To be absolutely fuming at midwife re.breach of confidentiality?!?

[cheesepleez]

We haven’t told anyone we are pregnant. Made a massive effort to keep it hidden until the 20 week scan which hasn’t happened yet. Found out our neighbour who we don’t get on with and who is also pregnant apparently knows we are expecting. As we haven’t told anyone, and I’m not even showing, I can only assume the community midwife has mentioned to this lady “your neighbour is pregnant too”.
To me this is a massive breach of confidentiality and we haven’t even told friends and family yet. It’s my flipping medical info. Am I BU?? Or should I be able to expect my midwife not to discuss other patients??

She's probably seen you at an appointment.

Do midwives visit people at home when they're pregnant in parts of the U.K.?

If you don't talk to them, how did you find out that she knows you are pregnant?

It’s vastly more likely she’s seen you somewhere - I saw one of my employees as I was having a scan on an ovarian cyst, she was there with her dh, clearly having a scan too, and I hid and didn’t mention it until she told me!

Oh I also saw someone I know in Mothercare buying baby clothes with that excited look on their face, and guessed they were expecting too. It's a massive leap to assume the midwife told them.

Explain how you know the neighbour knows.

You found out that apparently your neighbour knows?

How did you find out that your neighbour may or may not know,?

She could have seen you carrying your notes or coming from/going to a midwives app so I wouldn't jump to conclusions.

The ways the neighbour knows

1. you told them directly or indirectly
2. they saw you in the antenatal clinic
3. they have guessed
4. they have the same midwife, who told them that you were pregnant. Either accidentally,l or on purpose.

Also, even IF it was the midwife, and you somehow had proof, what do you want to be done about it?

It's perfectly possible. My community midwife told me someone was pregnant who I did actually know was pregnant but she shouldn't have told me.

I'd ask the neighbour how she knew. You are being very unreasonable to assume it was the midwife with no proof.

Ha! Great minds!

Yabu until you know for a fact that it was the midwife.

Also- I agree- YOU are pregnant. There is no “we” about it, ffs.

I was asked many years ago if I was pregnant as someone's mum had seen me waiting for an ultra sound and drinking loads of water, I want I had gynae issues, but by the time I told her that half my workplace thought I was pregnant. She's probably seen you somewhere or someone she knows who knows you has.

Nambammam

I can’t stress this enough, we haven’t told ANYONE. Literally it’s only the midwife who knows.

Not one single person has suggested someone else told her... everyone has suggested that she may have seen you at the midwife, at a scan, carrying your notes etc

maybe she saw you going into clinic, saw midwife at yours, saw you with your notes ? going to hospital appointment? Is any of this possible you obviously have seen the midwife somewhere. I would really hope it wasn't the midwife she would be incredibly daft to breach confidentiality. I'd ask the neighbour and see what she says

Bit of a leap there OP. Not impossible but not likely I don't think. My near neighbour found out I was expecting because the midwife got lost and asked for directions to my street.
I'm the only one it could've been really so didn't take long for her to work it out.
Loads of scenarios posted by PP that are more likely than the midwife risking her job for the sake of idle chit chat.

You keep avoiding the questions. HOW DO YOU KNOW SHE KNOWS?

Are you sure she hasn't been just entering or leaving for a Community appointment as your name was called? Or have you had a home visit, so her car was outside your house/she was seen going to your door? Could you have been in a shop/chemist picking up folic acid or the maternity section of a shop?

I'd be surprised if there is absolutely no indication that you are expecting if you're over 6-8 weeks, though - somebody else who hasn't experienced it might not notice, but it's often quite telling that somebody's face, skin texture, boobs or just shape has changed quite dramatically in a short period of time, even without a big, round bump.

It could even be as simple as, on reporting at the desk for an appointment, she's seen your name on the list - I've often gone in for appointments and staff haven't found my name on a list immediately, so I've leant over and pointed it out; I might have noticed a name if I'd scanned down in the process.

In short, it might not be your midwife saying 'Oh, Mrs Nam three doors down is 15 weeks gone'.

My midwife did this too. She said oh I'm going to your neighbour over the road now she's 2 weeks behind you. Didn't really bother me though.

How do you know the neighbour knows?

And yes, how do you know the neighbour knows?

Also the midwife, you and your partner aren't the only ones that could know

Your GP knows
The medical secretary knows.

But.. how do you know she knows?

All sounds a bit dramatic also.

I really can't imagine the midwife said "oh your neighbour is pregnant". If she hasn't been to your house she wouldn't even remember your address/road name.

I think it's far more likely she's seen you in a waiting room and guessed. Just because you didn't see her doesn't mean she didn't see you.