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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in cafe

658 replies

Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 18:52

Today I was out with my dd(3) and my ds (9 months). We went into a small cafe for lunch, sat down and decided what we were having etc. Waitress came over and we ordered and i asked for a high chair, she informed me there was only 1 high chair and it was in use. So I got ds out if his pram for a bit cause he hates being in it if we are not moving.
He sat on my knee and played for a few mins but then started to get grumpy. He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible. I got up with him and let him walk around the table a few times holding my hands etc. He wasnt crying or anything just a trying to get down and throwing toys.
A couple came and sat on the table next to us. I stayed stood up with the baby,I didn't go near their table just let him walk around the chair/table to his sister and back. He started shouting a bit, again not crying just babbling loudly. I shushed him, picked him up and tried to distract him. By this point our food arrived.
I strapped him back in his pram and gave him some food to eat. He was again babbling and threw a few bits on the floor. The couple next to us at this point got up,loudly asked to be moved as they didn't like noisy children and parents that couldn't control them. I apologised but they just turned round and said I should have left the cafe as soon as he started making noise but my dd was eating and i was alone so i couldn't do that.
I was so embarrassed, my dd is brilliant when we are out and my ds wasnt screaming just babbling loudly. Wibu?

OP posts:
Chloemol · 09/04/2019 19:20

I just don’t understand why people are so intolerant nowadays. He wasn’t screaming down the place. Why can’t we just help each other out and be nice to each other

Susanna30 · 09/04/2019 19:21

Sometimes it's not easy to judge how loud our DC are being. We sort of get used to it & tune out.
I think the couple were quite rude as well though. So both of you were a little U.

myidentitymycrisis · 09/04/2019 19:21

people without kids or older people with adults kids really notice when its the school holidays and there are a lot more kids about in the daytime. I know yours aren't school age but I think its group effect.

PinaColadaPlease · 09/04/2019 19:21

I didn't find being in a cafe when my children were that small relaxing and enjoyable so I wouldn't have been surprised if others didn't either!

I don't think you were being totally unreasonable, you were perfectly entitled to be there but I understand why somebody wandering around by your table with a baby would be annoying.

I think the cafe is most at fault for only having one highchair.

managedmis · 09/04/2019 19:22

He is at that stage where he wants to be moving as much as possible.

^

So don't go to cafes?

I remember that stage, utter chaos. A café is the last place I'd have gone.

YABU.

NotQuiteSlimJim · 09/04/2019 19:22

As long as you only did as you said they were BU.

Also I'd recommend you get a travel high chair booster seat for this situation as you can strap them to a normal chair. Mine was so handy.

TheSheepofWallSt · 09/04/2019 19:22

Fuck. Ing. Hell.

OP you are not being unreasonable.
Your children are human beings- members of society- with as much right to be out, eating in a cafe and socialised as anyone else.

The noise of a baby is normal life noise.
we talk about snowflake Gen Y.... I say the snowflakes are the neurotypical people who can’t handle normal noises like children crying, shouting, laughing and talking in public.
And if anyone should stay at home it’s those joyless antisocial fuckers.
Because there is nothing more antisocial than making a mother and young children feel unwelcome in normal society.

Arseholes.

NotQuiteSlimJim · 09/04/2019 19:24

My travel high chair easily stowed in my prom/pushchair basket.

Farmerswifey12 · 09/04/2019 19:25

OP I totally sympathise. I have 3 children and 1 of mine at this age was very energetic and didn't like to be constrained either. I don't see anything wrong with what you did based on what you described. The couple were fine to move if they wanted quiet but were very rude to make that comment and make you feel that way.

Please don't let it deter you in future

S1naidSucks · 09/04/2019 19:25

I get annoyed at babies/toddlers screaming, because I suffer from tinnitus. If the parent is trying to calm them down, then I usually feel sorry for them, as my problem isn’t their fault. I would get pissed off if they were ignoring the noise and not attempting to calm the child, because that’s just bloody selfish. In either case I would just get up and move, without the need to make a parent feel shit.

It sounds like you were trying your best OP and they were just being dicks. I guarantee if your partner/husband was with you, they wouldn’t have opened their mouths.

Original poster
Ginnymweasley · 09/04/2019 19:26

I don't often go into cafes with them maybe once a month at the most. I had promised we would go and spend the money dd had, and it was further than we normally go in regards to distance from home but she wanted to go to the big toyshop. My dh works 6 days a week so sometimes I have no choice but to take them places by myself.

