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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m a Mugg ! AIBU to think it was going to be different?

192 replies

Livelaughlovetoday · 05/04/2019 21:46

We allowed friends and family (a handful) to stay in our home for a few days at a time while we were away for a few months. I’ve returned to a number of things missing.

I want to avoid drip feeding but SIL agreed to let her family (14 people) stay in my home one weekend without my knowledge.

Since being home full details are emerging and I’m noticing more items missing in my home each day.

AIBU to have not considered that I was going to be taken for a fool?

OP posts:
Original poster
Livelaughlovetoday · 06/04/2019 18:32

MIL arrived earlier at my home with some new items to replace some of the things that were missing. (Sport equipment, glasses, dishes, Tupperware). It seems that between MIL and SIL there is some issue now and possibly MIL has had her eyes opened to how we’ve been taken advantage of. She apologized and I believe her to be sincere.

I’m considering the idea above about the mugs... and the pictures to SIL.

OP posts:
M4J4 · 06/04/2019 18:41

Get your keys back from MIL!!!

Original poster
Livelaughlovetoday · 06/04/2019 18:52

MIL no longer has keys...

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 06/04/2019 18:55

Ah that’s interesting. Do you think she has realised that this is a crap way to treat you or is it that she doesnt want the gravy train to come to a halt?

mummmy2017 · 06/04/2019 19:02

Are you the person who ends up with your DH financially helping his family?.

YouTheCat · 06/04/2019 19:03

It sounds like this was more on the sil than the mil.

Never let them take the piss again.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 06/04/2019 19:33

Oh god OP I'd be on the war path if I were you! Message everyone you know who stayed, tell them you are not happy and make sure they know the money they paid to your sister has gone in her pocket! They need to know she is such a shitty person!

Cherrysoup · 06/04/2019 19:42

You need to let loose on sil. Sod diplomacy and maintaining family relationships. She’s the one who’s ruined it, not you. Your trust and home have been violated. Go nuts, OP.

Hoppinggreen · 06/04/2019 19:56

I think that they are just trying to keep you sweet so that the Airbnb stays open!
Without a full apology from Sil and some £ they aren’t sorry at all

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 06/04/2019 20:28

We believe we are in this position to be able to help others. Except we’ve enabled them to take take take and not even consider us.

She has realised who butters her bread, and is backtracking as she doesn’t want the gravy train to grind to a halt.

Proceed with caution and do not let any of these chancers back in your house

bettytaghetti · 06/04/2019 20:43

I would keep hold of the mugs for now; at least that would be SIL's xmas present sorted come December! Grin

CrazyAllAroundMe · 06/04/2019 20:44

What a distressing situation, I'm so sorry OP that you had to come home to that. Duvets and bedding missing and possibly even some clothing were likely all from messed beds (maybe check your mattresses). Alcohol can do that to uncontrolled men and women 🙄 and your house has been a party house, glasses etc being the wear and tear of that. Whole sets of cutlery and anything else just nods at the low level of the guests really. 'ah they're rich they won't notice' or 'we'll get our monies worth' Sad
SIL is scummiest of the lot. I think MILs peace offering had nothing to do with SIL so please think seriously of going NC with that one as a minimum. You're obviously classier than them all with their guilty verbally abusive reaction.
Flowers you've changed the locks, I'd give them zero future financial assistance as there are far worthier avenues to donate your time & benefits of being financially secure if you do take pleasure from doing that.
All the best x

bettytaghetti · 06/04/2019 20:45

Oh the irony! The sidebar ad I've just had was for Trusted Housesitters!

CoraPirbright · 06/04/2019 23:11

Have you decided what to message the ‘guests’ with OP? Or are you hanging fire given that MIL is trying to make amends? (For which, read ‘keep you sweet and the gravy train going’)

justilou1 · 07/04/2019 00:36

I think it’s actually worth looking on AirBnb to see if your house is advertised every time you go away.

Blondebakingmumma · 07/04/2019 06:14

Did you get your keys back from SIL?

Original poster
Livelaughlovetoday · 07/04/2019 09:23

MIL was the only one who had keys. She gave them to SIL on the occasions SIL had access to our property. I don’t think MIL realized SIL would abuse the situation like she did.

I’ve checked air bnb and our property is not listed on there.

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 07/04/2019 09:46

So are you going to take them all to task? They have seriously abused your kindness!

IggyAce · 07/04/2019 10:08

Glad you have changed the locks because I wouldn’t put it past SIL to have taken a copy of the key. She would probably rent it out next time you were away.
I hope you have sent a message listing the missing items to those that stayed.

justilou1 · 07/04/2019 13:56

There are other companies like airbnb as well. Wouldn't put it past her to have advertised it as a last minute party house if you live in a lovely, scenic part of the world. What an absolute troll of a relative. Hubby does need to man up to his family this time, too. This is his house as well. Did they pee in the corners?

Tistheseason17 · 07/04/2019 17:38

I'm so sorry for you, OP. Total disrespect of your trust in them
Hope it gets sorted. Bet MIL took SIL's money to replace items. Their loss as you'll never trust again.

nuxe1984 · 07/04/2019 17:57

Don't bother reporting to the police. This isn't a break-in, etc. You gave your keys to your family. At a push you could claim it's theft but I don't think the police would do anything other than give you a claim number for insurance purposes - they have too many real break-ins to deal with!

Don't claim on your insurance. It won't be valid. Again, you gave the keys to a family member to use the property whilst you were away. Unless you're claiming for things damaged they are unlikely to pay out for things going missing and may even state that the property was sub-let (as your SIL took money from her friends/family) thus invalidating your insurance and possibly pushing your premium up next time.

Do not EVER give the keys out again. If you have to go away for an extended time again sort something out with an estate agent or a company that looks after empty properties.

Sounds like your MIL is feeling guilty about the way your SIL behaved. It's likely she had no idea your SIL allowed these people to stay in your house. I would contact the SIL and ask for the money she was paid. After all, they've used your gas, electricity and water during that time which will need to be paid for. Plus there's the question of wear and tear on the property. You could point out that if you'd wanted to let it out you would have done so via an agent and thus received the fees.
Not sure if the SIL is your DH's sister or if she's his brother's wide. Either way she was completely out of order and I wouldn't hesitate in telling her this. So what if she doesn't like being told the truth … tough!

Dippypippy1980 · 07/04/2019 18:04

Do you know exactly who your sil invited into your home? Did she just go to a pub and invite everyone back for a party?

Does she have a drug problem - do her friends? What age is she? Why would people want to stay in your home - do they live locally?

I can’t imagien what sort of people would stay over in their friends home and then steal a full set of cutlery - these people are criminals.

JaneEyre07 · 07/04/2019 18:04

I can see your frustration OP but I wouldn't report it to the Police. I would simply send a group WhatsApp to those you think have stayed to say how upsetting it is to have returned home, realised that X (and list the items) is missing and you've been taken advantage of by people you trusted.

And I would make sure is that they never take advantage of you again, and any generosity stops today.

Family letting you down is the worst imaginable stab in the back - I've been there and can sympathise Flowers

billybagpuss · 07/04/2019 18:05

Wow, unbelievable 'here we'll nick all of your stuff but have a gift of used mugs'