Who should have their own room (2.5yrs on)

[SouthernNorthernGirl]

I posted a couple of years ago, asking who should have their own room. 3DC with 2 bedrooms between them. One is a box room and one is a small double. The DCs's current ages are DS1 16yrs, DS2 10yrs and DD 6yrs.

Mainly, just about, the vote was for the boys to share, with a few suggestions to leave as is, and to leave few years to swap. I did do that, we haven't moved, and DS1 still does not want to swap to share with his brother.

To update a few things from the last post, DS1 is now at college. DS2 received his diagnosis and is ASD. DD does want her own room now (she didn't before)

We had hoped to move, however this hasn't happened and so it is what it is.

Any suggestions, or thoughts on whats fair would be helpful. I'm at a loss to make everyone happy

Is there any way you (the parents) can sleep downstairs and free up another room at least until DS1 is away at uni? My aunt and uncle did this and it worked quite well.

Could you do something like this photo with a bunk bed and some plywood to create two private spaces for the boys in the double?
Dd really should have her own room

I've two boys 14 and 10 in bunk beds, seems to work OK. I can see it might be harder if they have got used to rooms apart though.

Clearly DD should have the box room. Why don’t you do that??

He’s not going to be happy giving up his soace. He’s a teen

Well tough, unless they have a dining room that can be given up, or the living room turned into a bedroom, if moving is not an option for whatever reason, they have to share. What other solution is there?

It's not always a case of 'just moving' whether for financial or other reasons.

Friend of mine put her 16 YO in a caravan on the drive when their family outgrew their house and moving was not an option.

DD is only 6, maybe she can share with the 10 YO for another year, and then swap over then?

I like those enclosed bunk beds

I really think you need to move
Yes, probably. Easier said than done though really.

Your house simply isn't big enough
We aren't all cramped and on top of one another. We have enough room for everyone's stuff and for the home to still look nice and function well. It's just the decision of who to put in which room really.

Op fwiw I moved into a 3 bed from a 2 bed when ds1 was 7, dd 5 and ds2 was a few months old.
I put both boys in together and dd had the box room.
Ds2 spent about a year in my room so ds1 and dd made their rooms theirs.

Ds1 hates sharing and wants his own room. He goes to his dad's alot atm because he has his GCSE this year and has his own room there he can escape too.
At home we have a rule that if ds1 is studying ds2 can go in get what he needs, clothes, toys etc then he goes into my room and uses that as his room.
Is that something you could do so that they all have their own bit of space?

you need to house them appropriately

What does this even mean?

you can probably squeeze another year -18 months out of current situation is DS1 taking his a levels 2 years from now or a year from now?
if a year from now I would let him stay in the box room but make it crystal clear that as soon as the exams are over you will be re jigging the space so he is sharing with his brother by then DS2 will be going to high school and DD should then have the box room,
obviously if you could afford loft conversion extension you could possibly also move but if you have a garden the eldest could have a shed as a den study etc if he is prepared to help dig you can lay a heavy duty cable so it will have electric if you look at tiny house websites you can get some ideas of how much you can squeeze into a shed and just he can just sleep in the room he shares with brother
you have to accept there is no space for anyone to have friends to sleepover
if A levels are 2 years this May it gets trickier maybe you could do the shed study over the summer holidays

Is it your own house or do you rent. Just asking to get an idea what limits you have on reconfiguring.

@Bluelonerose seems your DS's have the same age gap as mine. How does DS2 feel about sharing the room? Does DS1 say what it is that annoys him so much about sharing?

The photo picture looks great. Failing that, use two tall bookcases to divide the room. One facing into each bedroom.

Your son with asd has the greater need for his own room. I don’t think siblings need out rooms because of their sex it’s not flowers in the attic.
They can change in the bathroom.

Going against the grain if your DS1 is in lower sixth I’d leave as is for 4 more terms and hope he gets a uni place which means the situation resolves itself. I do not think mixed sex sharing at 12 and 8 is that bad. Once he goes to uni he can share with DS2 in the holidays.

you need to house them appropriately

It means that given the ages/sexes/SEN of your DC they need their own rooms. If you had, say, twin boys and a girl then it would be easy to put the girl in one room and the boys in the other, but you don't. You have DC that all have different needs, so they really need their own rooms.

If DS1 does go uni, it wont be this year. He has another year or 2 at college, before he's done there.

Just bite the bullet op. You're not going to keep everyone happy, the question is what is reasonable and best meets differing needs.
My parents converted the garage. Previously slept in living room, but big kitchen so used that as reception

I think if you put DS1 into a shared room with your 10 year old DS who has ASD then you need to make sure he has somewhere quiet to study. Exam years are important.

Personally, I would leave alone until after exams unless you can give him a quiet space for study.

How is your house not cramped if you have 2 small bedrooms and you and your husband sleep in the lounge ? Aside from that do you have room for a conservatory / caravan / summerhouse that you could use as a private space for your eldest , hence leaving the other 2 with their own rooms . Although it seems a bit ridiculous that we are all puzzling how to get your children private space whilst you sleep in the lounge .

We aren't all cramped and on top of one another.

It doesn't sound that way, you have 5 people living in a 2 bed house. You sleep in the living room, I can't see how you think you aren't cramped. [cofused]

Posters announcing that the DD must have her own room, how do people with very large families manage?
I do understand the reluctance to move DS1 and the wish to make him feel it will always be his home, I think that there have to be some privileges to being the eldest. I don't think the six year old needs her own room until she is approaching puberty so that gives you a few more years by which time the eldest may have moved out.

Is there any chance of moving?

With a older teen boy and a boy about to hit puberty long term the DD needs her own room.

Could you even curtain divide the double for the boys a bit like hospital curtain from the ceiling but nicer obviously so they can have it open and shared or shut off if they require?

I have two dds sharing and a boy in the box room and it’s perfect for now but I’m aware as the girls get older they will want some privacy so constantly thinking a head in case we haven’t moved.

But if you don't want to/can't move then leave as is for now. Your teen is the one who really needs his own room, not your 6-year-old, who would merely like to have their own room, but then who wouldn't?