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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely fuming at midwife re.breach of confidentiality?!?

418 replies

cheesepleez · 30/03/2019 20:06

We haven’t told anyone we are pregnant. Made a massive effort to keep it hidden until the 20 week scan which hasn’t happened yet. Found out our neighbour who we don’t get on with and who is also pregnant apparently knows we are expecting. As we haven’t told anyone, and I’m not even showing, I can only assume the community midwife has mentioned to this lady “your neighbour is pregnant too”.
To me this is a massive breach of confidentiality and we haven’t even told friends and family yet. It’s my flipping medical info. Am I BU?? Or should I be able to expect my midwife not to discuss other patients??

OP posts:
isabellerossignol · 30/03/2019 20:34

If your midwives told someone then yes, that's a breach of confidentiality obviously.

But on what grounds do you think that? And how do you know that your neighbour knows if you don't speak to them anyway?

Runningintothesunset · 30/03/2019 20:34

When I was expecting my first I had loads of early scans. When we announced it, one lady in the village said “oh I’m so pleased everything's ok - my daughter saw you in the antenatal clinic a few weeks ago and then when there wasn’t any news we thought the worst”. I’d never met / spoken to the daughter but she’d recognised me from my photo at a village event. Daughter had been there for their 12 week scan

iano · 30/03/2019 20:34

I saw an acquaintance at the EPU when I went in due to bleeding. She didn't see me and I haven't told her I saw her there.

These things happen. I don't think your neighbour will give two monkeys about you being pregnant. Why would she if you don't speak?

rudewordsaretheshit · 30/03/2019 20:35

YABU for implying you are both pregnant

keepforgettingmyusername · 30/03/2019 20:36

You are being ridiculous.

00100001 · 30/03/2019 20:36

Isabelle
"But on what grounds do you think that? "

Because OP seems to think that we midwife is the only person in the entire world that knows.

(Despite the fact that her GP will know, also the medical receptionist, and probably the go nurse)

Treaclesweet · 30/03/2019 20:36

Could she have seen you with your green folder? Why not ask your midwife?

NoShoeShops · 30/03/2019 20:37

What a weird thread.

How do you know your neighbour knows?
Your midwife won’t be the only person that knows. The person who took your bloods, your GP, the receptionists, sonographer. All sorts of people.

As a nurse I can tell you now I don’t register where people live and put two and two together.

llangennith · 30/03/2019 20:37

Even if the Midwife did mention it in passing to another pregnant lady I don't think it's such a big deal. Why are you trying to keep a 20week pregnancy secret? You should be happy to share your joy.
Hardly a state secret or a data protection issue🙄

winecigsandchoc · 30/03/2019 20:38

If it was the midwife then YANBU

DesertSky · 30/03/2019 20:38

Why didn’t you ask her where she heard that from?

youaremyrain · 30/03/2019 20:39

Presumably you've attended 12 and 20 week scans, where you sit in awaiting area and are visible to other people?

NoShoeShops · 30/03/2019 20:40

Only you are pregnant.

bumblenbean · 30/03/2019 20:40

Sounds a bit like Chinese whispers to me ...

PixieDust26 · 30/03/2019 20:41

You might not even have the same midwife? As PP said it won't only be the midwife who knows you're pregnant..

Worriedmum32 · 30/03/2019 20:41

It's quite odd you've jumped to this conclusion.

I found when I was pregnant I'd notice other pregnant women in waiting rooms by the little things, absent mindedly rubbing stomach, frequent trips to the loo, attending GP app with their partner, carrying similar forms to me e.g. bloods or midwife folder. It's possible she's seen you leave an appointment or has picked up on something.

It seems unlikely a midwife would say oh by the way your neighbour is pregnant, more likely something like your neighbour seeing her visit the area and putting 2 and 2 together.

Is this really a big deal? Can you not just say to the neighbour that your not sure how she knows but you are keeping it quiet so can she not mention it.

shaddywaddy · 30/03/2019 20:41

So you don't actually know that the neighbours know ? You also don't know who told them, if they even know in the first place ?
Pointless thread

isabellerossignol · 30/03/2019 20:43

I do love a thread where someone is 'fuming' though. So much drama. Perfectly for a Saturday night.

Elderflower14 · 30/03/2019 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

evaperonspoodle · 30/03/2019 20:43

This is a very bizarre post. Why on earth would a MW look at someone's notes and say "Oh Barbara from down your road and out the back is pregnant too!" If she was a close friend of yours it would be more plausible (obviously still wrong) but it makes no sense that a MW would start telling women who live within a 1 mile radius about other women's pregnancy and reveal their names and addresses.

In one of my pregnancies a foetal abnormality was detected and I told my family. My cousin was asking advice from her neighbour who was a specialist sonographer, and she revealed that it was her that detected it and gave her some info about my case. I was a bit Hmm at the time but had much more on my mind but in hindsight I wish I had have complained.

Elderflower14 · 30/03/2019 20:44

Wrong thread sorry!

Original poster
cheesepleez · 30/03/2019 20:44

Sorry I was driving.

  1. NOT next door neighbour. Down the road neighbor as in have to walk for two minutes to get there. So there’s no chance midwife has been seen when she did the home visits once.
  2. I carry my notes in my handbag I haven’t been flashing them around.
  3. A mutual friend told me today that neighbour has told her that I’m pregnant and friend as then asked me if it’s true. I mean neighbour is apparently also pregnant. Which is the only way she’s found out that I am. I’m imagining it’s a case of midwife has done the home visit for booking in and mentioned she was at my house a few months ago.
  4. I have good reasons (medical) for waiting til 20 weeks before telling anyone after previous problems. No need to be so judgey 🤦🏼‍♀️
OP posts:
NoShoeShops · 30/03/2019 20:45

She could have just seen you. Just because you haven’t seen her doesn’t mean she didn’t spot you or maybe someone she knows did.

Original poster
cheesepleez · 30/03/2019 20:45
  1. Neighbour is neighbour from hell. We have literally nothing to do with her. She does nothing but cause trouble and is abusive to everyone, shouts in the road, etc etc.
OP posts:
00100001 · 30/03/2019 20:45

So, you still think the only other person in the world that knew was the midwife?

Dies your GP not know?