Who should have their own room (2.5yrs on)

[SouthernNorthernGirl]

I posted a couple of years ago, asking who should have their own room. 3DC with 2 bedrooms between them. One is a box room and one is a small double. The DCs's current ages are DS1 16yrs, DS2 10yrs and DD 6yrs.

Mainly, just about, the vote was for the boys to share, with a few suggestions to leave as is, and to leave few years to swap. I did do that, we haven't moved, and DS1 still does not want to swap to share with his brother.

To update a few things from the last post, DS1 is now at college. DS2 received his diagnosis and is ASD. DD does want her own room now (she didn't before)

We had hoped to move, however this hasn't happened and so it is what it is.

Any suggestions, or thoughts on whats fair would be helpful. I'm at a loss to make everyone happy

BarbaraofSevillle OP says she wants him to have a room to come back to.

The sleeping only bedroom and quiet study in the boxroom also sounds like a workable solution, if three beds will fit in the double bedroom, one will probably need to be a bunk bed.

I think that the status quo is ok for now and possibly another couple of years.

There is an undercurrent of dislike for teenagers and teenage boys in particular on MN. 16 is a very tricky age and I would prioritise DS1s needs above DDs wishes. DD will have the space when her turn comes because when she is 16 DS will be long gone.

I think the caravan in the garden is a genius idea - if there is a garden.

DeaflySilence has some great ideas.

Do you have a separate dining room?

Do you really think that if they had a separate dining room OP and her DH would be sleeping in a corner of the lounge?

I know MN is in the 'first world' but really some PPs are unreal! The OPs family would like more bedrooms but they are not suffering terribly, in the great scheme of things. Having 3 children in a 2 bed house is not the crime of the century! Ideally they would each have their own bedroom, as they have individual needs, but this is a fairly recent expectation.

For now I would have the youngest two share and the eldest in the box room. Divide the double room into two separate areas as best as you can. If your eldest moves out to go to university then DD moves into the box room in a couple of years. If DS1 has to do some of his college work in a library that is OK. In a few years things may change for you financially, you may feel able to move to another area. You have to do what works best for your family now.

Check bylaws for a caravan in the garden! It can be used as an annexe to the home if there are no local laws prohibiting it.

@SouthernNorthernGirl, We had 6 dc in a 2 bed mid terrace, no option to convert loft and no garage. We owned that. We did move, to rented. 3 double bedrooms, lounge, separate dining room, conservatory and attached garage.

We are luckier than you in that we have 2 boys and 2 girls. The ages are now 7,7,8,10 (oldest 2 due birthday in next few weeks to make them 9,11). It does make sharing a lot easier.

One girl and one boy have Sen - adhd and adhd with suspected asd. I understand how utterly impossible it is to keep everyone happy.

I would honestly look at rental properties within travelling distance of ds2's school.

we are going to be investing in loft beds for our dc so storage and desk space can go underneath sleeping space. It will give the younger children much needed floor space to play upstairs. Whilst we have made the conservatory a play space, it has the shared games console and tv in there as well and they don't all want to play together.

The boys will have their room split in two with an ikea Kalax type unit, half height as we don't want to block the window. Ds1, who has the biggest problem with people being in his space will have the half on the other side is the room to the door, to avoid him arguing that ds2 is in his space to cross the room and blocking the doorway.

Eldest dd will be given a refurbished bureau with lock to keep her precious things away from dd2.

Because we have the dining room, at the moment homework is done in there at the table. But when dd1 starts secondary school in sept, the bureau will allow her space in quiet to do it upstairs.

Because you have 2 boys and one girl, here's what I would do.

Both bedrooms are decorated with gender neutral decor. Your 6yo, realistically, will be less likely to spend time on her own than her oldest brother. In the box room you have a bed and storage for DD. Plus a desk for ds1. He can utilise the space during the day until DD's bedtime.

The bigger room has 2 beds - preferably bunk to maximise floor space. L shaped bunks are great where one on top might cause issues. If you need completely separate then loft bunks with storage/desk underneath. Ds1 keeps his things in the shared room. He is unlikely to have toys etc like the younger ones and at 10, I suspect ds2 also has less in the way of actual toys.

