The Mumsnet ideal

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You have to: Have big house in the country
Work, both of you, all the hours you can to afford this.
Drive everywhere
Get a cleaner

If you have e.g. a flat, in the town, that is not a 'proper home'
If you don't work all the hours you can, you are lazy
Ditto for driving.

You never have a MIL problem. You have a DH problem.

Also MIL isn't being cruel and nasty. She's got dementia.

You should never get angry, ever. Human beings were not built to get angry about anything.

And being even remotely sad or unsure about something must mean depression, you need to see the doctor because in life everyone is always happy and at peace with themselves.

Should you be worried about anything other than a complete catastrophe you are smug or ungrateful

Oh and if you've name changed you have to list all the posts you remember.
Penis beaker
Gutted up pear
Korean lady
Naice ham

*cutted

You must never question a bride & grooms guest list - even if you are close family that has been excluded, or if you are express breast feeding and baby is not allowed at wedding. It is their wedding and their choice no matter how monumentally rude and hurtful they have been, you simply have the choice to accept or decline invitation and never question the motives.

Any remotely kinky or non-monogamous sex is "grim". No normal woman in history has ever been turned on by anal or porn. Of course neither you nor any of your school-gate mum chums would never indulge in the above so anyone who does is an evil slutbag or abused and to be pitied.

You have failed as a human being of you don't drive, even though you live and work in a city centre and don't accept the lifts 'friends' try to force on you

Cricketmum84 You forgot the Mexican house thief!

Your children absolutely MUST have their own bedroom and if they don’t they are going to have a miserable childhood.

You have to hate your MIL and go 'No contact' with your DM.

To think the use of C* word is a sign of great wit and right-on wisdom.

To be "fuming", even "* fuming" - over the tiniest thing e.g. the teacher forgot to give your child his pen back or something equally mundane.

I think there are a lot of angry women on MN

But, luckily, occasionally, some funny or intelligent ones too .

You're either a prude and call social services when your neighbours kids were drinking a can of Coke or you're uber chill about everything and are cool about your husband's sex drive even though he's had 3 affairs with three different friends, your friends.

Under no circumstances will you have a face to face conversation - or even a phone conversation - with a friend or loved one who has behaved in an uncharacteristically hurtful way.

Instead you will stew, discuss with everyone other than the purpose concerned and, inflamed by ferocious keyboard warriors, sent formal scary texts that male a lawyer's scary letter seem positively fluffy.

You will then wonder why this escalates, and then go NC with the CF

Woman doesn't want to ever get married:- strong, independent, smart, feminist

Man doesn't want to get married:- controlling, chauvinistic, selfish, cunt.

Hilarious!! Yes this thread captures something of Mumsnet. In many ways it is a middle class haven where all is right with the world. I want to be a Mumsnetter but deep down know I'm just an imposter.

If you suggest it is a bad idea to cycle on a major road with your 3 year old on a trike or in one of those pull-along tent things, you are victim-blaming

You simultaneously rent your (single life) house out to mitigate the fact you aren’t married and do most of the childcare and your boyfriend could leave you destitute at any point and yet also decry accidental landlords who have single handedly caused house price inflation.

You respond to many questions and requests with the following sentence:

"No."

Then refuse to elaborate.

Barely anyone is NT.

The reason you're not losing weight is because you ate some grapes on Tuesday and you may as well be munching on toffees they contain that much sugar.

You don't have a MIL/ DM/ friend/ boss/ financial problem... you have a DH problem.

You need to correct the idiots who use the word "vagina" when they are in fact referring to the "vulva".

If you don't like your ex's dp, sil or any other female relative you post on Mumsnet. You're not posting for answers. You're not interested in smoothing things over. You post for validation for your dislike and a green light to blame them for everything that's wrong in the world. This is easier then sorting out the stuff you can.

If you want to know if you're pregnant you should ask mumsnetters here but under no circumstances go out and actually take a test.