To be mortified at how my mum behaved

[tbear2O19]

Mum takes me shopping once a month as currently I can't drive.
So not to drip feed, yes I do use online deliveries and sometimes swing by the supermarket myself but with 3 young ones it can be handy and luxurious to go alone!

Anyway we went to the self service check out that has the big conveyer belt thing. One item needed assistance, then she started packing. Putting her bags down on the weight bit (where you put your shopping after it's scanned, these bags hadn't been scanned)

So by the time the assistant has cleared the item, we need further help as the bags have made it require help iyswim. I said to my mum "you're going to need to unpack all that as it doesn't recognise the bags" she simply said "oh well fucking forget it. What the fuck what a fucking waste of time"
And.... left

I have no money to pay for her items, I did offer to put the items back but the assistant said no it's ok. I am mortified, I'm still red!! And to make it worse she just drove home, didn't even wait for me.
So had to walk home with 6 bags of shopping.

I'm just mortified!

[lotusbell]

My mum never swore when.i was younger but mellowed as she got older. When she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, she seemed to throw all caution to the wind and swore like a trooper. I remember her regaling me with tales of Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares and she definitely relished repeating the f word! She'd never do it in public though!

[teraculum29]

Dont txt her anymore, as much is tempting.
To be honest it might be that she can twist things and blame you for her poor behaviour.

[GabsAlot]

nah dont apologise u didnt do anything-what standing there with her shopping whilst she walked off is somehow your fault?

[lilabet2]

I would probably be concerned that she'd either had upsetting news or was starting to develop some dementia symptoms (sometimes behavioural symptoms like irritability and irrational anger come first).

[FloofenHoofen]

Stop being a wet blanket now and stop texting her. Stop chasing her for some kind of response.

You're both rotten to each other from what I can see, both lacking sympathy or empathy for each other, you both need a break. Use this time to take one and stop responding.

[reallybadinterview]

Op I'm 100% sure you know your mum better than us. She sounds pretty shit. I would back off from her and stop apologising. Lower your expectations of her and live your life.

[Yabbers]

Also confused as to why she would need to unpack anything. Of course you bag the groceries as you scan them through, that’s the point of self service.

[BrylcreamBeret]

Fucking hell, Mumsnet is awash with qualified psychologists tonight. The op has clearly stated that her mother has told her she lied to her gp about being stressed to get time off. Sometimes people tell the truth. Not everyone on planet earth has a mental health condition! I'm sorry your ma was a dick op. I wish you strength to deal with whatever her problem is (Note: I'm not suggesting a mental illness. I'm suggesting she's just a normal person who acted like a dick).

[Drum2018]

It sounds like she has very little tolerance for you and the kids. I certainly wouldn't be pandering to her or meeting up anytime soon as you deserve a lot more than the crumbs she throws you, as do your kids.

[dimdarkashian]

I honestly can't stop laughing when I read the OP. My mum is around the same age and I just cannot picture her doing that. If she did I'd definitely think she needed to see a dr!

[OohYeBelter47]

Regardless of whether she was stressed she shouldn't have left you, I hope she apologises. Although going by how mean she sounds that is doubtful... she treats you appallingly.
for you OP

[Nairobe]

Yabbers that only works if you have the bags on the 'out' basket first. It sounds like OPs mum put everything there, minus bags, then started picking it up and confusing the machine before payment.

[Nairobe]

That's how the ones round here work anyway. So sensitive they get confused. Annoying but not strop worthy

[nuxe1984]

If this is completely out of order for your mum then she's probably feeling bad about her behaviour herself. And I would also be worried about her. Anger, like that, is a sign of stress, anxiety and depression.
I would be inclined to go and see her, and ask if she's okay, and if there's anything you can do to help her.

[Purplecatshopaholic]

She sounds a total delight! And then she left you to walk home with the shopping?!! Not sure I would be speaking to her again for a while... If ever!

[IHateUncleJamie]

Gosh @tbear2019, given your updates, your Mum sounds like a horror. 😳 Forced to apologise for asking her to have your dcs while you had surgery? WTF?

I’d have been mortified too but I’d be livid at being left to clear up her mess and walk home with 6 bags of shopping. It sounds as if she’s sulking now so don’t keep texting her because it sounds as if she wants the attention. Ignore her instead and give her a taste of her own medicine.

[Acis]

I wouldn't bother to try to make contact with her again, you've done more than enough and the ball is in her court. It doesn't sound like she adds much to your life anyway.

[DeniseRoyal]

OP, I honestly don't think your Mum does have depression. And I work in mental health. She sounds like a selfish woman, who wants an easy life, regardless of how it affects others. I'm so sorry. You deserve better than her.

[NannyRed]

To be honest I’m genuinely surprised nobody has gone full Michael Douglas in Falling Down and smashed those damn self serve checkouts to smithereens with a baguette or turkey sized foil!

Maybe best if you and mum stick to actual living check out staff and give her ear ache for leaving you.

Your mum has my sympathy but you do deserve

[phoenixrosehere]

There is very little excuse to leave someone in a shop, forcing them to walk home with their purchases. That is a straight up sh*y thing to do, especially to your own daughter and on the one day a month you spend time together.

You’ve done more than enough OP and there is nothing you should be apologising for.

My mum and I didn’t get along for years but she would never have left me stranded and forced to walk home.

Concentrate on yourself and your children. Let her get back to you and if she doesn’t, leave her be.

[Exhsuatedmuch]

I had parents like this especially the mother. Forced to apologise over and over for things that never happened or times they were in the wrong or face weeks of silence and spoiling my sister till I gave in.. I even had to beg forgiveness for an overdose which spoilt an anniversary for her.. Let's just say that one I didn't apologise for a all these years later I'm better off without...if you feel you've done nothing wrong then do nothing. I don't think you have at all xxx

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

OP, from what you say she has form for this kind of behaviour.

You've contacted her several times to find out if she is OK and she can't even text back to allay your worries.

[GenericHamster]

She sounds awful. I wouldn't go shopping with her again. Not worth the risk of her doing something similar.

[Bluerussian]

Your mum sure uses some language. In a million years I couldn't imagine mine using the f word.

I'd rather do without her and try to find someone else to help me or make some other arrangement. You mentioned home deliveries and they are great.

[Ilovemypantry]

Menopause?🤔