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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should have their own room (2.5yrs on)

234 replies

SouthernNorthernGirl · 07/04/2019 09:49

I posted a couple of years ago, asking who should have their own room. 3DC with 2 bedrooms between them. One is a box room and one is a small double. The DCs's current ages are DS1 16yrs, DS2 10yrs and DD 6yrs.

Mainly, just about, the vote was for the boys to share, with a few suggestions to leave as is, and to leave few years to swap. I did do that, we haven't moved, and DS1 still does not want to swap to share with his brother.

To update a few things from the last post, DS1 is now at college. DS2 received his diagnosis and is ASD. DD does want her own room now (she didn't before)

We had hoped to move, however this hasn't happened and so it is what it is.

Any suggestions, or thoughts on whats fair would be helpful. I'm at a loss to make everyone happy Grin Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
SouthernNorthernGirl · 07/04/2019 09:50

Link to first thread if it's relevant (probably)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2783861-About-who-has-their-own-room?pg=1

OP posts:
KataraJean · 07/04/2019 09:52

DD needs her own room. I don’t think there is any way around that.

Breathingfire · 07/04/2019 09:54

Dd needs her own room

MynameisJune · 07/04/2019 09:54

I didn’t think boys/girls could share after 7, or is that just an urban myth?

I’d still say a girl will eventually need her own room away from brothers especially once she starts periods etc.

Dana28 · 07/04/2019 09:55

I think the lads are too old to be in mixed sex rooms so Box room for girl

Original poster
SouthernNorthernGirl · 07/04/2019 09:55

Oh, yes. I know it's obvious, however current setup is DS1 in box room and DS2 & DD sharing the small double

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 07/04/2019 09:55

Is DS1 away for college? Or still living at home?

Either way dd needs her own room.

Dana28 · 07/04/2019 09:55

There is no 'law'

MyOtherProfile · 07/04/2019 09:56

Sorry thought ds1 was 16 in the last thread. As he is 16 now I guess he is living at home.

Singlenotsingle · 07/04/2019 09:56

Where do you sleep? Is your room big enough to split in 2? Is your lounge big enough to partition off and put a bed in?
Maybe you could sleep in a tent in the garden? (lighthearted)!

CandyCreeper · 07/04/2019 09:58

There are no laws about children sharing a room.

Leefygreen · 07/04/2019 09:59

I think the boys should probably share since they're getting older, a 10 year old probably shouldn't be sharing with his sister. Is the double room big enough to put something between them so it feels more like having their own bedroom

MuddyMoose · 07/04/2019 09:59

Boys in the bigger of the rooms & daughter in the small box room. I wouldn't even be questioning this to be honest. It won't be particularly pleasant for your eldest but that's the house set up so that's just the way it is.

Original poster
SouthernNorthernGirl · 07/04/2019 10:00

@MyOtherProfile - yes, that's current ages, DS1 is still at home.

@Singlenotsingle already doing that Grin

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 07/04/2019 10:00

The boys will have to share.

If you’re already in a sofa bed in the living room then you can’t do anything more.

Does DS1 have plans for university or are you expecting him to be at home longer than 2 years? You might just leave it as it is for another year or so if he’s moving out at 18, but if not he just needs to accept it’s the way it is.

Presume it’s small enough not to have a dining room or other space he could claim as his own?

Original poster
SouthernNorthernGirl · 07/04/2019 10:01

@Leefygreen probably just about enough space to slot in a dividing bookcase or something similar.

OP posts:
daisypond · 07/04/2019 10:01

I think it’s fine as it is, a sIx year old girl does not need her own room. I know teenage mixed sex siblings that still share because there’s no other option. Will the older boy move out to go to university at some point? That’s only two years away.

Original poster
SouthernNorthernGirl · 07/04/2019 10:03

@NoSquirrels He does want to go to uni, whether it'll happen is another thing. He is aiming toward it at least. Part of the problem is that I want him to feel like he has a home here for whenever he wants.

OP posts:
NewSchoolNewName · 07/04/2019 10:05

I’d be having the 2 DS’s share the larger bedroom and the DD alone in the box room.

I can understand the elder DS preferring to keep a bedroom to himself, but I think 10 yrs old is too old for brothers and sisters to be sharing a room when there’s an alternative option available.

Original poster
SouthernNorthernGirl · 07/04/2019 10:06

It won't be particularly pleasant for your eldest

That's the issue I think. I want everyone to be happy with the arrangement.

OP posts:
daisypond · 07/04/2019 10:06

He still will have a home but it’s reasonable for him to understand that the room allocation might have to change if he goes away. He must be able to see how cramped it is for you all.

Leefygreen · 07/04/2019 10:06

A bookcase could probably work but if he does go to uni keep the bedroom like that maybe move the book case. At least that way when he isn't home the younger two have a bedroom each and he still has a space at home for him

OwlinaTree · 07/04/2019 10:09

Can furniture be arranged so the double is split a bit?

We have a small 3 bed and that wouldn't be possible for us, but yours might be bigger.

This is tricky. Issue with your boys sharing is soon your oldest is going to start staying out late etc which could wake your other son up if he's sharing.

OTOH, he's had a room to himself for a long time, maybe it's time to give another child a chance.

Is he likely to leave home to go to uni? If so I might leave him in the single till 18, then move round so he shares with other son in the holidays.

If he's not likely to move out at 18, I think I'd put the DD in the small room and the boys share.

NoSquirrels · 07/04/2019 10:13

He’s not going to be happy giving up his soace. He’s a teen!

And if he gets to stay in his own space until uni, then he’d have to accept that’s at the price of not having it when he’s back home.

Could the room work with a bunk bed and desk or something? So his privacy is a bit more protected & they’re not right on top of each other?

No funds/suitability for e.g. boarding out loft to get an extra space?

juneau · 07/04/2019 10:16

I really think you need to move. Your house simply isn't big enough and each one of your DC really needs their own room - a teen boy, a 10 year-old boy with ASD and a 6-year-old girl. You chose to have three DC and you need to house them appropriately. Sorry, I know that maybe sounds harsh, but you can't expect these DC to share any more. It's not appropriate or pleasant for any of them.