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AIBU?

To be mortified at how my mum behaved

185 replies

tbear2O19 · 02/04/2019 15:30

Mum takes me shopping once a month as currently I can't drive.
So not to drip feed, yes I do use online deliveries and sometimes swing by the supermarket myself but with 3 young ones it can be handy and luxurious to go alone!

Anyway we went to the self service check out that has the big conveyer belt thing. One item needed assistance, then she started packing. Putting her bags down on the weight bit (where you put your shopping after it's scanned, these bags hadn't been scanned)

So by the time the assistant has cleared the item, we need further help as the bags have made it require help iyswim. I said to my mum "you're going to need to unpack all that as it doesn't recognise the bags" she simply said "oh well fucking forget it. What the fuck what a fucking waste of time"
And.... left

I have no money to pay for her items, I did offer to put the items back but the assistant said no it's ok. I am mortified, I'm still red!! And to make it worse she just drove home, didn't even wait for me.
So had to walk home with 6 bags of shopping.

I'm just mortified!

OP posts:

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RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 02/04/2019 15:56

How old is she? I remember my (normally calm and collected) mum walking out of work in a rage when she was going through the menopause.

Ticklingcheese · 02/04/2019 15:57

Not knowing her age, could it be menopausal rage?
If so you really can get frustrated by the smallest thing 😀.

LagunaBubbles · 02/04/2019 15:58

What did she get sacked for, is that bothering her? It's really not on to leave you there like that.

Troels · 02/04/2019 15:58

I'd just ignore her tantrum and leave her too it. She was being very childish driving off without you. Let her be the one to contact you.

ShinyRuby · 02/04/2019 15:59

Is she menopause age? It could explain the extreme reaction & rage if she was having a hormone surge? It's certainly down to her to make contact & apologise no matter what it was down to.

SneakyGremlins · 02/04/2019 15:59

Surely she could have said "I can't deal with this, here's my card, I'll meet you in the car as I need some fresh air"

bridgetreilly · 02/04/2019 16:01

I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about. I'd be furious with her for driving off without you, though.

katseyes7 · 02/04/2019 16:05

l'm just waiting for the "could this be the onset of dementia" post....

NHSPension · 02/04/2019 16:05

Why the fuck is everyone so bloody mortified these days, why can’t we just be slightly embarrassed?

I have made a point of not being embarrassed on someone else’s behalf. You are not responsible for your mother’s behaviour, therefore no need to be embarrassed.

I also think menorage.

3dogs2cats · 02/04/2019 16:07

She probably feels absolutely awful now. For whatever reason, life got on top of her today. It was an extreme reaction,but I expect she is mortified. There does seem to be a fashion for no contact at the dropof a hat, on here. I’d be inclined to ask if she’s ok.

thatdisorganisedmum · 02/04/2019 16:07

I think on this occasion it is more than slightly embarrassing!

Shockers · 02/04/2019 16:12

I also think menopause (I’m going through it). There are times when I’m gripped by irrational rage and I know I have to remove myself from the situation.

Perhaps a phone call might help.

shiningstar2 · 02/04/2019 16:15

I do wonder. as another poster mentioned, whether she might be worried about income since losing her job. Does she treat you to lunch/afternoon tea op or do you both pay for yourselves? Either way she might be feeling she can't afford to do your day out this way at the moment. If she thinks you really look forward to this she may have got tense thinking about telling you and ended up erupting. Maybe try a quiet talk about finances when you get the chance?

BlueJava · 02/04/2019 16:24

What I don't understand is why do you feel bad because of what she did? I get she is your DM but it was her outburst - just wait for shop staff to clear her stuff away and then do yours. I get it's not nice but my father is an alcoholic he does some pretty special stuff when out as well.. but I don't take any ownership for it.

Pinotjo · 02/04/2019 16:27

I did this when I was with my mum dumped my shopping out, threw a paddy etc, my mum laughed, 80+ years old, she totally enjoyed me making a spectacle of myself (I blamed the menopause) drove home together laughing

tbear2O19 · 02/04/2019 16:33

I don't think it's menopause as she went through it a few years back, although I know nothing about it myself. But she's never behaved like it before. She's 56.
I'm not saying I'm taking ownership for how she behaved, but walking off swearing, ignoring me shouting after her, ignoring all her shopping - knowing full well I had no money to afford to buy it myself yes I'd call that mortifying.
Usually I treat us both but since January she's offered to pay for it. She was signed off with "stress" I use that term very lightly.
I personally don't know what she'd have to be stressed about but from the outlook of her life she has nothing to be stressed about although I know on the inside it can all be different!

