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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dsd and wedding.

191 replies

Friendabc · 05/04/2019 19:35

Hello
Maybe I am bu I don't know.
I'm getting married soon, a very small intimate destination wedding.
My 2 dds are bridesmaids. Dsd was asked but declined, all fine.
I have bought the bridesmaids dresses.

Now here's the issue.
Dsd asked her dad about colours and what preference I had so that she could sort out a dress.
I told him (or thought I did) any colour but x.
Let's say my bridesmaids are pink, so I said any colour but pink, baring in mind she had the choice to be a bridesmaid and wear a pink dress.

Dsd is an adult my dds are very similar age but younger.

Now dad has sent dp and image of the dress she wants to wear.
Guess what?
It's the exact same colour and virtually the same style.
It's a different material but same length, neckline and colour!!

My reaction to dp was, no I told you not that colour and it's the same style so no.
She will look too ott.
It's a simple wedding on a beach, not a big lavish ceremony.
Dp says I told him to tell her to choose that colour!
Why would I do that?
I told him to tell her no, any colour but that.
I also reminded him that he had seen the dresses.
He swears he hasnt!
He's messaged her and apparently she wants that dress.
My response was no.
So what does he do, tells her to do what average likes and buy the dress.

Am I over reacting?
Is this ok?
We are paying for her to come and dp had assumed she would help out with a small detail at the ceremony which would save us money. Baring in mind that her entire holiday is being paid for by us.
That's another issue.

The bizzare thing is she hardly ever wears anything like this at all.
My dds are much more girly.
I'm not having a dig at her but I am very annoyed that she won't do us the one small favour on the day and this has missed me off.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Friendabc · 05/04/2019 19:37

Sorry for typos.

OP posts:
Bankofenglandfiver · 05/04/2019 19:37

Not her fault if your h2b told her to get that colour.

Just make her a bridesmaid.

Lweji · 05/04/2019 19:38

You're overreacting.

FGS, it's a small ceremony. Why wouldn't she be able to wear what she wants?

Merryoldgoat · 05/04/2019 19:39

I honestly couldn’t give two hoots what people wore to my wedding so I think YABU for caring this much.

I also can’t quite work out how much is being lost in translation with your fiancé. Sounds like he isn’t really helping or relaying things properly.

HeckyPeck · 05/04/2019 19:39

I wonder if she’s having second thoughts and wants to be a bridesmaid now?

CherryPavlova · 05/04/2019 19:40

Does it really matter? The day after the wedding nobody will remember.

Dreamingofkfc · 05/04/2019 19:40

She declined being a bridesmaid but now has chosen a dress the same colour? Just let her know it's the same colour and ppl will think she's a bridesmaid. I don't think you can really say no to what she wants to wear

Friendabc · 05/04/2019 19:41

But baring in mind she is an adult and has refused to be a bridesmaid, why, when she is told sorry there has been a mix up and Friend has asked that you choose a different colour/dress why would an adult not accept that.
Regardless of what her dad initially said.
She has not bought the dress so I'm struggling to find it reasonable of her to insist she does.

OP posts:
RaffertyFair · 05/04/2019 19:41

Woah! Your DP gave her the wrong message.
If its a small wedding how can it be such a problem for dsd to wear a similar dress?
Your reaction is OTT.

FuzzyLilac · 05/04/2019 19:41

Yes you are over reacting.

What ever reasons she has for wearing that dress in that colour do not really matter.
If she is doing it to get a reaction from you why give her one?

Everyone will know who the bridesmaids are as she wont be at the alter/carrying flowers.
You are marrying her dad what she wears really does not matter.

As for paying for her to go I assume you are paying for your DDs also?

lyralalala · 05/04/2019 19:41

Sounds like she wants to be a BM, but doesn't want to lose face by saying so.

No-one is going to bat an eyelid at your DSD being in a similar style to your DDs.

Merryoldgoat · 05/04/2019 19:41

Plus you resent paying for her to get to her own father’s wedding that you decided to have abroad - what a peach.

lifebegins50 · 05/04/2019 19:41

Yes, think you are overreacting. Maybe if she is older she didn't want to be a bridesmaid but this way she is included.

I think it will look good in photos and really how much of an issue is it..let it go and don't cause an issue.

Bankofenglandfiver · 05/04/2019 19:41

I honestly wouldn’t even take that under my notice. It’s a small wedding. Who cares?

lyralalala · 05/04/2019 19:42

What age is she?

Bankofenglandfiver · 05/04/2019 19:42

Ok so you want to do the equivalent with you and your DDs of marking territory and letting her know her place.

That’s shitty.

LagunaBubbles · 05/04/2019 19:42

Why does it matter so much that she's not in pink?

Friendabc · 05/04/2019 19:43

Maybe I'm over reacting.
Maybe I'm still annoyed that she's refusing to he!p out when her entire holiday has been paid for.
Maybe this is clouding my judgement.

OP posts:
Bankofenglandfiver · 05/04/2019 19:43

What’s the “small detail” you wanted her to help you out with?

mum11970 · 05/04/2019 19:43

So she can wear a pink dress pretty similar to the one she has if you call her a bridesmaid but it’s too OTT if she doesn’t walk behind you. Get over yourself, it’s not as if she’s just a random, unimportant guest. Have you asked for a look at the dresses everyone else are wearing so you can give them a yes or no too?

hipslikecinderella · 05/04/2019 19:43

I think probably because she is an adult that's why she doesn't want to be told what dress to wear.
I think it's quite sweet that she wanted to tie in tbh.

lyralalala · 05/04/2019 19:43

Baring in mind that her entire holiday is being paid for by us.
That's another issue.

Why is paying for your DSD to attend an issue? Are your DDs paying for themselves?

RaffertyFair · 05/04/2019 19:44

Perhaps she has spent a great deal of time and effort to find what she was told you wanted? Hmm
You say the wedding is foon bug you want her to start from scratch.

unfortunateevents · 05/04/2019 19:44

Why does this matter? You asked her to be a bridesmaid, now people will think she is one. Why shouldn't her father pay for her to be there? You are having a destination wedding, maybe she can't afford to come but I'm sure her dad would like her to attend? Also why can she not help out with the "small detail" just because she is now wearing a pink dress? And why was it up to your DH to communicate about dress colours etc, could you not just have texted her directly? Then you could be very clear about what you had told her, instead of now thinking that you told your husband who has either forgotten or misheard.

ArfArfBarf · 05/04/2019 19:44

Why does it matter if she’s wearing the same colour as the bridesmaids?

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