It will be a good opportunity for ds1 to learn how to successfully share living space for if he does go to uni and ends up sharing accommodation at some point.

Come on OP, you clearly didn't have enough space for three children.

You sleep in the living room FGS!

Nothing wrong with children sharing - it's perfectly normal and natural, but not to the extent the parents have to sleep in the living room and there still isn't enough space!

What size is the bigger bedroom? Would something like this work? Obviously you can use it as an idea rather than paying someone to do it. You can buy a cheap bunk bed and sheet in each side.

www.houzz.co.uk/photos/bunk-bed-room-divider-transitional-kids-new-york-phvw-vp~26253147

I would leave them as they are until your son leaves for uni, then move your daughter into his room.

He will have half the bigger room to return to, and you son with ASD gets a larger room that he doesn't have to share during term time.

As your daughter approaches teenage years she will, if possible, need space away from her brothers.

To those who have said 'why did you have children you can't afford to house' - which one do you suggest she should send back?

@adaline - sometimes things happen that you cannot predict. We never expected to have 4 dc in our tiny house but it happened. And then we were left in a home we couldn't sell as the current selling price wouldn't clear the mortgage.

I'd make the living room a bedroom and split it in 2, give dd the box room and make the double the living room/your room

To be honest I don't think there are any great options here.

Your DS 16 is old enough to need privacy and space to study.
Your DS 10 has ASD and probably a much early bedtime than his brother.
Your DD 6 no longer wants to share with a sibling of the opposite gender.

Personally I think the boys should share, but I think it will need to come down to your own assessment of your kids and their needs.

I just read your original thread, OP. Did you not try dividing the room as a poster suggested? That way the two youngest can still ‘share’ but still have their own space at bed time and your oldest can stay where he is.

As for your bed/sitting room, I got a corner bed settee, with storage, from ikea that is a saviour when my oldest comes for a visit.

I think the boys should share but how does your son with ASD cope with noise, mess etc? My ASD child needs a lot of quiet time and shared space would be an issue. There would also be problems with mess, things being touched etc!

On the assumption your DS2 will be able to cope then short term I think putting the boys in together is the only option.

Personally I think I would move further afield if it made moving more affordable and then commute to school as you don't want to change schools, which I understand would be difficult for DS2.

I will have this dilemma. Ds1 is 9 and autistic. Dd is 7 and ds2 is 7 months and is in our bedroom.

Ds1 needs his own room. Doctors etc agree and I even have something in writing that states he needs his own room - when I was applying for something.

Dd also really needs her own room. Or will do very soon.

Looking to move to a 4 bed or at least a very big 3 bed where I could put a room divider in

The council guidelines for housing benefits and bedroom tax are shared mixed sex until 10, shared single sex until 16, own room 17+

It isn't law though so it doesn't bump you up the council housing waiting list nor does it affect property owners. The only other option is a decent sofa bed elsewhere which is common in cities overseas with very high rents

This must be a tiny house for 5 people, it doesn't seem possible that there is 'plenty of space'. If it's a 2 storey house and has only a small double and a box room then downstairs must be cramped also so I'm struggling to envisage how part of the living space could be sectioned off to create a sleeping space for 2 adults. Maybe it's a tiny bungalow. Anyway, even if moving has become impossible due to house prices, many people have stayed put and extended as a more affordable option. Have you explored all possibilities to get the space you clearly need, but within a feasible budget?

Well, there you have it OP, the people of MN have solved your problem - go back in time and have less children because you only have a 2 bed house. All sorted

If DS2 is ASD, will he share with DS1? I'm sorry, but I understand that you feel you've provided and provide everything they could need- but they also need space. How big is the living room? Would two of them fit in there instead, you have the other room, box room for DD?

trebless when I was at school a friend had a divided room. It was big but had been divided across the middle so you had to walk through one room to get to the other 😁. Of course, rows ensued as to who had the walk through room.

Eventually her dad changed it to a thin corridor along one side with two doors off. It looked like a hotel corridor! We were all really envious!

Funny how you remember unusual things from school!

Would a giant IKEA Kaplan divide the bigger room sufficiently? Or are the ceilings high enough for a small mezzanine with a mattress on and a curtain draped from the ceiling?

Or a summerhouse outside for the elder teen?