The Mumsnet ideal

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You have to: Have big house in the country
Work, both of you, all the hours you can to afford this.
Drive everywhere
Get a cleaner

If you have e.g. a flat, in the town, that is not a 'proper home'
If you don't work all the hours you can, you are lazy
Ditto for driving.

If you have no posting history and don’t declare a namechange (proven by stating ‘penisbeaker etc’) you must pass MN hazing of trollhunting and a derailed thread, before you can have your question answered.

If you have a posting history, expect an extensive background check and any minor details you have previously posted will be questioned on each new thread you make.

Everything is misogynistic. If you disagree, you’re a misogynist.

boringlyboring
how do you ever check any messages by the same poster here when nothing even happens when you click on their name? I thought it;s done that way so people can't check.

Laska, I think you are correct.

Takeaways: you may order from your local Italian family run restaurant who follows authentic traditional Italian recipes and every element of the pizza is made from scratch to order. They literally pick the tomatoes as they take your order down the phone.

Cafes/coffee shops: must be "independent" or "local", ideally both. You sneer at Starbucks (those drinks have more than double your weekly sugar allowance you know,) and also taste like a turd stirred into hot water, to your discerning palate.

If you live in a council house or flat you mustn't ever dare complain about the state of it, even if it is a mouldy hell hole and your three children are all sleeping in a windowless box room. You should be grateful to the council you over breeding scrounger and should ideally go rent something in the private market as we all know that private rentals are a haven of well maintained reasonably priced family homes.

Your pantry should be full with a year's supply of dried lentils and pasta in case of a no deal brexit.
You must not breathe a word of this to anyone.

BloodyDisgrace You do an advanced search on their username. Not sure about desktop but on mobile site there’s a search button along the bottom.

All men are abusive

If you glance at your DPS phone you are a control freak and you should never snoop.

If your DP has a female friend who he happens to share a hobby with, go for drinks, go for dinner, messages secretly at all times of the day, and you are a bit uncomfortable with it you are a control freak and need to stop being so paranoid.

Teacher are all saints for putting up with our feral children 6 hours a day, they never ever ever do anything wrong, ever! You should support them 100% no matter what.

If you live in council housing you should be greatful that you have free housing, even if you pay rent and it's a shit tip covered in mould with a crack den next door.

Everyone's child can read and write independently before they even start school.

Every meal should have a HUGE salad or LOADS of veg, any kind of fast food is verging on child abuse.

Red lipstick and sun glasses apparently fix everything and automatically make every woman look better .

No one is ever just a bit of a dick, they either have SN or dementia, this is determined by age.

Never ever carry a drink anywhere with you, you must only sit in a cafe, especially if it's coffee, there is never any need for coffee on the go, coffee in a take away cup should be a hangable offence!

If you don't shop in Boden, joules, etc then you must only ever buy clothes from charity shops.

there is never any need for coffee on the go, coffee in a take away cup should be a hangable offence!

I always ask for coffee in a take away cup even when I'm staying in. Hate those stupid massive cups with teeny handles that spill and the large surface area means it's cold in about 5 seconds flat. Plus i want my monies worth rather than losing half of it onto the saucer and tray climbing up the stairs.

I'll provide the rope dont worry

Of the Feminism boards: I don't have to be nice to other women just because I'm a woman. So I'm not.

If your daughter wears pink princess dresses, you've failed spectacularly as a parent.

If your son wears pink princess dresses, accompanied by a tiara, you're a wonderful parent.

Bonus points if he wears it to the supermarket or on the school run

If you haven't washed your bra freshly that morning, people can smell it and it makes them vomit. Ditto if you haven't washed your hair.

Have an Au Pair, or a nanny and post asking if you are being unreasonable for either asking them for the world on a stick for peanuts, or if paying them double living wage and providing a car is too stingy..

Teacher are all saints for putting up with our feral children 6 hours a day, they never ever ever do anything wrong, ever! You should support them 100% no matter what.

And AT THE SAME TIME, all children are innocent (OK, at the very most maybe a teensy bit high-spirited or invested in Truth and Justice For All) and teachers are liars and bullies. Back your children; they wouldn't lie to you!

When you're not writing extensive reports on your complete hatred for M&S ("I'm a middle class woman with an ENORMOUS disposable income, so stock my EXACT BESPOKE REQUIREMENTS M&S you cunts"), you should be posting about how angry and stressed you are that you can't find a dinosaur t shirt suitable for your daughter as shops only sell "pink glittery shit" for girls. You've never seen any girls clothing that is not both pink and glittery. Being able to buy 'boys' clothing for her instead, despite being a perfectly suitable solution, is "not the fucking point"

boringlyboring - thank you. I'll doubt I'll ever do it. Funny that some people have to, before considering if to reply...

If you EVER admit to giving your DC a McD's breakfast then MN automatically report you to SS and log it with 101 too

Oh yes, the gendered clothes non-issue. And the obsession with Poodle n Pirate or whatever it's like called (some Scandi clothes shop). Poster always shops at P&P but is aware that not all can afford to, so is fighting the battle against the tide of glittery pink shit for those who can only shop in supermarkets.
And the posters who pretend to be surprised that their pinafore-wearing son attracts attention at the school gate. Sooooo sad that other children are being forced into gender stereotyping.

You've had an eating disorder in the past...possibly anorexia...and post about fat people - but of course you aren't fat shaming...at all you are just highlighting an issue. (and no way making yourself feel superior)

Love this thread.

Why work all the hours for a house you rarely live in and stuff instead of enjoying life.

Learnt a long time ago that keeping up with the Joneses was a mugs' game. Now in my 50's most friends envy my lifestyle as they are worn out.

The biggest stressors in your life are wholly centred around bins/parking/boundary fences/Ocado delivery slots.

This!! Bin posts baffle the life out of me 😂

*I always ask for coffee in a take away cup even when I'm staying in. Hate those stupid massive cups with teeny handles that spill and the large surface area means it's cold in about 5 seconds flat. Plus i want my monies worth rather than losing half of it onto the saucer and tray climbing up the stairs.

I'll provide the rope dont worry grin*

Better bring some for me, I'm guilty of doing the same

You have to suggest the name Juliet on every baby names thread, even if the baby is going to be a boy.

And Thea