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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m a Mugg ! AIBU to think it was going to be different?

192 replies

Livelaughlovetoday · 05/04/2019 21:46

We allowed friends and family (a handful) to stay in our home for a few days at a time while we were away for a few months. I’ve returned to a number of things missing.

I want to avoid drip feeding but SIL agreed to let her family (14 people) stay in my home one weekend without my knowledge.

Since being home full details are emerging and I’m noticing more items missing in my home each day.

AIBU to have not considered that I was going to be taken for a fool?

OP posts:
Nearlythere1 · 05/04/2019 22:39

Your sister in law essentially loaned your house to a bunch of strangers without your permission and she's the one getting upset and offended? That's priceless. Tell her that, and report the thefts to the police. Honestly that is outrageous of her to have done that.

Ohyesiam · 05/04/2019 22:42

Change the locks

LagunaBubbles · 05/04/2019 22:43

Phone the Police!

Peterpiperpickedwrong · 05/04/2019 23:02

Change the locks
^this. And don’t ever let her loan out your house like a hotel again.

LizB62A · 05/04/2019 23:06

I'd report it to the police as a burglary then when they ask if anyone had access to your house you can point them in her direction....

NutMeghan · 05/04/2019 23:13

14 people stayed at your home for a single weekend? All of them at the one time?

That is a recipe for disaster. I would be so upset. A handful of people ok, but 14!!!

NutMeghan · 05/04/2019 23:15

Are you quite wealthy? Are the items expensive and of high quality?

WellThisIsShit · 05/04/2019 23:21

Good Lord! What a nightmare! Is this your permanent home? Are these things your own private belongings?

I’d be thinking about the police too.

Atthebottomofthegarden · 05/04/2019 23:37

That’s appalling. I really hope you find at least some of the things put back in the wrong place.

Probably a tad over-optimistic for the alcohol though 😟

I assume you will be changing your locks?

bridgetreilly · 05/04/2019 23:38

I think you just need to send an itemised bill to cover the cost of cleaning and replacement items to your SIL. That was the deal, right? Her fault for taking the mickey and for not looking after your house properly. Oh, and DH needs to send it, not you.

LovingLola · 05/04/2019 23:40

Why did you speak to your mother in law and sister in law ?
Why did your husband not do that ?

Chloemol · 05/04/2019 23:45

Report it to the police. Then I would change the locks, or remove all keys from mil and sil and don’t let anyone stay there now. If they complain you can just say that as sil let people use the home without your knowledge no one can use it now

WonderWorm · 05/04/2019 23:48

How come your husband didn't know anyone was staying. Did you not tell him?

BloodsportForAll · 05/04/2019 23:54

Get ALL your keys back.
Ring the police on 101.
And don't lend your home again.
I'm so sorry. This is awful.

soulrunner · 06/04/2019 00:25

Sorry but I wouldn't report. The police have got better things to do, they're not actually going to do anything about it, and if other people used the house you don't know for a fact that it was while SIL's family were there (I can see why you're conflating the unauthorised visit and the thefts but it's not necessarily the case). I agree with pps that I would change the locks or add a deadbolt that you can just use while you're away and just don't let people stay again. I can also totally understand why you're upset about it. I rent our house out and still get upset when stuff goes missing or gets broken even though I know it's to be expected.

Cheeserton · 06/04/2019 00:31

Absolutely do not take this crap. Where is DH in this with regards to addressing the matter with his immediate family? Why hasn't he, and you for that matter, 'exploded' back at them and their blatant piss taking? Do demand the stuff back one way or another. Whether or not they personally did it, they are absolutely responsible.

Mememeplease · 06/04/2019 00:31

I wouldn't call the police as there would be no point, but I'd certainly tell them that you are considering it, and then let them stew for a few days.

Get your keys bank.

Get dh to talk to them.

Original poster
Livelaughlovetoday · 06/04/2019 05:43

I will have to handle this as DH is non-confrontational.

I won’t involve the police in this matter but we’ve changed the locks.

MIL told me SIL took money from the 14 guests to pay towards their stay. When I discussed the situation with MIL and SIL, SIL said she had something to give me from everyone that stayed there. I was given a set of used mugs.
So it seems SIL pocketed the money?!

Today will be interesting! I thought the second hand mugs were telling to how they’ve made me feel.

OP posts:
AceOfSpades123 · 06/04/2019 05:52

Wow.
Are you sure you don’t want to call the police? You’ve essentially been burgled!
If it was me, I’d send a group message including everyone you know who stayed there.

“Hi everyone. I’m sending you all this message to let you know that we are contemplating involving the police regarding your stay in our property during our absence. I’d be grateful if you could forward this message to anyone you know who had access to our property that we didn’t authorise. On our return we have noticed that a significant number of our personal items have been removed from our house. This is theft and is hugely upsetting and distressing and illegal. We feel that our trust has been broken and we would appreciate the return of our items immediately or we will be informing the police. We’ve also been informed that some of you were charged money for your stay. That wasn’t discussed or agreed by us and we haven’t received that money. If you were charged money please contact the person concerned to get your money back. I wish we didn’t have to send this message and I wish that our good nature/kindness at letting you all use our property hadn’t been so severely abused”

Windygate · 06/04/2019 05:54

Both you and DH have been taken for fools by SIL and MIL. Sounds like SIL has been renting out your house like an Air B&B whilst you were away. There has been a complete breach of trust and they invalidated your home insurance.
You've changed the locks, never give MIL a set of keys again and consider some cctv home security. Shame DH is being so passive about this issue.

Bibijayne · 06/04/2019 05:57

Call the police OP. Don't let them mess you about. You'll also need a police crime report number to claim expensive missing items on insurance.

Bibijayne · 06/04/2019 05:58

Good message from @AceOfSpades123

blackcat86 · 06/04/2019 06:01

You need to go nuclear here OP. It's not that SIL has invited a few family over, she's sublet your home and pocketed the cash whilst you've been robbed. Call the police, contact anyone you know went and be very clear with MIL and SIL just how pissed off you are. Dont allow them to minimise it, dont back down. Do get DH involved. Surely he's pissed off to?

justilou1 · 06/04/2019 06:11

Wow! She took money and gave you shitty, used mugs. This is a literal impression of what she thinks of you, OP. Time to go batshit. What an absolute bitch of a sister in law! Sounds like it’s time to go through every cupboard with a fine tooth comb and write a list and demand reimbursement or police will be called.

TixieLix · 06/04/2019 06:23

Why are you so sure it was SILs group and not the other family member and their gathering that you referenced (in your update post)?