To be absolutely fuming at midwife re.breach of confidentiality?!?

[cheesepleez]

We haven’t told anyone we are pregnant. Made a massive effort to keep it hidden until the 20 week scan which hasn’t happened yet. Found out our neighbour who we don’t get on with and who is also pregnant apparently knows we are expecting. As we haven’t told anyone, and I’m not even showing, I can only assume the community midwife has mentioned to this lady “your neighbour is pregnant too”.
To me this is a massive breach of confidentiality and we haven’t even told friends and family yet. It’s my flipping medical info. Am I BU?? Or should I be able to expect my midwife not to discuss other patients??

@idontlike789 not weird at all, I also had a high risk pregnancy and didn't tell anyone until we were as sure as we could be that our baby was healthy!

WTF is wrong with you? Get off her case

Ah come on. The whole thing is full of shit.

I wouldn’t want to fall out with the community midwife but I would neutrally ask her what she’d said to cow down the road. Explain that she now believes you’re pregnant and you’re upset because a) you don’t get on and b) you didn’t want to tell
anyone yet. MW should have been more careful. A warning from you will hopefully make her more careful in future.

Many health care professionals and support staff are lax with this kind of information. A minority actively enjoy gossiping. A mum at school is a receptionist but acts as a chaperone for consultations including plastic surgery, then blabs at the school gates about what she’s seen.

Good luck with the pregnancy OP. Hope the scan brings good news

I was pregnant at the same time as a neighbour. We didn't have the same midwife, or have the same health visitor or community midwife visit us. So how do you know you have the same midwife as your neighbour? I didn't think midwives did house calls until after baby was born.

Our CM serves everyone from the same surgery and does some pre-birth visits in her distinctive orange car. She always runs very late so you can tell who’s pregnant by seeing who’s been hanging around in the doctors for several hours on a Tuesday morning when she does her clinic.

Also OP I’d be a bit wary of this thread given your situation. It’s the kind of thing the DM would pick up and post for spite.

At 20 weeks it's unlikely you are not showing.

Depends on how fat you are. I didn't show in my first pregnancy for a long, long time, I was already fat so it didn't show.

And there have also been the odd rare news report of people of normal weight who only find they are pregnant when labour starts.

I work in an antenatal building and it has a huge waiting room names are being called out all the time. Patients in the waiting room are forever bumping into their neighbours, work colleagues etc and we often hear them asking each other not to mention the fact that they are pregnant. It's a separate building/area of the hospital so if you're around that part everyone knows your pregnant even before you enter the building. It even has its own maternity car park. 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP said she was waiting for the 20 week scan before telling people. Remember, that's the anomaly scan. OP also said she had previous medical problems.

So, no problem to guess why the OP would want to wait until after the 20 week scan, and those bleating on that there's no reason to wait that long might want to remember that people are allowed to do things differently to you, or different to what's normal in your area....

Why do some people's pregnancies have to be so bloody 'top secret?!' I can understand not announcing it until you're past 12 weeks or whenever. Especially after miscarriages/loss, I totally get that.

But hiding?! Getting upset if someone finds out?!

I can only assume it's something to do with the child-like thrill of knowing something others don't???!

I certainly would not be denying it if asked. As you're going to look like a liar when all is revealed! Regardless of lying for the right reasons, lying is still lying. I couldn't associate with someone who lied about anything.

It can't be easy to be so hard of thinking!

Newsflash @worried2019, not everyone is you. Which is probably just as well if I can only assume it's something to do with the child-like thrill of knowing something others don't???! is the only reason you can think of that someone might want to keep a pregnancy secret. Are you 12?

OP- YANBU for hiding your pregnancy for as long as you can. I did the same thing for my first. For longer in fact. And I wasn’t showing. There was a potential medical issue and if I’d needed to terminate (which I’m not even sure I would have done), I didn’t want anyone else to be involved, especially family.
However YABU to assume it was the midwife or even something she implied. As someone else said, sometimes people just get a sense about these things. I sussed a lady at work without even realising it. She just looked off. I didn’t say anything but once you’ve been pregnant you definitely are more in tune with the signs.
Good luck with everything and congratulations. Try to relax and enjoy it.

I think the fact you went from dead certain to imagining and assuming in 6 pages is the key.

You’re, at best, guessing it was the MW. The only way you’ll know is to ask her or your not-so-near neighbour.

Hopefully in a few days it really won’t matter. Meanwhile it’s honestly not worth getting fuming about.

OP has explained that the midwife told the neighbour that she saw another lady on the same road.... So it was the midwife!
I think the OP is being quite extra in terms of not telling people but that's her right for whatever reason and to hear someone you don't even like or get on with is blabbing your news about town is not nice and most of us would be annoyed.
OP - just try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and I hope that all is well with the baby as there must be some concerns with the extra scans. Good luck x

@Worried2019

Given what the OP has said on this thread about having previous problems with pregnancy and the fact everyone knows that the 20 week scan is the anomaly scan, you are being horribly insensitive.

Here’s an example of an alternative reason to yours why someone might want to keep a pregnancy secret;

Previous history of high risk pregnancy, perhaps a genetic condition that may mean the woman has to have a termination for medical reasons after the 20 week scan and she’d rather not have everyone knowing that. It’s personal, people don’t have a right to know and in fact, everybody and his dog knowing about it would only make things more traumatic and painful for someone who’s going through enough.

It’s not lying. It’s keeping personal matters personal and private and everyone has the right to do that.

I don't think she has been abused but people have taken against the notion of categorically blaming the midwife (& potentially causing her professional harm) without any proof whatsoever.

She was right though, wasn't she.

No proof she was right at all, just something she was told 3rd hand.

I actually think the friend has suspected & concocted the story as a way to ask her.

The CMs here visit in their uniforms, and those of us who have had several kids will recognise several from being visited ourselves, or going to the CM drop in clinics. It wouldn’t be hard for one of your neighbours to see a MW they’ve met coming out your house, wave to them, then say to nosey neighbour “OP must be pregnant too, I saw Judy coming out her house in her uniform”.

I understand the need to wait until everything is ok. I wish you luck next week

So weird the way you say you’re not showing, but your namechangefail has dozens of posts worrying that all your friends have guessed you’re pregnant because you already have a big bump.

What a STRANGE server error!

Anyway yeah, totally ruin this midwife’s career, YANBU at all

There is a huge difference between the midwife saying ‘Jane Smith is pregnant’ and ‘I was a a house up the road a couple of weeks ago.’