To be mortified at how my mum behaved

[tbear2O19]

Mum takes me shopping once a month as currently I can't drive.
So not to drip feed, yes I do use online deliveries and sometimes swing by the supermarket myself but with 3 young ones it can be handy and luxurious to go alone!

Anyway we went to the self service check out that has the big conveyer belt thing. One item needed assistance, then she started packing. Putting her bags down on the weight bit (where you put your shopping after it's scanned, these bags hadn't been scanned)

So by the time the assistant has cleared the item, we need further help as the bags have made it require help iyswim. I said to my mum "you're going to need to unpack all that as it doesn't recognise the bags" she simply said "oh well fucking forget it. What the fuck what a fucking waste of time"
And.... left

I have no money to pay for her items, I did offer to put the items back but the assistant said no it's ok. I am mortified, I'm still red!! And to make it worse she just drove home, didn't even wait for me.
So had to walk home with 6 bags of shopping.

I'm just mortified!

[Holyshitbags]

Op
Did you speak to your mum again?

[mummyof3kids]

Ask your brother if she has acted at all weird whilst with him. Or if she has friends you know ask them how she has been lately. My ex MIL had a form of dementia at a similar age and behaviour like this were the first signs. Illness and infection can cause odd behaviour. She may just have been acting a dick, but it sounds like she was afraid - hence the running away from till and no contact afterwards. I always err on side of giving people the benefit of doubt until I know what has caused a certain behaviour.

[GabsAlot]

its not clear she has mh issues agt all she just sounds nasty

[Latkes]

My Mum once suddenly started acting weird ( or more weird than usual) very angry, emotional etc. Turned out it was because she was about to have a massive stroke. . Does your Mum seem physically well in herself ? Maybe a blood test would be a good idea.
Although if she’s just got the sack, that might be enough to make her feel upset.and angry. Or even the menopause. I know from personal experience how crap and moody that can make you feel.
But in any case, I think I’d get a cab to the supermarket in future to save myself the stress lol 😂

[tbear2O19]

Apologies I didn't think it was drip feeding, I was replying to somebody who said I was harsh to say "I'm grateful for the crumbs my mum throws"
And then replying to somebody else who said wait for her to apologise.
If that's the case I won't be speaking to her hell will freeze over before she apologises!

[Acis]

You're drip feeding like crazy.

No, she isn't.

[Mascarponeandwine]

Exhsuatedmuch my mother too. She’s been dead 10 years, I look back and it completely baffles me what it was all about. It’s now a great relief to not have to do the endless apologising for some perceived wrong in order for her to stop giving me the looks and the silent treatment.

[vintanner]

Your mum sounds like she's got something serious on her mind as this seems like unusual behavior from her.
I hope she contacts you with an apology, but if not, the next time she turns up expecting you to go shopping, I would politely decline.

[MrsChanandlerBongg]

OH did this once 🙄 he was ID’d for non alcoholic beer and didn’t have his ID - he’s 28 and was buying non alcoholic beer. I had a few snacks (I was a week off my due date, so of course I had snacks) and he just walked out after telling the cashier to F off when he wouldn’t let him buy the beer... I was mortified!! Especially because I work in a shop and if someone told me to F off, it would piss me off big time.

[SamanthaJayne4]

OP this sounds like something my DM would have done, but without the swearing! She was always unpredictable. I am short tempered myself but would never drive off and leave someone. Horrible behaviour.

[Itssosunny]

Have some pride and don't take her shopping anymore.

[browneyes77]

You're drip feeding like crazy.

No, OP explained a situation that happened and then is answering everyone’s questions about it.

However, it's clear to almost everyone else reading this the woman has (potentially serious) MH issues. Whether you want to act on that is another matter.

Sorry what? Are you medically qualified to make that diagnosis? It isn’t clear that her DM has MH issues at all. Why on MN does shitty behaviour from people always have to revolve around MH? Some people are just arseholes you know? In fact many people have suggested the menopause. That isn’t a MH issue. It’s a natural process of the body.

Frankly, her DM to me just comes across as selfish and self absorbed and lacking in emotional intelligence. (Because for a start, someone with emotional intelligence wouldn’t tell their daughter that she shouldn’t have had kids because they’d know that was hurtful).

OP - I think you’ve tried to contact her enough now. Leaver her to it for a bit.

