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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should have their own room (2.5yrs on)

234 replies

SouthernNorthernGirl · 07/04/2019 09:49

I posted a couple of years ago, asking who should have their own room. 3DC with 2 bedrooms between them. One is a box room and one is a small double. The DCs's current ages are DS1 16yrs, DS2 10yrs and DD 6yrs.

Mainly, just about, the vote was for the boys to share, with a few suggestions to leave as is, and to leave few years to swap. I did do that, we haven't moved, and DS1 still does not want to swap to share with his brother.

To update a few things from the last post, DS1 is now at college. DS2 received his diagnosis and is ASD. DD does want her own room now (she didn't before)

We had hoped to move, however this hasn't happened and so it is what it is.

Any suggestions, or thoughts on whats fair would be helpful. I'm at a loss to make everyone happy Grin Shock

OP posts:
outpinked · 07/04/2019 10:45

The boys should share. Eldest will likely be moving away in a couple of years to uni anyway so won’t have to deal with sharing for very long. Your DD needs her own space and I fully back opposite sexes being separated as soon as they want to be.

Quartz2208 · 07/04/2019 10:45

Where does your DS1 do his school work -

The problem is that is no answer that does suit everyone and they do all need their space.

The question is does DS1 need for his own space to do his school work A levels etc trump your DD need for her own room and privacy as a girl with a boy. Then your asd son also needs his own space.

What is not working about the status quo at the moment is it functioning ok at the moment or not?

chillpizza · 07/04/2019 10:46

It’s not about the DDs puberty it’s about her brothers. One will be of the age and one very close to the age of self pleasuring and well no little girl should be in a room where that is happening.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/04/2019 10:46

Can you not convert the loft or divide the double room? What were the plans before adding a third child to the mix? At 16 he should have privacy, he's almost and adult.

ReallyImportant · 07/04/2019 10:48

Why did you have children you couldn’t afford to house?

BarbaraofSevillle · 07/04/2019 10:49

Posters announcing that the DD must have her own room, how do people with very large families manage

Well clearly in Mumsnet land people just move to a bigger house or build an extension when the number of bedrooms needed so that parents and DC can all have their own room, plus possibly guest rooms etc

ReallyImportant · 07/04/2019 10:50

Or perhaps don’t have children we can’t afford.

polarpig · 07/04/2019 10:50

The two boys should share the largest available bedroom and DD should have the smallest one.

Original poster
SouthernNorthernGirl · 07/04/2019 10:53

Why did you have children you couldn’t afford to house?

Was waiting for this little gem. The answer is, we didn't.

It was fine 10yrs ago, when we just had a primary school child and a newborn. It was fine 6yrs ago, when we had 2 small boys that shared and a newborn in the bedroom with us.
Fast forward a bit, and as much as we would like to move, house prices and a DS2 being rather settled at a school that puts his needs above and beyond, as well as the other 2 being happy at the school / college, makes it slightly harder than just upping and moving.

OP posts:
BelindasRedPlasticHandcuffs · 07/04/2019 10:54

Why did you have children you couldn’t afford to house?

Really? Op is talking about sharing a bedroom not making one of them sleep under a tarp on the street. All having their own room would be nice but it's not a necessity.

DD needs to have the box room - it isn't fair on either child to have a boy at the age of puberty sharing with a young girl.

TheABC · 07/04/2019 10:54

They all need their own space for different reasons - at best, you will get another 18 months out of the existing arrangements. Can you afford to create an extra room, such as log cabin in the garden, loft extension or room splitting? If not, you will need to move.

notapizzaeater · 07/04/2019 10:55

Is your bedroom bigger ? Could you move into the double and let them have your room with some sort of divider ?

Flobalob · 07/04/2019 10:56

I would wait until your middle child is 12, then swap the boys to share.

TheABC · 07/04/2019 10:56

If the house prices have gone up, could the added value of your house given you room to extend the mortgage and make modifications? It could be the least stressful option.

IceRebel · 07/04/2019 10:56

Is your bedroom bigger ?

The OP doesn't have a room, the house only has 2 bedrooms, she sleeps in the living room.

Di11y · 07/04/2019 10:56

I think keep dd and ds2 together, and look the room divider bunk beds a pp posted. if ds1 doesn't go to uni he'll have to share with ds2 (good incentive Wink)

BarbedBloom · 07/04/2019 10:57

I can’t see how it would work with the 10 and 16 year old sharing either as surely your ten year old will be going to bed a lot earlier and then where does your 16 year old go? If he is in the living room then you and your husband get no private time together and if your son comes in late he will wake up his brother. The age differences are a problem really and the oldest will need space to study too.

The only option really is to somehow divide the bedroom with furniture or a curtain etc.

ReallyImportant · 07/04/2019 10:58

Why did you have children you couldn’t afford to house?

Was waiting for this little gem. The answer is, we didn't.

Yes you did! You’ve just said it was fine ten and six years ago but not now.

juneau · 07/04/2019 10:58

You haven't answered PPs questions about doing a loft or garage conversion or some kind of structure in the garden. Do you have a garden, a garage, a convertible loft? If you have the latter, could you squeeze two bedrooms up there? If so, that would give you all a room each and you wouldn't be sleeping in the living room. Saying that you're not all cramped is ridiculous when the parents don't even have a bedroom.

Original poster
SouthernNorthernGirl · 07/04/2019 10:58

Or perhaps don’t have children we can’t afford

Another one, before i even finished replying to the first. I can afford my children, thank you very much. They have all the clothes they need, nice food, education costs covered. They are lucky enough to have a access to a holiday each year too, as well as any school trips. They attend clubs, receive pocket money and the occasional treat. Days out are afforded, and they aren't short on games and books.

Anything I'm missing here?

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 07/04/2019 10:58

But the OP and her DH don’t even have their own room. I can’t imagine planning my family around that scenario.

MyDcAreMarvel · 07/04/2019 10:59

One will be of the age and one very close to the age of self pleasuring and well no little girl should be in a room where that is happening.
So he just doesn’t it’s not a human right or necessary.
A child with a disability having their own room is necessary.

Di11y · 07/04/2019 10:59

just realised it's ds2 with the dx. that changes everything. think the boys should share.

Asta19 · 07/04/2019 11:00

Wow, I’m blown away by some of the nasty responses on here. It is not a “requirement” before having DC that they have their own room each!
In the real world, a room to yourself as a child is a luxury not a right! And it is absolutely not necessary. To the pp who said the boy might want to “pleasure” himself. Really? He needs his own room for that? They have a bathroom if he’s that desperate! There is absolutely nothing wrong with 2 DC sharing a room.

OP, I think the best idea is the two boys in the bigger room with some sort of division, shelves or curtains.

sashh · 07/04/2019 11:00

I think I would be looking for a caravan if you have space. Have two beds in the room for the boys but a caravan would give your eldest his own space.

Your dd needs her own room, ds1 will have to lump it. Although I'd implement some sort of time share to allow ds1 time and space to study.

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