the first to be pissed off when kids are let loose in cafes and shops but from what you describe OP YANBU and they sound like twats. Ignore them and don't worry about it. The fact that you are even worrying about it shows that you are not one of those parents who let kids run riot in cafes/shops.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 19:37

The chucking food thing I in no way avoidable tbh. I figure all babies throw their food on the floor. I picked it up straight away. It was only a couple of bits of toast so not messy.

OP posts:
DemelzaPoldarksshinerrefiner · 09/04/2019 19:37

Ok for them to move, not ok to be ‘performance whingers’ about it. You did fine. How did the single high chair establishment staff deal with him ?

gauntletthrown · 09/04/2019 19:37

They were BU and are a pair of twats. The high chair thing makes not difference. Babies make noise and you are entitled to be in there just like they were. I think people forget what it was like - or maybe they didn't have any kids.

Aquilla · 09/04/2019 19:37

I never had the energy for this when mine were babies. Far better to pop into Greggs or even better a Sainsbury’s Local and grab something from the fruit and bakery sections. You'll save a fortune too.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 19:40

I was thinking about going to Gregg's etc but the town/ city is near the sea and I don't like fending off the seagulls that surround you when you eat outside. I figured a cafe was the best bet.
I wasnt walking around the cafe. Our table was in a corner, I walked him from the pram at one side round the table to my dd sat at the other side and back.

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 09/04/2019 19:41

Serin we found the same in Ireland my god people were so much nicer than in England. We took our kids out to eat in the local rural pub and were an hour late due to us forgetting clock change entirely our fault and they reopened the kitchen just for us because “you’ve children” That would never happen here!

HenSolo · 09/04/2019 19:42

She didn’t ‘walk him round the cafe’ she walked him round her table ffs.
Before I had kids I thought it was adorable when people walked them round cafes. Obviously I was wrong! But then I never realised how much people hate mothers until I became one.

timeisnotaline · 09/04/2019 19:42

I often wonder on threads like this one if the posters who are so verociously pro children felt that way before their precious offspring?
Yep, love them. Borrowed them for the weekend, expect them at weddings, gave my seat for them on buses...

AgentCooper · 09/04/2019 19:43

YANBU. What they said was really nasty and unnecessary. I’m always ‘that’ mum. Boisterous, high needs 18 month old here and tbh a comment like that would have made me cry. Or stomp over and swear at them but i’m sleep deprived and thus very unreasonable.

BlackberryandNettle · 09/04/2019 19:44

You did absolutely nothing wrong and it sounds like your baby and daughter were behaving well. I'd have given them a speech about not wanting your children exposed to their appalling rudeness, intolerance and condescension!! I'd be tempted to tell them to fuck right off, but that would of course be sinking to their level.

funinthesun19 · 09/04/2019 19:44

Yanbu. Some people are just so fucking rude and intolerant. You were keeping your baby entertained so their passive aggressive comment about “parents not controlling their children” does not apply to you! Plus you apologised (you didn’t need to), and they told you you should have left the cafe. For what reason exactly? Your baby made a babbling noise Hmm. Maybe they should have left instead.

Treaclesweet · 09/04/2019 19:47

Really shocked by some of the responses here, and the behaviour of the couple. Have people forgotten what it was like to have small children? I think you were fine & I thought these "children should be seen & not heard" attitudes had gone with the dinosaurs!

Do people just expect mums to stay at home where they couldn't possibly bother the public? These sort of attitudes damage women IMO.

BlackPrism · 09/04/2019 19:48

Ffs parents shouldn't have to leave mid meal because of some babbling. Unless it's shrieking I don't care.