No she didn't want to work, keeps saying she would of quit or she'll quit in the summer (the excitement, the rush of saying it but she wouldn't of followed through with it)

OP posts:

Seniorschoolmum · 02/04/2019 16:34

I completely understand her dumping her shopping on one of the dreadful machines but walking off without you was unforgivable.

Is there something else going on?

tbear2O19 · 02/04/2019 16:38

The shopping was already scanned though! I did warn her not to start packing stuff as obviously it hasn't been paid for. I think all that needed to happen was to lift the bags and scan them as having taken your own bags, I wasn't aware of this at the time and thought she'd have to unpack it all (was about 13 items, a baskets worth I'd say) and she reacted like that and left it all

OP posts:

Fridasrage · 02/04/2019 16:45

She was signed off with "stress" I use that term very lightly.

I personally don't know what she'd have to be stressed about but from the outlook of her life she has nothing to be stressed about although I know on the inside it can all be different!

Please don’t add to the existing stigma around this. It makes it incredibly difficult for people taking time off work with mental health problems.

It sounds like you and your mum aren’t very close so you might not be privy to any mental health issues she could be struggling with. Just because you can’t identify what someone has to be stressed/ mentally ill ‘over’ doesn’t mean it’s impossible that they’re genuinely going through something tough.

I was fired up and ready to say that your mother was being wildly and bewilderingly unreasonable, before I read that she’s likely suffering from stress and that she’d just lost her job. Even if she was off sick before, losing a job means a huge loss of financial stability and can have a big impact on your identity.

I’ve had long periods of sickness absence due to a disability before, but I didn’t expect to lose my job and if I had it would have been an incredibly bad blow.

Ticklingcheese · 02/04/2019 16:46

Oh, it could still be menorage. Menopause can last for 10 years 😧.
You have something to look forward to 😁.

tbear2O19 · 02/04/2019 16:47

Sorry, I don't mean to add to anything
But I genuinely know my mum, she isn't stressed.
It was only in September she was buying a house abroad!!
And she's known about the company having to make people redundant since Christmas, so knew it was coming just didn't know when.

OP posts:

NameChange992 · 02/04/2019 17:02

You sound very dismissive of her being off for stress. Have you not asked her what it is she’s stressed about?

Sounds like the straw that broke the camel’s back. The only thing she really did wrong was drive off without you. Everyone packs their items before you’ve paid for them - that’s how checkouts are designed to be used so I don’t really understand your point there. And why would you need to unpack the bags again? Any time i’ve ever used a self checkout and the scales get confused/ i’ve added one of my bags which hadn’t been registered an assistant has just come over had a look at what i’ve packed and cleared the error message.

As for her leaving her shopping there. It literally is the assistants job to put back stuff people have decided at the last minute not to buy. I used to work in retail and we’d get whole trolleys full of stuff abandoned so a basket isn’t a big deal.

It sounds like the most embarrassing bit of It was you shouting after her. But even that I can’t imagine caring that much about.

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TixieLix · 02/04/2019 17:04

Oh, if only the menopause came and went in a couple of years! It can go on a lot, lot longer than that (as I am finding out to my dismay!) So it could be a bit of menorage. The extremity of the reaction though makes me think you should have a gentle chat with her to see if there's anything going on. It was definitely out of order for her to just leave you there like that.

tbear2O19 · 02/04/2019 17:12

Of course I am because I don't believe she is.
I asked her around Christmas time and all she said was "oh not much really I just fancied some time off"
She was only doing it to get some time off. She hates working, she'd rather be sitting at home doing nout

OP posts:

tbear2O19 · 02/04/2019 17:14

I thought you could only pack your stuff if the bags you're using have already been scanned, because it was already on the" help is on the way" bit she just started grabbing stuff to put in her bags.
Then when it was cleared of the item, it didn't know why certain products had been taken off it. She'd not scanned these bags as usually she'll throw stuff into the trolley and make me pack because "she needs a fag"

OP posts:

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