To be absolutely fuming at midwife re.breach of confidentiality?!?

[cheesepleez]

We haven’t told anyone we are pregnant. Made a massive effort to keep it hidden until the 20 week scan which hasn’t happened yet. Found out our neighbour who we don’t get on with and who is also pregnant apparently knows we are expecting. As we haven’t told anyone, and I’m not even showing, I can only assume the community midwife has mentioned to this lady “your neighbour is pregnant too”.
To me this is a massive breach of confidentiality and we haven’t even told friends and family yet. It’s my flipping medical info. Am I BU?? Or should I be able to expect my midwife not to discuss other patients??

You need to complain

About what? The OP has zero evidence it was the midwife.

But if she does have the same midwife, she could easily have seen her car parked outside your house, unless it has a cloaking device. Or coming out of your drive! Or she’s seen you at the GP with your notes, and you didn’t see her. Or she’s seen you coming out of the midwife’s office and you didn’t see her. Or you’re showing more than you think you are. Or even the midwife could have said, “oh I was only down this road visiting someone the other day/week”, and she’s put two and two together.

I’m brilliant at spotting when friends are pregnant, it’s like a superpower - maybe she’s good at it too.

Have you not told anyone at work yet?

If it is not a next door neighbour and she is actually a few streets down and not even friends with you why on earth would it occur to any midwife to talk to her about you? It doesn’t make sense.

Look whether you are right or wrong I'm assuming that you have high risk pregnancy. So all that matters right now is that you look after yourself. Deny any rumours and sit tight.

Personally i doubt on the basis of the information you've set out that your midwife has been telling people that your are pregnant. My midwives were busy/over worked and were not in to chat beyond checking on me/baby let alone gassing about neighbours!

At 20 weeks it's unlikely you are not showing.

What do you want? A supportive mob all telling you to race to the NMC to get her struck off?

Maybe she just saw you leaving an appointment? I highly doubt your midwife would spill the beans if she’s got any sort of professionalism.

I think you're being a bit silly.

You must realise it's not literally only the midwife who knows. Your GP, GP's receptionist, phlebotomist, there are more people involved in antenatal care and you've said yourself you go to the GP's office for appointments.

Plus some people are good at piecing things together and spotting a pregnancy anyway. There will be giveaways even if you think you're not showing. Yabu to make assumptions about the midwife.

I’m not quite 20 weeks yet (have 20 week scan next week) and am not showing, no.

People will have spotted the bump by now OP. I hope your scan goes well next week.

She doesn’t live close enough to see who parks on the driveway, plus the visit was in the new year. Neighbour has only just told friend. I don’t reslly want to put friend in awkward position asking neighbour how she knows!
No not told anyone at work. I am not showing at all, despite some of you saying I probably am. Even midwife and sonographer have commented that I’m not showing.

You don't know that the neighbour actually knows because of midwife though. She may have thought she saw you with notes and is making assumptions or she may be best mates with the doctors receptionists sister.

At this moment in time you need to calm down and think of what is most important - healthy you and healthy baby. Nothing else really matters in the grand scheme of things.

If they do home visits, she might have not said she’d been at yours but she might have mentioned in a “did you manage to find us OK?” That she’d been in the street recently and neighbour might have put 2 and 2 together.

BUT YIUR GO KNOWS AS WELL

SO DOES THE MEDICAL RECEPTIONIST

SO DOES THE SONOGRAPHY DEPARTMENT THAT TOOK YIUR 12 WEEK SCAN

WHY DO YOU THINK THE MIDWIFE IS THE ONLY PERSON THAT KNEW?

sorry to shout...but answer the bloody question

YOUR GP KNOWS*

But if you have the same community mw won't she recognise the car and know when the appointments are so, perhaps seen you going in or out of gp at same time - a lucky guess. Our gp surgery flashes up names on boards to call for appointment, you may not have seen her but maybe she saw your name called. How do you know she is pg?

Oh look, the sonographer as well. So it's not "literally only the midwife" who knows 🙄

I hope you will come back to mumsmet and apologise to the midwife for making the allegation when you find out it was nothing to do with her.

Why don’t you ask her? You could say you’ve been keeping your pregnancy quiet and you are surprised she knew, and can she let you know how she found out as you’ve been scratching your head?

You may have been seen coming out of the midwifes office by the neighbour. Unless you can verify how exactly this neighbour found out, don't make accusations. Did the neighbour speak to you about your pregnancy? If so why didn't you ask how they know?

Oh, so now it's the midwife and the sinigrapher that knows.

When did you last have a scan? When did you last get told by then you aren't showing?

My midwife team operate out of a MLU where you go for all your appointments, they have a paper diary they use for appointments. When the midwife was flicking through to get my next appointment I seen the name of a girl I know amongst every other patients, very unique name, couldn't be anyone else, she must have only just booked in and I kept it to myself but I was mortified at the lack of confidentiality, I also have a unique name and luckily no one I knew seen it before I was ready to tell! Just a story for all the people doubting it was the midwife, these things definitely happen!!

I would try to clarify what's happened so agree that you need to talk to your friend. It may have come from the mw but perhaps the receptionist making an appointment etc.?
(I can't help wondering why your friend is on chatting terms with this neighbour from hell ...)

@cochineal7 I live very rurally. Neighbors are not next door neighbours in the same way as a street but more like the next house down the lane. Which is why I can only assume midwife has done home visit on neighbour and said “I was at your neighbours house couple of months ago”

Sorry, only seeing other responses- ignore previous post. I'm not with it this evening.