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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m a Mugg ! AIBU to think it was going to be different?

192 replies

Livelaughlovetoday · 05/04/2019 21:46

We allowed friends and family (a handful) to stay in our home for a few days at a time while we were away for a few months. I’ve returned to a number of things missing.

I want to avoid drip feeding but SIL agreed to let her family (14 people) stay in my home one weekend without my knowledge.

Since being home full details are emerging and I’m noticing more items missing in my home each day.

AIBU to have not considered that I was going to be taken for a fool?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 06/04/2019 06:28

Idk if you can claim on your insurance. However I would try. I would inform the police. At the very least they may be able to have a word with your She needs to know this is serious. It sounds as if you’ve had over 1k of your stuff stolen.

AJPTaylor · 06/04/2019 06:50

There is no point in going to the police because you are unlikely to be able to claim on your insurance as these were guests.
I would put together an itemized list. I would then get a locksmith to change all the locks. If mil and sil are upset I would simply refer to the list and say that, oddly enough, you don't want strangers making free with your possessions. If you wanted that you could put it on airbnb yourself and get xxx per night.
Fwiw we live in a pretty tourist area and let friends stay here whilst we are on holiday. I would be beyond raging if they extended that beyond themselves.

Original poster
Livelaughlovetoday · 06/04/2019 06:51

The truth is IDK who has taken our possessions. I find it hard to accept people I know would choose to do that to me.

My IL have a way of turning on me and saying I’m overreacting and being sensitive.

Busy sending a WhatsApp to some people who stayed over.

OP posts:
TildaTurnip · 06/04/2019 06:53

I would also let the other group know that things are missing.

bourbonbiscuittin · 06/04/2019 06:55

So they're bullying you into shutting up ? Do not stand for this, this is appalling

Weenurse · 06/04/2019 06:57

Good luck 💐

Llioed · 06/04/2019 07:00

So sorry you have had this happen to you by family members. I would also be very annoyed if this was me. I’m unsure if you should involve the Police but I would recommend you send a carefully worded email/message to the people who stayed at your house and insinuate further action will be taken if you aren’t reimbursed for the list of missing items. Try not to sound angry, but do let them know you are disappointed. Also you may want to mention that the SIL let them stay without your knowledge or permission.
Good luck!

Llioed · 06/04/2019 07:01

Oh, and good thinking on changing the locks - do not give spare set to MIL! Keep them for yourself and your DH.

TheEgregiousPeach · 06/04/2019 07:02

I think you probably should go to the police- these people weren’t guests. They were your SIL’s guests, indeed clients, as she illegally sublet your home and charged for it.
Giving you a bunch of second hand mugs is fucking insulting after allowing you to be robbed- she gives no fucks about your feelings so don’t be cowed by her and MIL. They obviously know SIL is in the wrong or wouldn’t be so aggressive and defensive about it.

daisychain01 · 06/04/2019 07:08

OP this is the definition of madness allowing a 'rent-a-crowd' random group of people you don't know to stay in your house when you aren't there at that time. Which has borne out by that long list of missing items.

I bet your insurance company would say it contravenes the Ts and Cs of your cover to have given permission to that many unknown people into your property. To an insurance company it increases security risks exponentially as those people aren't in any way invested in keeping your property secure.

Please say you'll never agree to this ever again!

YourEggnogIsBetterThanMine · 06/04/2019 07:09

They are treating you like a mug!!!

You went away.

SIL let 14 people stay in your home. She let them have free reign in your room. Sleep in your beds, use your bathroom, use your dishes, touch all of your personal belongings.

These people stole from you.

She charged them for this and KEPT THE MONEY.

She and MIL are telling you YABU and DH is being a fucking wet fish.

Stop fannying about with WhatsApp. Call the police. They won't do much but you can hopefully get a crime number for insurance? Keep all correspondance. Look into a solicitor for a civil case for small claims. Change locks. Cut off IL. Think very hard about DH. Don't be a mug.

Happynow001 · 06/04/2019 07:12

What is worse though is that a number of items have been removed from my home.
That is theft. If nobody will own up I'd report it to the police (let those involved know your planning on doing this) and get your crime reference number. See if you can claim on house/contents insurance - might there be a problem there though?

DH did not know that anyone was going to our home. He is furious. Sorry unsure what you mean. Did you not discuss this/agree this with him first?

I will have to handle this as DH is non-confrontational. How is he going to communicate with them in future after this?

