Who should have their own room (2.5yrs on)

[SouthernNorthernGirl]

I posted a couple of years ago, asking who should have their own room. 3DC with 2 bedrooms between them. One is a box room and one is a small double. The DCs's current ages are DS1 16yrs, DS2 10yrs and DD 6yrs.

Mainly, just about, the vote was for the boys to share, with a few suggestions to leave as is, and to leave few years to swap. I did do that, we haven't moved, and DS1 still does not want to swap to share with his brother.

To update a few things from the last post, DS1 is now at college. DS2 received his diagnosis and is ASD. DD does want her own room now (she didn't before)

We had hoped to move, however this hasn't happened and so it is what it is.

Any suggestions, or thoughts on whats fair would be helpful. I'm at a loss to make everyone happy

What a fucking patronising, first world, middle class thread! Does everyone live up their own Acacia Avenue arses?

Far worse housing situations have existed before and not everyone has emerged traumatised by it. Honestly, some people in this country don’t realise how the rest of the world get by. Sharing rooms in multiple room houses does not equal misery.

OP, you are doing nothing wrong. Have a sit down chat with your family about what would work. Thye are all old enough to have a fair input and help reach a decision. Odd numbers help with the voting too, eh😛 Good luck and trust your instincts.

I think that I would keep the youngest two together until your second son goes to secondary school. I really think a 16 year old needs some privacy and somewhere to study. If he shares with his younger brother for the next two years where is he supposed to study and where is he supposed to hang out in the evenings? Kids that I have known that have been in cramped households have ended up spending most evenings down the park with their mates and that doesn’t always end well.

If you give your daughter the box room then I think I would put bunk beds in both rooms, so that if the boys are arguing, or if the older boy needs to study late or has a friend over, then there is always the option that the younger boy can sleep in the other bunk.

Supercuts " what on earth are you on about? "Stick the boot in" is a common phrase:
Google it:
phrase British informal. to criticize or unfairly attack someone who is already in a difficult position. That's just like him to put the boot in when I'm down.

Jesus wept.

Would something like this be viable?

Also - with your son being diagnosed as ASD, there may be help available from your local council (i.e. an increase in housing benefit as certain behaviours - i.e. not sleeping properly (if this applies) can make him unsuitable to share & increase your eligibility from 3 bedrooms to 4 bedrooms. It's my understanding that this is automatic if your child gets C-DLA (which he'd likely be eligible for).

Otherwise, are there any local council grants which could be used to add another room / extension to your existing house? I've heard of families with disabled children (without enough space for bedrooms) being awarded grant money for this before (could have even been the disabled adaptations grant?).

God there's some right cunts on here.

Op I'd try to leave it as is for another year or 2 then move the boys in together and have this set up;

Would it fit two single high sleepers(desks underneath? And put a room divider in the middle?

Sorry if you've already answered but could you have a big Wendy house put in the garden so dd has her own space to play?

Can’t you move to a cheaper area and get a house with enough bedrooms? Why would you have 3 children when you live in a 2 bed house.

How about you and dd in double room, one of the boys in box room and the other in the corner of the living room you currently use? Or dd in the living room if she'll cope better with the noise and ds2 sharing with you?

It's not ideal but if you're feeling like a move is needed it might work? You won't be in the bedroom during the day so whichever kid is sharing can still play in it, and they will be asleep by the time you go to bed.

Not read the entire thread but I would say keep the situation as it is until your eldest leaves home. If that's in two years then your others would be 12 and 8? That'd be fine. After that, move DD into the box room. When your eldest comes home to visit, he can share with his brother.

I feel your sons should share a (possibly divided) room and your DD should have the box room based on their sex and ages.

I know it's not something a parent would wish to think about, and I feel yukky for even bringing this up, but I once worked with a woman who ran away from home at 15 because she was systematically sexually abused by her half brother for 7 years.

The half brother she shared a room with
was 7 years older than her. She had been assaulted then raped numerous times from the age of 8 to 15 when she left because she told her mum and her mum wouldn't believe this of her son. This had a profound effect on her life.

I'm not saying this would happen in your case but when your 10-year-old's hormones are raging, and he starts to explore his feelings and body, who knows what could occur.

My understanding is the council have criteria for how many rooms a family with DC of both sexes require. Surely the principles of such safety criteria should apply to private property ownership too.