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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be absolutely fuming at midwife re.breach of confidentiality?!?

418 replies

cheesepleez · 30/03/2019 20:06

We haven’t told anyone we are pregnant. Made a massive effort to keep it hidden until the 20 week scan which hasn’t happened yet. Found out our neighbour who we don’t get on with and who is also pregnant apparently knows we are expecting. As we haven’t told anyone, and I’m not even showing, I can only assume the community midwife has mentioned to this lady “your neighbour is pregnant too”.
To me this is a massive breach of confidentiality and we haven’t even told friends and family yet. It’s my flipping medical info. Am I BU?? Or should I be able to expect my midwife not to discuss other patients??

OP posts:
Tootyfilou · 30/03/2019 20:46

Just because you are neighbors it doesn’t mean you have the same midwife. I would get your facts straight before you”fume” at anyone.

Wifeofapostie · 30/03/2019 20:46

Has she seen you at the GP’s waiting by the Mideifes clinic? Or at the maternity unit for scans/ bloods? Also, is your area paper light yet or do you still get given hand held paper notes? In my area you are given hand held notes at the booking appointment and are to take them to every appointment. They are all in matching folders and are unmistakable. Perhaps she’s seen you carrying them?

00100001 · 30/03/2019 20:47

Ok, so let's assume it WAS the midwife.
And you have proof.

Now what do you want to happen?

CastleCrasher · 30/03/2019 20:47

How do you know she knows if you don't speak to her? If she told you, what did she say?

blackcoffeeinbed · 30/03/2019 20:48

So I'm 14 weeks pregnant and had no intentions on telling anybody til much later. At my 8 wk appointment my supervisor at work was in the doctors! I had to go back 2 weeks later for another blood test and a dad from my children's school saw me walking in the doctors with my folder and told my neighbour! After I'd been for my dating scan I got a text saying congrats from an old school friend because their brother had seen me apparently in the waiting room (I didn't notice him)! My point is, it's not impossible for there to be a reasonable explanation to this, especially if you live in a smaller community, You can't always see who or what's going on around you, so I would calm down before you take your accusations any further. It's pretty clear that it's because you don't get on with this neighbour that you are annoyed, but anyone they know who might recognise you but you don't know personally could've been in the doctors, or seen you with your pregnancy pack.

MatchSetPoint · 30/03/2019 20:48

Maybe your neighbour saw you comming out of the midwifes treatment room or has seen you at the hospital waiting for a scan?

GreatDuckCookery · 30/03/2019 20:48

Have you been to a midwife appointment at the surgery? Could she have seen you then?

Sparklingbrook · 30/03/2019 20:48

So now mutual friend knows as well.

Get mutual friend to ask neighbour who is not next door neighbour how they know.

shaddywaddy · 30/03/2019 20:48

You could easily have been seen at the doctors or hospital. It might not have been the neighbour but someone who knows you both.

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 30/03/2019 20:49

Your friend is probably looking at your 20 week bump and wondering why you haven’t told her. This was probably her clumsy way of raising the subject.

FenellaMaxwell · 30/03/2019 20:50

But if the midwife was at your house a few months ago, then your neighbour could have just seen her going into or leaving your place when she was going past? Confused

MrsKCastle · 30/03/2019 20:50

Maybe mutual friend has guessed but wanted to say she heard it from somewhere else, in case she was wrong? And knowing that you wouldn't talk to the neighbour, mutual friend thought she would blame her.

NicoAndTheNiners · 30/03/2019 20:50

I guess midwife might have thoughtlessly said something like "oh I knew where I was coming as I was at this street a few weeks ago".

And neighbour has put 2+2 together?

7circlemats · 30/03/2019 20:50

You've made a massive jump there OP.

DrWhy · 30/03/2019 20:50

It’s wildly unlikely your midwife would say anything. A couple of my friends and I had the same midwife at the same time and she was amusingly good at not letting on any info even when friend and I had passed in the waiting room for our appointments.

NicoAndTheNiners · 30/03/2019 20:52

But also neighbour could have seen midwife pulling out your drive?

iano · 30/03/2019 20:52

Op, again, this may not be your MWs fault. If you want to blame her go ahead and complain about her. Chances are your neighbour saw her or her car when she visited (neighbour may have been walking past). Or she was in the waiting room when you booked in for 'my MW appointment'.
Rather than worrying about it I'd tell your friend to tell her to keep it quiet and move on. Why stress yourself out over it.. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

Original poster
cheesepleez · 30/03/2019 20:52

@FenellaMaxwell neighbour isn’t even in peeking distance. She doesn’t walk up past our house in fact she doesn’t walk at all. Plus midwifes car is pretty non descript it doesn’t have NHS or whatever stamped on it.
I’m not quite 20 weeks yet (have 20 week scan next week) and am not showing, no.

OP posts:
Dippypippy1980 · 30/03/2019 20:55

You need to complain

GemmeFatale · 30/03/2019 20:55

A friend knew I was infertile because he heard my voice in the corridor at the clinic. He sent me a text after (outing himself and his wife in the process).

Runmybathforme · 30/03/2019 20:56

Nurse here, patient confidentiality is a massive issue, if the midwife has done this, she needs to be reported. However, you need to be 100% sure of your facts before doing so, she’d be in so much trouble.

Original poster
cheesepleez · 30/03/2019 20:56

I’m upset because we were waiting for 20 week scan to know everything was ok before announcing our happy news and the one person in the world I didn’t want to know because she causes problems has bloody started telling people before us. I am reading all your rational and perfectly reasonable suggestions but honestly, we haven’t been looking at baby stuff. I haven’t been wearing anything maternity (there’s not even anything to see!) my notes are always in my giant bloody handbag and there’s only one community midwife in the area. We haven’t even allowed ourselves to enjoy the pregnancy and think about baby shopping etc until we get the all clear.

OP posts:
Witchend · 30/03/2019 20:58

I know something medical about one of dh's relatives that they don't think anyone in his family knows. This is because a friend of mine was at the same clinic and was telling me how it had gone and mentioned this other family that was really irritating and I recognised them from something that they'd apparently said which is individual to them.

It's led to a few moments of me feeling awkward when they've clearly been trying to hide it and have come out with something I know to be untrue, but I haven't said anything. I think though they will have to say something at some point as it is becoming more obvious.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 30/03/2019 20:58

I’m not quite 20 weeks yet (have 20 week scan next week) and am not showing, no

I bet you are. Someone said congratulations to me when I was 18 weeks (I was tiny). I said how do you know and she said it was obvious. I didn't think I was showing.

Sparklingbrook · 30/03/2019 20:59

You have no choice but to ask mutual friend how the neighbour knows so you can get your facts straight before putting in any complaints.