OP posts:
S1naidSucks · 09/04/2019 19:26

Maybe take a cage next time. 😉😁

BrilliantYou · 09/04/2019 19:26

You were not BU!!! I can't stand people like this. Why did they sit on the table next to you in the first place or why did they make such a fuss about moving!! You have as much right to be there as anyone else and shouldn't be made to feel like you're not. It's their problem not yours Smile

itsabugchicken · 09/04/2019 19:27

I don't think a 9 month old could have really made much noise at all. Hardly going through the terrible twos and having a screaming 20 minute tantrum in the middle of the cafe.

I think they WBU, its just something you accept when you go out in public. I recently sat near an annoying twat banging on loudly about his business, political views, bringing the stench of cigarettes in as he kept popping out to smoke several times. Much more annoying imo, but I didn't say anything because the whole world doesn't revolve around me.

Serin · 09/04/2019 19:27

FlowersFlowers
I got used to stares and "tuts" from miserable gits when my 3 were small. It was a complete revelation when DH was at a conference in Ireland (Cork) and I had to ask passersby if they knew of a nice child friendly cafe for lunch. Everyone looked at me like I was mad and said that I'd be welcome in any cafe Smile
In the end I was directed to a beautiful art gallery place that was full of suits at lunchtime.
Mine were wearing wellies but we were made so welcome and fussed over.

thebeesknees123 · 09/04/2019 19:27

This kind of thing did put me off going out when I had 2 young kids.

But, strictly speaking, they can't expect you to up and leave when food is coming. Htf are you supposed to explain that to a hungry older child?

cathf · 09/04/2019 19:28

I often wonder on threads like this one if the posters who are so verociously pro children felt that way before their precious offspring?
Did they never fancy a quiet coffee and did other people's children not irk them even slightly?
Are they so blinded by the fabulousness of their children that they are unable to put themselves in other people's shoes?
Or has the world got to change now that their children are here?
I ask this particularly to the charmless poster upthread who, not content with knowing she was ruining someone's lunch as it was, decided - hilariously I imagine she thought - to prolong the agony for everyone and order dessert. How do people get so self-centered?

Xyzzzzz · 09/04/2019 19:28

News flash children make noise! Are you meant to be keep them cooped up?? Seen and not heard?

Unless it was an adult centred cafe I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. The couple sound miserable and precious.

I was in costa today and their was a child there who kept jumping in it’s seat and was kicking mine. I was with DH. Did I kick up a fuss no tbh I just ignored it. Did it stop me enjoying my food. No it did not.

Rockbird · 09/04/2019 19:28

YANBU. You did nothing wrong but you clearly missed the memo that said once you have children they are under no circumstances allowed out in public. God forbid someone should have to sit near them. Hmm

Ignore people like this. You were perfectly within your rights to stay and eat.

HBStowe · 09/04/2019 19:31

They were really rude but I can see how in a small cafe a noisy baby could ruin it. It’s just one of those things you have to accept tho imo. Especially as you’re a single parent, if you’re on your own there’s not much you can do.

crazycatlady5 · 09/04/2019 19:31

YADNBU

The first year of my dds life I LIVED in cafes.

Marlena1 · 09/04/2019 19:31

I think you are not BU. I hate noisy kids and I absolutely detest them in pubs etc after 5.00pm. However this was daytime and in a cafe. It's hard to keep two quiet but sounds like you were doing ok. They were harsh.

timeisnotaline · 09/04/2019 19:32

In our area Id just say you’re in the wrong part of town, central London is that way. And ignore them.

HenSolo · 09/04/2019 19:33

I often wonder on threads like this one if the posters who are so verociously pro children felt that way before their precious offspring?

It’s not about feeling our offspring are ‘precious’ it’s about wanting the right to go to a bloody cafe and not be treated like a piece of shit when we are doing our best.
And of course I’m pro-children who the hell is anti-children??

Op don’t feel you have to justify why you went to the cafe. You had every right to be there whatever your reasons.

BloodsportForAll · 09/04/2019 19:33

Jeezus. YANBU.

Yes, he may have been louder than you thought, you are used to hearing him. I'm highly not a fan of noisy kids, babbling babies, anything screaming or banging cutlery or whatever. So it would have been hard for me. But I also have sensory needs. Maybe the couple did.

A cafe with a kids menu and highchair (they need a back up chair) is perfectly fine to take a baby into. Noisy or not. The couple could have gone somewhere less kid friendly.

Don't let this put you off.