The Mumsnet ideal

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You have to: Have big house in the country
Work, both of you, all the hours you can to afford this.
Drive everywhere
Get a cleaner

If you have e.g. a flat, in the town, that is not a 'proper home'
If you don't work all the hours you can, you are lazy
Ditto for driving.

Should anybody ever disagree with you on MN you'd never hammer out a reply that scorches the keyboard with inflammatory language, yelling, "That'll learn ya, ya bitch/bastard!". Instead you weep with laughter over their idiocy until dehydration sets in. Or give a head-tilty* and tinkly laugh combined with pity at their sheer wrong headedness.

*Is all the head-tilting why so many posters need to give their heads a wobble? Sort of DIY physiotherapy?

Must have a stressful, “high powered” job. God forbid you have an admin/retail type job!

Nobody is ever just a shit parent. It's the Torries fault.

Never the parents. Ever.

You despise cyclists with a passion (especially those of the male and/or Lycra persuasion) and regard with profound suspicion anyone who chooses not to have a car (believing they will force their way into your car demanding lifts)

I live in a flat in a small town ,can't drive and i work school hours.

I am doomed !!

Animals are family members which under no circumstances should be rehomed or PTS. Any sustained and savage dog attack is the fault of the owner and can be sorted by a behaviouralist. You should rehire your small children ahead of doing so with a dog

rehome your small children

Every part of parenting was a cinch for the Mumsnet Ideal. Your dc did it all early. You're embarrassed about how incredible/beautiful they are. You live in feigned fear of a school gate mum asking-what stage of the ORT your precocious prodigious progeny is on.

You just need some time OP- I have been part of a thread since August 2018- how to adjust to life as a lone parent, it's been such a good support for me, there are a couple of ladies on the thread that were all lone parents at the same time, so we started the journey together, it's nice to look back and see how far we have come in 9 months, I wouldn't of thought how good my life could be back then, but it's so much better now and I am genuinely happy :) have a read of it OP and I hope it helps you too

Sorry wrong thread, ops

You and your DP must never both have an alcoholic drink together at any time in case one of your DC needs to driven to hospital in an emergency situation. If any of your relatives even sniffs a Baileys, they should never be allowed to look after your DC ever again.

When you have a birthday party for you dc the party bags are eco friendly. The bags are made from fair trade coconut hair woven in Indonesia by a co-op formed by women rescued from human trafficking. Each bag contains a bamboo toothbrush, a book of vegan recipes and a slice of birthday 'cake' made from potato wrapped in last week's issue of 'The Socialist Worker.'

You go from 0 to 60 when talking about builders shits. You don't even poo so know that they are deliberately getting their body to make poo just to curl a colossal turd out in your perfect pan and in doing so marking their territory and dominance over you.

👍😀✔️

You must wear Birkenstock’s sandals, go on holiday to Cornwall, throw together huge salads for “supper” and be totally prejudiced against going anywhere in the Middle East, even if you’ve never been there. Oh, and use daft words like “goady” and “judgey”

But you can accidentally fart in public like a trombone

You drink twice a year, and never get drunk. You would leave your husband if he ever got pissed.

If you rent your home then you should expect to be evicted at any moment because you're so irresponsible. Why don't you just buy a house you silly goose?

London dwellers are wasting their money and should move to the midlands to a nice semi on a cul de sac so their children can play in the street like it's the 1950's. Anything else will damage them forever.

If you're over a size twelve you're HUGE and the only way to loose weight is to stop eating all carbs forever.

You have to do absolutely everything for your kids until they're 18 at which point they deserve nothing.

As a step parent you have to give up all your wants and needs, but you don't have to pay a penny for your step kids.

Smoking should be punishable by having your hands cut off.

It's normal not to allow your kids playdates or sleepovers.

Center Parcs are a classy and enjoyable holiday.

If you live rurally you will be lonely, isolated, and perpetually out of milk.

You could not possibly become accustomed to having a large freezer, remembering to buy milk, and not 'popping out for coffee'.

Your children will be intensely bored and phone childline.

(My husband grew up in a satellite town of a major city with easy and cheap transport, I grew up about sixty miles from the nearest big city, and five miles from the nearest shop - he reports being exactly as bored as I was with everything right on his doorstep! Aren't teenagers supposed to whinge that they're bored?)