I’m a Mugg ! AIBU to think it was going to be different?

[Livelaughlovetoday]

We allowed friends and family (a handful) to stay in our home for a few days at a time while we were away for a few months. I’ve returned to a number of things missing.

I want to avoid drip feeding but SIL agreed to let her family (14 people) stay in my home one weekend without my knowledge.

Since being home full details are emerging and I’m noticing more items missing in my home each day.

AIBU to have not considered that I was going to be taken for a fool?

Sounds MIL is out of the running. She’s not likely to steal from you anyway.

I would send a round robin to SIL and all who stayed. And say - you would appreciate people’s help locating the following items that went missing from your home during their stay. If they can’t be found you will have no option to turn the matter over to the police.

Can I ask why you would even let your own family and friends stay in your home while you were away for a few months, why would they need or want to stay at your house? Is it in a tourist spot/busy shopping venue/upmarket weekend hideaway?

Perhaps those staying thought it was rented out as a business venture and your SIL has been lining her pockets. I doubt very much that the people who stole your belongings knew they were staying in someone's actual home - or did they?

I'd threaten your SIL with the police, and your husband needs to man up.

I read an amusing epigram recently to the effect that ‘ no good deed goes unpunished.’

The OP is clearly a generous and trusting person and is the victim of some very nasty relatives. However, she has now received a bitter lesson in being careful about those she trusts.

I agree that the police will not intervene if the keys to the house were voluntarily handed over and that there is danger for the OP in involving insurance claims. This will have to be put down as a very expensive lesson.p about human nature.

Going forward, change the locks and withdraw contact with the offending relatives. It might be possible to stay polite with the MIL but the SIL must be dropped entirely.

There are still good, decent people in the world but the OP will have to do a bit more due diligence before she can trust others.

As usual, Shakespeare hit the nail when he had Polonius say,
‘Neither a lender nor borrower be,
For a loan oft’ loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.’

Change the locks.
( this is the new cancel the cheque ).

On the back of noticing more items missing I confronted SIL again. I’ve given her the full list of items missing. She has until Wednesday to replace them or give me the £’s for them. Failing which I report to the police.

She outright denied accepting any money from the group. I told her MIL had told me. She then said the £ was for something else.

I gave her the mugs back and told her under no circumstances is she welcome in my home again for the foreseeable future. I feel totally violated and feel like a fool. There was no explosion on SIL’s side this time. She allowed me to have my say. She kept herself under control which surprised me, she has a knack for exploding.

DH has a lot of other things he sees to. If he had his way we would have little to do with anyone. So I take it upon myself to maintain family and relationships on our behalf. IL’s will be low to no priority in my life now.

Well done OP
She knows she’s wrong but up until now has relied on your good nature to get away with her crap. Now she has seen you won’t she will either behave, avoid you or try her brother instead
And don’t worry too much about maintaining a relationship with the grabby cow if your DH isn’t too bothered either

These are some good updates OP. One thing that remains to be done is to somehow contact SIL’s guests who stayed over directly, to find out if they paid for their stay or not.

Well done OP. I would just leave contacting the in-laws to your husband, they are his family after all. So don’t feel guilty or let them guilt trip you if he doesn’t contact them.

Well done OP

Good for you OP.

As you say, "my IL have a way of turning on me and saying I’m overreacting and being sensitive. "

That is so telling. You are a kind considerate person who thinks about other people's feelings. They are nasty and try to make themselves feel good by calling you "overreacting and being sensitive." Well, I'd rather be sensitive and kind than unpleasant and uncaring. Absolutely classic putdown when they are called out on their horrible behaviour. Put their victim in the wrong if they can.

Well you aren't wrong or in the wrong. Unfortunately with people like that, as others have said, you have to be extremely firm and fight your corner or they try and walk all over you.

It is really brave to stand up to them, especially if they are members of your dh's family. Congratulations and I bet it feels good.

Good grief more items have gone missing! What more has disappeared?

She outright denied accepting any money from the group. I told her MIL had told me. She then said the £ was for something else.

I dont believe her!!

Well done OP. That must have taken some balls to do but I bet you feel better now! Let us know if she manages to magically locate your missing items....

Well done on confronting SIL again, OP; the tendency to "explode" is predictable since it's probably worked quite well up to now in discouraging unwelcome comments

I'm not sure why you're still so set on contacting the police though. I guess it might be useful to get their advice in case financial info's also been stolen, but surely you realise they'll focus on the fact that you handed over the keys?

More to the point, your SIL will almost certainly realise it too ...

Well done OP. SIL is more worried about saving face in front of her friends as she’s usin your house to portray a lifestyle she can’t afford

I'd be asking for a list of all guests and their contact details as the police have asked for them. Then I'd just wait and see what happens.

If DH had his way we would have little to do with anyone. So I take it upon myself to maintain family and relationships on our behalf

Looking on the bright side, at least that (hopefully) means there won't be trouble heading your way if you see much less of them ...

Well done. Horrible horrible situation.

Well done op. As with most bullies when you finally tell the your red lines they back down. She didn’t explode because this time she realised you weren’t going to be quashed.

I reckon the mil hadn't realised how much of a CF the sil had been and now that she does sil knows mil won't back her up, hence the lack of drama.

Op change the locks anyway. Copies (MIL or SIL or whoever) could have made copies.

Plus remember, strangers were in your home. They know what you have and where. I would want to feel secure in my home after this invasion.

Ah, I see.

For the benefit of lurkers, if you have a partner who is low contact with their parents and siblings, don't overrule them. They limit contact for a reason.

You might think your partner is crap at handling the family, while you with your superior people management skills will bring the family together. Nope. Let the person who knows them best choose the path.

DH has a lot of other things he sees to. If he had his way we would have little to do with anyone. So I take it upon myself to maintain family and relationships on our behalf. IL’s will be low to no priority in my life now.

Live I guess your DH knows you'll get nothing good out of this confrontation, which is why he is staying out of it. I would too. Good luck with money and police. I recommend that you leave ALL family communications with ILs to him after this. If that means no communications, that's his decision to make.

FGS for all those who are unable to read to lazy to read even the OP post

SHE CHANGED THE BLOODY LOCKS ALREADY.

Thank you Clutterbugsmum

I wanted to say it but you beat me to it

Poor you OP, well done for being so dignified in such a horrible, upsetting situation.