I see you've changed your locks - don't let your In Laws have a copy - ensure your DH doesn't do so either.

Also check if your property was listed by your SIL/MIL on AirBnB or similar and if so have the listing taken down AFTER you have received written proof of the person who listed it.

Sadly your generosity has been grossly abused by people you trusted - you'll be more cautious next time. What a shame people didn't behave with the kindness you did.

daisychain01 · 06/04/2019 07:14

And the insurance company won't care that you didn't directly give permission. All they care about is that you are the policy holder and it's your fault. That's how insurance works. So by allowing it to happen, you're effectively paying for insurancevthat you can't claim against.

Not in any way trying to give you a hard time, but to highlight the reality of what's happened and hopefully it helps you to consider the repercussions that are more than just those items that were stolen.

daisychain01 · 06/04/2019 07:19

See if you can claim on house/contents insurance

No way!!

See my post above.

And highlighting how the theft came about will send the premium rocketing sky high. Hopefully the OP will be less naive and trusting next time.

TheSerenDipitY · 06/04/2019 07:27

i hope you havent told them you changed the locks.... think how fun it would be the next time they have some people over to stay and they cant get in
you can calmly tell them as they choose not to replace your missing possessions and made money off of your home that they can now jump... and that the police are on there way to arrest the trespassers...

Crankybitch · 06/04/2019 07:33

Send a what’s app saying if the items stolen are not replaced or paid for writhin 24 hours you will be reporting the theft to the police including your DSIL for illegally renting out your house without your permission

Mamia15 · 06/04/2019 07:42

Regarding DH - it's his family, why isn't he going nuclear and sorting this?? Pathetic coward.

Report to police.

Don't bother contacting insurance - it will open a can of worms admitting that people are paying to stay in your property.

Bouchie · 06/04/2019 07:43

It's not naive or trusting to expect family members to not nick from you. That is victim blaming. What it is is vile behaviour from nasty lowlife.

maddening · 06/04/2019 07:52

Well now when anyone asks it will be a no.

I would send a group email outlining everything missing, let them know it is a disgrace that you trusted all of them and have been treated so badly. Add also that you know one person charged a fee to stay at your house and gave you second hand mugs. Explain that whoever has taken the belongings and the fee charging activities is the reason that none of them will be allowed use of your home ever again.

eddielizzard · 06/04/2019 07:53

Wow. I'd go through the house and try and work out if anything else is gone. And then send everyone who stayed the list and say all of this has gone missing. If anyone knows anything please to contact you.

And I wouldn't trust MIL or SIL again. They would never set foot in my house again if I wasn't there.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 06/04/2019 08:03

They are treating you like a mug!!!

You went away.

SIL let 14 people stay in your home. She let them have free reign in your room. Sleep in your beds, use your bathroom, use your dishes, touch all of your personal belongings.

These people stole from you.

She charged them for this and KEPT THE MONEY.

She and MIL are telling you YABU and DH is being a fucking wet fish.

Stop fannying about with WhatsApp. Change locks. Cut off IL. Think very hard about DH. Don't be a mug.

This
You should be outraged
However please do not waste your time with insurance it will cost more - chalk it up to experience and consider it a very expensive lesson
Your DH also needs to open his mouth and have an opinion.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 06/04/2019 08:05

I wouldn't call the police or expect a better response from your MIL or SIL. I would let them know that the locks have been changed, that they will not be trusted to hold keys (ever), and I would return the used mugs to your SIL and tell her you have no idea why she gave them to you.

recrudescence · 06/04/2019 08:07

I don’t think the police will be interested. Agree with making a detailed, costed inventory of what’s missing - circulate this to as many of the ‘guests’ as you can and hope their consciences are pricked. Don’t bother with lots of emotional messages - just be factual and clear about what’s been stolen. After that, I’d leave it but decide that relations with the ILs had been irrevocably damaged. They would not be welcome in my home again for any reason.

Unfinishedkitchen · 06/04/2019 08:15

Fuck these people OP. Burn that bridge down to its foundations because they are taking you for a mug and robbed you.

You actually sound quite passive. I would not be pissing about on WhatsApp. I’d be in my car on my way to their doorstep. Even if you’re not calling the police, tell them you are. You should not be letting these people take these kind of liberties.

HJWT · 06/04/2019 08:21

You will never find out who took the stuff, I would just go no contact and have it done with..