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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m a Mugg ! AIBU to think it was going to be different?

192 replies

Livelaughlovetoday · 05/04/2019 21:46

We allowed friends and family (a handful) to stay in our home for a few days at a time while we were away for a few months. I’ve returned to a number of things missing.

I want to avoid drip feeding but SIL agreed to let her family (14 people) stay in my home one weekend without my knowledge.

Since being home full details are emerging and I’m noticing more items missing in my home each day.

AIBU to have not considered that I was going to be taken for a fool?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 05/04/2019 21:48

Were there issues with her before that might have suggested this might happen?

I wouldn’t have thought a trusted family member would behave like that.

John470322 · 05/04/2019 21:48

If people stayed in your home they should have respected I and been careful to avoid any damage

PurpleDaisies · 05/04/2019 21:49

I wouldn’t have thought a trusted family member would behave like that.

Worded this badly-I mean I wouldn’t have expected a trusted family member to have behaved like that either.

TowelNumber42 · 05/04/2019 21:51

What kind of things are missing?

AdamAntsCrackpotHistory · 05/04/2019 21:52

Slightly confused - did your DH know that SILs (i.e., his as well) family was staying but you didn't? How did they get in?!

Cocobean30 · 05/04/2019 21:52

I don’t think you are being unreasonable, they are family so should be trustworthy. SIL’s family should have been extra respectful and extra careful as they are not directly related to you! I would be super paranoid about looking after someone’s house in that situation, even more so if there isn’t a close direct connection

Original poster
Livelaughlovetoday · 05/04/2019 21:57

I never thought SIL would have done this to me.

SIL asked a few months ago if her family could spend a weekend. We agreed and they were going to cover costs to ensure after a larger crowd everything would be clean. They thoroughly enjoyed that weekend. Unbeknown to me she agreed for a second weekend recently with more family.

What is worse though is that a number of items have been removed from my home.

I feel like a proper fool thinking it was going to be different.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 05/04/2019 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Drum2018 · 05/04/2019 22:01

Figure out what's missing and then send a group text asking if anyone moved your items or put them away for safety reasons as they are missing. I'd be livid that sil thought it was ok to let her family use your home. Make sure you get your keys back.

OKBobble · 05/04/2019 22:01

Well send her a list and say that these things are missing from our property and I can only assume that they have either been removed or broken by the guests who stayed at our house. Can you please ask them to return them or reimburse me for breakages.

Original poster
Livelaughlovetoday · 05/04/2019 22:04

MIL keeps our keys. We are very close and thought we could trust her. DH did not know that anyone was going to our home. He is furious.

Items missing;
Sport equipment,
Dishes,
Tupperware,
Plates,
Whole set of cutlery,
Clothing,
Games,
Duvet,
Sheets,
Towels,
Unopened bottles of alcohol.

That’s what I have noticed until now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Livelaughlovetoday · 05/04/2019 22:04

Not by me.

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 05/04/2019 22:05

Have you raised it with her?

Fiveredbricks · 05/04/2019 22:06

Ask her to replace them straight away or you'll be going to the police and logging a report of theft.

TowelNumber42 · 05/04/2019 22:07

That's not a few things missing. That's burglary! I'd be calling the police.

adamsappletree · 05/04/2019 22:10

Tell her she's got 2 days to return/replace everything or you're reporting it to the police

Timewarpdancer · 05/04/2019 22:12

Wow, is there much left?
I’d tell her your getting the police involved.
And get your locks changed

BertrandRussell · 05/04/2019 22:12

Send an email saying that these [list] things are missing and you are going to the police tomorrow.

BertrandRussell · 05/04/2019 22:13

And change the locks.

Original poster
Livelaughlovetoday · 05/04/2019 22:13

I spoke to my MIL and SIL and they were offended and taken aback that I would have thought they would be involved in anything untoward taking place in my home. The discussion did not go well and it exploded rather unpleasantly.

I don’t believe people I know would steal from me but with bigger groups of people I don’t know personally - I don’t feel the same way. So I don’t feel I’m able to address this with the handful of people who I allowed to stay in my home, because I fear the same reaction now after the explosion with MIL and SIL. I know 1 other family member used my home for a get together.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 05/04/2019 22:17

That’s even better. You can say that you know MIL and SIL definitely weren’t involved so you can go straight to the police.

givemesteel · 05/04/2019 22:19

That is unbelievable, that's not a small list.

With a lot of those things I wonder whether the party got out of hand and broken or stained items (like towels or the crockery) were just removed and they hoped you wouldn't notice (?)

Sports equipment and games may have been used so out somewhere different, maybe?

Alcohol was obviously drunk.

But clothing is completely inexplicable.

All you can do is write a list of items (and make it clear that this is only what you've discovered so far) and their value and ask for the items to be returned or for you to be given whatever the monetary value is to replace them.

This is a horrible thing to happen and your SIL is 100% responsible for her guests so needs to stump up the cost if her friends won't give stuff back. I'd never speak to her again if she didn't.

adamsappletree · 05/04/2019 22:22

You need to get tough, they're taking the piss

Xyzzzzz · 05/04/2019 22:26

How ridiculous! Your SIL should be reimbursing you for the missing items 🙄 not that they will.

Nala8 · 05/04/2019 22:30

They are taking the piss!