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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely fuming at midwife re.breach of confidentiality?!?

418 replies

cheesepleez · 30/03/2019 20:06

We haven’t told anyone we are pregnant. Made a massive effort to keep it hidden until the 20 week scan which hasn’t happened yet. Found out our neighbour who we don’t get on with and who is also pregnant apparently knows we are expecting. As we haven’t told anyone, and I’m not even showing, I can only assume the community midwife has mentioned to this lady “your neighbour is pregnant too”.
To me this is a massive breach of confidentiality and we haven’t even told friends and family yet. It’s my flipping medical info. Am I BU?? Or should I be able to expect my midwife not to discuss other patients??

OP posts:
formerbabe · 30/03/2019 20:08

Do you look pregnant? Maybe she's noticed a bump?

HoHoHolittlepea · 30/03/2019 20:09

Perhaps ask her how she knows first? coukd just be she's overheard you talking or heard morning sickness? Obviously if she knows through the midwife that's not great.

ConstanzaAndSalieri · 30/03/2019 20:09

I’d check your facts, but if it is as you think, then yes. But some people sense pregnancy and she may have seen you eg leaving the midwife office, gps, ultrasound, etc...

Atalune · 30/03/2019 20:09

I think you’re making a massive leap there.

Don’t assume, find out how she knows and go from there.

GreatDuckCookery · 30/03/2019 20:09

What’s the neighbour said to you? Find out how she knows before you jump the gun.

Original poster
cheesepleez · 30/03/2019 20:10

I’m not showing and I don’t even have anything to do with the neighbours. They aren’t directly next door even, they’re a bit down the road but technically they are neighbours.

OP posts:
JITSOG · 30/03/2019 20:10

You have assumed your midwife has done this.

Without evidence, I’d say YABU.

IncrediblySadToo · 30/03/2019 20:10

Maybe she just saw the midwife visiting you?

ludothedog · 30/03/2019 20:10

But you don't know if it was the midwife.... you can't make accusations without knowing

PotteringAlong · 30/03/2019 20:10

Does your midwife do home visits? Our booking in appointments are at home in our area - it’s how my neighbours found out because they’re friends with the midwife and recognised her car!

Original poster
cheesepleez · 30/03/2019 20:10

We don’t even talk to them! So there’s no way she’s overheard anything, they aren’t next door neighbours but they are the next house along the road iyswim.

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 30/03/2019 20:10

She could really easily have seen you at an apt..

MrsJamin · 30/03/2019 20:11

You're jumping to conclusions. If you're 20 weeks I'm surprised if people can't tell. Also, you're pregnant, not your husband/partner, it really grates when couples make out that the man has some shared biological involvement in the pregnancy/childbirth!

PotteringAlong · 30/03/2019 20:11

Also, you don’t know it was the midwife.

CinnabarRed · 30/03/2019 20:11

Totally unreasonable without evidence.

Waveysnail · 30/03/2019 20:11

Well your making assumptions for a start and jumping to conclusions. Theres many ways u could ha e been sussed - looking pregnant, being seen at mw clinic. I realised my neighbour was pregnant when I saw her sneaking her notes into the car ( she was trying to hide them under her coat) and I was look g out the window

AuntieMaggie · 30/03/2019 20:11

Maybe she saw you visiting the midwife? At your 12 week scan? Carrying your maternity notes? There are loads of ways someone could find out you're pregnant without your midwife having told!

Original poster
cheesepleez · 30/03/2019 20:11

I can’t stress this enough, we haven’t told ANYONE. Literally it’s only the midwife who knows.

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 30/03/2019 20:12

Much more likely ndn saw you going at an appointment or the midwife visiting you! Highly unlike midwife would risk her job with a comment like that.

KitKat1985 · 30/03/2019 20:12

Hmm, are you sure the midwife told her? Could she have seen you leave an appointment or similar. I bumped into someone I know when I went for one of my antenatal scans at the antenatal clinic so obviously worked out they pregnant, so these things do happen.

HoneysuckIejasmine · 30/03/2019 20:13

How do you know the neighbour knows if you don't talk to them?

It's a big leap to assume it was the midwife.

SleepyLions · 30/03/2019 20:13

How do you know that the neighbour knows?

Also, the neighbour could have seen the midwife going to your house (that's how I knew my neighbour down the road was pregnant)

Eslteacher06 · 30/03/2019 20:14

But how do you know the midwife told her?

AuchAyeTheNo · 30/03/2019 20:14

So how do you know that the neighbours knows your pregnant?

Perhaps she saw you at the clinic or maybe the hospital? Maybe she saw your name on the midwifes screen while she was there? When I was at clinic I would often see other names on the screen but nothing else regarding them.

Original poster
cheesepleez · 30/03/2019 20:14

We have a private driveway. I’ve never seen anyone I know when I go for appointments. Which are just in gp office so it’s not even obvious!!

OP posts:
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