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Original poster

To be mortified at how my mum behaved

185 replies

tbear2O19 · 02/04/2019 15:30

Mum takes me shopping once a month as currently I can't drive.
So not to drip feed, yes I do use online deliveries and sometimes swing by the supermarket myself but with 3 young ones it can be handy and luxurious to go alone!

Anyway we went to the self service check out that has the big conveyer belt thing. One item needed assistance, then she started packing. Putting her bags down on the weight bit (where you put your shopping after it's scanned, these bags hadn't been scanned)

So by the time the assistant has cleared the item, we need further help as the bags have made it require help iyswim. I said to my mum "you're going to need to unpack all that as it doesn't recognise the bags" she simply said "oh well fucking forget it. What the fuck what a fucking waste of time"
And.... left Blush

I have no money to pay for her items, I did offer to put the items back but the assistant said no it's ok. I am mortified, I'm still red!! And to make it worse she just drove home, didn't even wait for me.
So had to walk home with 6 bags of shopping.

I'm just mortified!

OP posts:
Holidaylover · 02/04/2019 17:16

You need to ring her up right now

diddl · 02/04/2019 17:17

She behaved appallingly-the language & leaving you there to walk home-what was that all about?

There aren't the self service check outs where I live & the one time I tried to use them I got caught out by the bag thing & I thought to yself what a bloody faff & I won't bother again!

Tunnockswafer · 02/04/2019 17:19

Or, she didn’t want to open up to you OP about what was going on. You don’t sound very sympathetic, eg believing the menopause passes in an afternoon or whatever.
I hate self check outs with a passion. That is an assistant’s job gone. So that bit I understand, leaving you was cruel though.

Original poster
tbear2O19 · 02/04/2019 17:23

😂 okay. I am extremely sympathetic but I genuinely do not believe my mum is stressed about anything.
When she did work, all she worked was 2 days a week, she had great friends from there who she meets up with regularly. Has already paid her house off. She's just got a new house abroad, for which she's already visited 3 times.
Unlike me who has 3 young children, trying to cope with a fast deteriorating FIL, grateful for any crumbs my mum throws my kids way.

And I didn't believe the menopause passes in an afternoon 😂 she went to the Drs and was diagnosed with it in 2011. Since then she's not even mentioned it herself. I just didn't realise it was something that kept on happening

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 02/04/2019 17:24

Perfectly calm unstressed people do not curse and stomp off in Morrisons did you contact her to see if she was ok yes leaving you isn't great but clearly your mother is struggiling phone the woman.

Original poster
tbear2O19 · 02/04/2019 17:27

I tried to phone about 5 after finishing with dinner, She didn't answer.
I text to say if she hasn't eaten then I've got plenty of left overs and the kettle hasn't long boiled. Kids would like to see you blah blah and nothing

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 02/04/2019 17:32

She is maybe feeling a bit embarrased about the whole hoha

Stargazer888 · 02/04/2019 17:39

When she did work, all she worked was 2 days a week, she had great friends from there who she meets up with regularly. Has already paid her house off. She's just got a new house abroad, for which she's already visited 3 times.
Unlike me who has 3 young children, trying to cope with a fast deteriorating FIL, grateful for any crumbs my mum throws my kids way

Your mom behaved poorly, but what you wrote above speaks volumes. I wouldn't confide in you if I was stressed either...

SlowDown76mph · 02/04/2019 17:43

She sounds ill.

happilyevernever · 02/04/2019 17:50

I’d try and call her later on, don’t call as if you're going to shout, just ask if there’s any reason that she acted that way. She might be stressed, you don’t know what she’s going through and even if her life seems perfect she might be struggling with something

Willowtreecottage · 02/04/2019 17:51

I think she got too hot!
Know that dounds flippant, but if she felt frustrated and boiling hot- you’d want to storm off!
I work in retail and would like to hurl the self serve through the window!
She may not be acknowledging those symptoms herself!

AlphaSigma · 02/04/2019 17:52

6 bags isn't the end of the world, I'm sure people on here managed with 8 and a toddler on their back

Funniest thing I've read on here in ages. 😝

Februaryblooms · 02/04/2019 17:55

Ashamed to admit this but I had a similar epinside of rage at the self service in Tesco a few weeks ago and if it weren't for DP being there I'd have likely just left the shopping and walked out myself. In my defence if it deserves one is that I'm currently depressed and heavily pregnant. Its very embarrassing in hindsight. Poor DP must have felt mortified.