[whyamievenamazeddotcom]

I’m sorry this happened to you Im suspecting she might be having a bit of a nervous breakdown but the history of behaviour suggests not I have a similar relationship with my mum she often humiliates me when I take her shopping e.g. shouting aggressively at me that I was a bitch for picking up last pack of buns I think was I was shaking for hours afterward and it makes me very guarded when I see her I always cry after doing so and then feel confused about my feelings toward her - so IMO you should ask her why she did what she did (calm down first or you’ll be emotional) if she is going through something you can help her get through it and if she isn’t and just behaves like this for sport reduce your visits and gain some you time back - but believe me the guilt does not go away as I feel guilty for not seeing my mum but when I do I always remember why I don’t - I hope that helps and I’m sorry you are going through this as what happened was inconsiderate rude and unkind xx

[ChoccyBiccyTastic]

I'd just leave it tbh. You've tried to contact her. You've done all you can do. Sounds likes she's one of those "all about me" types, so I suspect she'll come to you when she needs some more attention. She'll be enjoying the thought of you worrying about her and making you apologise for... I'm sure she'll think of something.

[TheTitOfTheIceberg]

I don't want to be mean but why don't you just learn to drive or use an Uber?

If the OP can’t afford to pay for an extra basket of shopping, it’s unlikely she’s got spare cash sitting around for driving lessons or taxis.

And FYI, every time someone says “I don’t want to be X but...” everything after the “but” is X.

OP, from what you’ve described your mother sounds toxic. And I say that as someone who genuinely has been signed off with stress in the past. Even on my worst days I wouldn’t have behaved like that towards the people I’m supposed to love.

I agree with PPs who say leave her to it now. At some point I suspect you’ll have a choice - to fall back into line with her expectations, or to stand up to her selfishness and control. The latter will not be easy, but might be better for your self-esteem - and for your kids - in the long run.

[tbear2O19]

And we use that checkout every time we go shopping so it's not as if she didn't know

[tbear2O19]

"Learn to drive" 🙄 yeah with what money? I don't currently work.
Uber doesn't exist here.
I've already said it's not vital I go shopping with her but do it because we go out before shopping and then she comes to mine to see my children afterwards.
Its Not just the shopping.

If she had texted me that morning saying do you know what I cba/no money/no petrol I would not of had a go, been stroppy or demanded it happen as like I said I do usually do deliveries online or just go myself.

[AlexaAmbidextra]

I've never heard my mum say duck - ever !

Have you ever heard her say fuck though?

[Seahorseshoe]

Yanbu OP. That was a horrible thing for her to do.

[Tixywixy]

close to senior at 56. For goodness sake that's not old!

Self service tills are confounding to everyone but I guess you get used to it after a while.

But menopause, depression, stress etc are no excuse for shitty behaviour (and I've had all three). It's bad enough that she stormed off but to leave you to walk home with six bags of shopping is unforgivable.

Your other stories about her suggest she is selfish and unkind. I'm sure she doesn't behave like that with her friends or when she was at work. She's just taking her bad temper out on you because she thinks she can. Don't let her OP. Put your energies into people who are kind to you.

[Jasmineallenestate]

I don't want to be mean but why don't you just learn to drive or use an Uber? Why depend on someone you don't like very much?
People usually go shopping with their mums because it's time together, not because the mum is a taxi as if you are still a teenager. That said, mum relationships are so complex, if you have been hurt then that isnt nice. But protect yourself by having control over your life!

[Catsinthecupboard]

OP. I am very sorry about what happened. That was cruel and rude. Don't be embarrassed. Nobody judged you.

I don't excuse her. Especially leaving you to walk home!

However. As a close to senior. (Certainly old enough to be your mother),those self check outs make me CRAZY.

I realize that people use them everyday quite happily, but they confound me. The bags weighing things, not knowing when i can move things, items falling out of bags,
on and on. The only way to learn is by doing but i get so frustrated.

Thankfully, my dc are patient and I've gotten better.

It's no excuse for her to treat you badly, but i have very few things in my day to day life that makes me feel more stupid or frustrated than self-checkout.

Maybe she's just old and frustrated at herself? It happens. The modern world is fast and people (not you) are impatient. It's frightening to some of us and I've been at cutting edge technology for most of my adult life.

[W0rriedMum]

Your mum has royally messed up what sounded like a mutually enjoyable arrangement. That said your subsequent posts shows her to have form in being spectacularly selfish so I guess it's not a bit surprise. I'd leave her a few days now before trying to get in touch. But I'd never rely on her for anything.

[jameswong]

I'm not saying you should/are obliged too btw.

[jameswong]

You're drip feeding like crazy.

That aside, you're mum shouldn't have walked off like that, I agree.

However, it's clear to almost everyone else reading this the woman has (potentially serious) MH issues. Whether you want to act on that is another matter.