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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be absolutely fuming at midwife re.breach of confidentiality?!?

418 replies

cheesepleez · 30/03/2019 20:06

We haven’t told anyone we are pregnant. Made a massive effort to keep it hidden until the 20 week scan which hasn’t happened yet. Found out our neighbour who we don’t get on with and who is also pregnant apparently knows we are expecting. As we haven’t told anyone, and I’m not even showing, I can only assume the community midwife has mentioned to this lady “your neighbour is pregnant too”.
To me this is a massive breach of confidentiality and we haven’t even told friends and family yet. It’s my flipping medical info. Am I BU?? Or should I be able to expect my midwife not to discuss other patients??

OP posts:

Shoppingwithmother · 30/03/2019 20:21

It’s not impossible, though - my midwife did this to me. She told somebody she knew was a friend of mine (who was also pregnant) that I was as well. We were not telling anyone (this was even before 12 weeks) and I was fucking livid.

We complained to the trust about her and it was taken very seriously.

Obviously in my case I knew it was her, as my friend told me.

xyzandabc · 30/03/2019 20:21

I really doubt it was the midwife. Far more likely either she has seen you somewhere pregnancy related, i.e midwife clinic, scan place, Mothercare, local baby sale. Or one of her friends has seen you, recognised that you are her neighbour and said to her ' oh I saw your neighbour at xyz the other day, maybe you're due at the same time'

How do you know she knows if you don't talk to her?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 30/03/2019 20:22

I can’t stress this enough, we haven’t told ANYONE. Literally it’s only the midwife who knows.

……. the whole midwifery team, and every midwifery clerk, medical records clerks, the phlebotomists ….. literally tens of people know.

Anyway how do you know your neighbour knows? and this is a corker - ask them how they know before making wild assumptions

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 30/03/2019 20:22

Why haven't you told your family? I can't think of any good reason to keep your siblings and family in the dark like that? As far as the neighbour is concerned, meh, who cares?

SandyY2K · 30/03/2019 20:22

Found out our neighbour who we don’t get on with and who is also pregnant apparently knows we are expecting

The neighbour either knows, or doesn't know... so I don't understand the use of the word apparently.

Have you heard it from the neighbour's mouth or a third party?

Shoppingwithmother · 30/03/2019 20:22

Same midwife also told me the business of various people who lived nearby (but I didn’t know) during my previous pregnancy.

Sparklingbrook · 30/03/2019 20:23

We neeeed to know how the neighbour knows and how you know the neighbour knows.

00100001 · 30/03/2019 20:24

Maybe the 'apparently' is used instead of "and it turns out"
Apparently that happens sometimes...

LordVoldetort · 30/03/2019 20:24

If you never speak to the neighbour then how do you know they know?

Maybe next time you speak to them but don’t speak to them ask them if they know you’re pregnant and if they say yes ask them how they know

DontCallMeShitley · 30/03/2019 20:24

Maybe your partner's bump shows more than yours as you are both pregnant.

RaspberryBubblegum · 30/03/2019 20:25

YANBU if it is the midwife that's told her. However I could sit in my gp surgery waiting room and point out every woman there to see the midwife. The notes you have to take are a dead giveaway for one, and secondly when you're called it will say on the board who you're going to see/ what room number. It could also be that your midwife just mentioned in passing that someone else living close by was also a patient of hers. No mention of names but maybe neighbours put 2 and 2 together?

slipperywhensparticus · 30/03/2019 20:25

Awful lot of gossip for people who dont actually talk to each other ??

Starlight456 · 30/03/2019 20:25

you aren't answering the questions.. how do you know she apparently knows?

pastabest · 30/03/2019 20:25

Going against the grain slightly I assume she's probably given enough information to identify you to the neighbour without specifically naming you.

It's not right at all but it's fairly normal in rural areas. E.g midwife says ahh I'll come and see you at 11am after I've been to seen another lady at tinyvill (small village next to yours). Process of elimination of the 4 child-bearing age women in that village tells you that it's likely to be mum of a 20 month old you see occasionally at playgroup and has been looking slightly rounder recently.

Unless you have special circumstances you won't have been having midwife visits at home so the only other possibility is that she's seen you at clinic for booking or 16 week appointment or for 12 week scan. If she's been close enough to ID you then it's likely you would have seen her too.

Sometimes professionals aren't as discreet as they should be.

GreatDuckCookery · 30/03/2019 20:25

I don’t think we’re going to find out how the neighbour knows somehow.

NicoAndTheNiners · 30/03/2019 20:26

Though it's possible she's seen your name on a list . I went to Minor Injuries the other week and the nurse left me alone in the consult room for 5 mins with his computer screen up and I could see a list of names of who had been in earlier and what their problem was!

LadyMarmyLard · 30/03/2019 20:28

How do you know she knows????

RandomMess · 30/03/2019 20:28

My HV blabbed to my childminder...

GummyGoddess · 30/03/2019 20:29

Not impossible. When I was pregnant with DC1 my NCT friend was also booked for a home birth. Midwife mentioned to me that she had seen my friend (not suspicious as friend obviously mentioned me) but also said about another lady 'round the corner' who was also having a home birth. Could be something like that?

loulou0987 · 30/03/2019 20:31

My midwife rang my place of work and asked to speak to me to arrange an appointment (I work in the hospital!) they asked to take a message and she said she was my midwife 😳

wigglypiggly · 30/03/2019 20:31

come on OP, how do you know the neighbour knows, have you asked her directly? do you have any proof it was the midwife? we all know now.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 30/03/2019 20:32

Why the secrecy?
Why do you hate your nearly neighbour?

PortiaCastis · 30/03/2019 20:32

How do you know she knows if you don't speak to her

londonrach · 30/03/2019 20:33

Yabu. Ive guessed two friends correctly so far on them commenting on baby thingson fb. My work colleague knew i was pregnant before i did at 4 weeks. I bet you showing or something like seeing your midwife coming out the house or seen you shopping

RedSkyLastNight · 30/03/2019 20:33

How do you know that the neighbour knows if you don't talk to them?

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