It sounds like something is going on behind the scenes and this small and trivial thing was the straw that broke the camel's back.

If she's depressed it may be that she masks it extremely well as do many people, so you wouldn't necessarily be able to tell anything was wrong until (like now) something small brings things to a head.

Perhaps give it a day and then reach out and ask whether she's ok as it's obvious she's not herself at the minute.

As poor as her behaviour was I'd reserve judgement until I could be sure she's not going through something mentally/emotionally.

It must have been very embarrassing for you regardless and I'm sorry you were put in that position.

flameycakes · 02/04/2019 18:07

So her doctor signs her of with stress and yet you don't believe it, are you as qualified as the doctor?

Original poster
tbear2O19 · 02/04/2019 18:09

I have to be grateful for the crumbs. She refuses to help on any other occasion.
I once was sedated for dental work, within an hour of coming round she handed over my son and said she was 'done and she'd had enough'
I also had a d&c earlier in the year and my children were nearly taken into temp foster care. She was the only one that could of helped but refused as she wanted to sit on her ass and eat cake.
When I went through PND and wanted to throw myself infront of the first bus I seen she simply said "I told you, you should of never become a mother. Worst mistake you ever made"

These are just the small examples but I've stopped relying on her for any help, except in dire circumstances where I've absolutely had to and even then she refuses to help. The kids are their nan once a month, it is shit and it is crumbs. My DS always asks if he can have a night at hers and all she does is a tinkly laugh and says just watching you run about is enough for me😒

Me and my mum speak about alot, if she was seriously stressed she'd have told me

OP posts:
Original poster
tbear2O19 · 02/04/2019 18:10

The kids see their nan once a month is what that's suppose to say😬

OP posts:
SneakyGremlins · 02/04/2019 18:14

OP, I wouldn't ever go with her again after that update. Flowers for you.

Is delivery an option? Sorry if I've missed that.

flameycakes · 02/04/2019 18:15

Sorry but you sound very unsympathetic towards her and rather up your own bottom, you were more interested in how her marching off affected you rather than what was up with her

Omzlas · 02/04/2019 18:16

Stop using her for lifts. Don't contact her. Let her sort her shit out. I'd be asking her what the fuck she was playing at before she got bear my kids though, if she can bugger off and leave you in a supermarket to walk home, what else is she likely to do when she flies off the handle?

Ginnymweasley · 02/04/2019 18:17

My mum does things like that. She does suffer from depression though so that accounts for some of her behaviour. If she isn't answering her phone etc then either its cause she is embarrassed or cause she is still annoyed. I know which it would be with my mum (the latter) but only you will be able to work out which it is with your mum.
I know how it feels when it seems like your mum doesn't care or is that interested in you. Best thing to do on that front is lower your expectations. Don't rely on her for anything

Ihatehashtags · 02/04/2019 18:19

I would ring her immediately and ask her what she has to say for herself? That is appalling behaviour and she needs to be called out on it. Tell her you were embarrassed and won’t be going shopping with hervagain

Stargazer888 · 02/04/2019 18:22

So she has the kids once a month and take you shopping once a month? That doesn't sound bad.
That said saying you never should have been a mother is awful. Where is you dp in all this? How supportive is he? I still get the impression that you think her life is perfect and are in some sort of competition with her. She is off on stress leave, so she is clearly stressed. And you keep referring to her as lazy which isn't very nice.You don't sound like you like her or respect her, so why spend more time with her?

Original poster
tbear2O19 · 02/04/2019 18:25

She doesn't have the kids at all, she sees them once a month.
I'm not gonna be liked for this but she's gone to the Drs before and made stuff up just to get tablets so no I don't believe it

OP posts:
rosamacrose · 02/04/2019 18:28

I get the rage sometimes and I've been depressed, menopausal and stressed.
I would NEVER have left you like that!
Appalling behaviour.
Extremely self centred.

You sound lovely, actually tbear2019 a d coping well Smile

flameycakes · 02/04/2019 18:29

How do you know she has made things up, I've spent a lot of time hiding my dark depression from others, I'm a good actress, only my dr and therapist knows stuff about me, and that took many years of just popping pills before I addressed it, your dismissal of your mum problems is horrible

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