What would you do? (MIL)

[LOTR]

Hi, would love to know what people do as a step between liking each other and no contact - how much interaction do you have weekly?

Me and DP have just bought a house together with the wedding booked for next year. I have tried really hard to get on with my MIL-to-be as she's important to DP obviously and I don't want to fall into the obvious, 'I hate my MIL'. But I really find her hard work. We have nothing in common at all but I've just tried to be polite. That's not the issue...

Every time I see or speak to her, she says something snide/pointed/nasty or bitchy to me - to the extent that my DP admitted that most of his family members have talked to her about how she talks to me (they did this without me knowing and I found out afterwards). Her exH (FIL) thinks this is hilarious and refers to it all the time, "How's it going with the MIL?" [Pointed chuckles]

My issue is that I have started to dread seeing her. My DP says it's not ok and has talked to his mum once about it but won't do more.

I don't really want to see her but I don't think it's a solution to sent him to events by himself as that's what she wants. Do I just need to put up with it? Send him alone?

Any advice would be much appreciated. AIBU in expecting him to deal with and stop his mum?

That sounds a lot more promising, LOTR; the key thing is that DH appears to have finally stepped up properly

It goes without saying that you won't be forgiven for this though, so you might want to prepare for mysterious "illnesses" to start making their appearance

Anyway thanks for updating us and fingers crossed for better behaviour in future

@LOTR ah great! DH deserves a great big pat on the back!! Most men try and ignore this kind of situation and hope it will go away

This has happened to me. I called her out with the “well that’s rude” and she responded “sorry but it’s my opinion in a bitchy tone” I replied “that’s all very well but it’s still rude to put other peoples choices down constantly “. She shut up after that.

you sound like you are bullying your husband, in every single post you have written on here. You have really failed to say why she is so detrimental that she deserves this proposed level of detachment. You are getting support from people who hate their MILs and feeling justified because we all on here only have what the poster gives and our own experience. You have upset your DP, you are being just really nasty; of course FIL will laugh with you, taking sides, justifying himself, playing favourite etc. etc. etc…. Just don't see her. Let him have his family and let him see his mam and keep your nastiness or INSECURITY out of it FFS. Or else come on here and give a valid reason as to what an utter bitch she is. (Disclaimer, I am not a MIL :)). Think about it OP.

speak to your dh about kids. Assuming you don't have them yet and are planning to. Let him know that you don't want future children to be around someone who treats you with disrespect. now would be the time to have this discussion anyway under the circumstances. Next step let mil know about it.

julensaor No one in their right mind is going to stand around and be talked to they way the mil is doing. A husband/partner should be sticking up for you.

The low contact may not be forever. He thinks it's the way to go right now so she can properly give weight to what he said to her about being nice and have time to change a little. The still speak every other day on the phone, it is just visits between them that have dwindled a little over the last few weeks.

There are a couple of fine gaslighters on this thread, I see.

When she said she would laugh at your name at your wedding I'd have said 'I can fix that for you, you are no longer invited. '.

I think you may have to take more control over interactions yourself in this case. She is getting away with rudeness because she knows nobody will make a fuss when it happens.

Point it out next time it happens. If she is rude, just say, 'that's it, we are going as you can't help being rude'.

He feels helpless being asked to police things. I think you are wasting your time expecting him to jump to your defence. If she knows you are capable of doing it yourself and making her look like an idiot, she will behave.