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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely fuming at midwife re.breach of confidentiality?!?

418 replies

cheesepleez · 30/03/2019 20:06

We haven’t told anyone we are pregnant. Made a massive effort to keep it hidden until the 20 week scan which hasn’t happened yet. Found out our neighbour who we don’t get on with and who is also pregnant apparently knows we are expecting. As we haven’t told anyone, and I’m not even showing, I can only assume the community midwife has mentioned to this lady “your neighbour is pregnant too”.
To me this is a massive breach of confidentiality and we haven’t even told friends and family yet. It’s my flipping medical info. Am I BU?? Or should I be able to expect my midwife not to discuss other patients??

OP posts:
stayathomer · 31/03/2019 08:59

I'm between feeling that there's a reason you wanted to wait so long ( though I can't find it on this unintentionally hilarious thread, apologies if I missed it) and knowing a mw shouldn't divulge, but knowing everyone is human and if it DEFINITELY was her, she needs to be told it's a reportable offense, but I wouldn't report her. But OP you sound like you want to and intend on doing it. I would totally say it's more probably that your neighbour saw you doing something you'd associate with a pregnant woman or noticed something about your appearance

Cannyhandleit · 31/03/2019 09:02

I know for a fact that as soon as I present to midwife/doctor as pregnant then our health visitors are informed!! I know this because our health visitor let slip to me that my friend was pregnant without any prompting from me so if your neighbour has other children and has contact with HV then it is quite possible HV has let slip and said something about 2 babies due in your lane or something!!

pelirocco123 · 31/03/2019 09:05

How can see be a neighbour if she doesn't live that close to you ?

Quartz2208 · 31/03/2019 09:07

Did she say a house or your house?

Sparklingbrook · 31/03/2019 09:09

Sounds technical now. The MW referring both the 'house up the road'.
How many houses are there up the road? She didn't mention the OP by name presumably.

LarryGreysonsDoor · 31/03/2019 09:10

Community midwife had done home booking appointment in the last month and mentioned to neighbour she had been in the house up the road only a couple months ago.

That confirms my theory.
She didn’t say ‘I was at OP’s house a while ago, did you know she was pregnant?’ She just said that she was at a house up the road. That could be a few different houses. The neighbour has just worked out that it was you because no one else could be pregnant.

It sounds like the midwife was just passing comment that she had visited your village before.

Prequelle · 31/03/2019 09:10

Honestly it's often quite obvious to other pregnant women that you're pregnant. Bump or not.

pelirocco123 · 31/03/2019 09:10

When I was pregnant with my first (over 36 yrs ago ) my midwife asked to to visit my next door pregnant next door neighbour as she felt she was lonely. I had no idea she was pregnant , it didn't occur to me to be outraged, I am obviously slow on the uptake

You have said that she told this woman she had visited a house up the road?.....so she didn't actually narrow it down to you

Sparklingbrook · 31/03/2019 09:14

I am guessing it will turn out the only house up the road is OP's...

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 31/03/2019 09:14

If the midwife did mention it she's done nothing wrong. Most people wouldn't assume it was something that needed to be hidden. So unless you told her it was a secret yabu

Confused so in order for my medical information to be kept confidential I have to tell my doctor it's a secret? Not sure how that would work.

I still don't think it's the MW. She's not going to risk her job over this.

idontlike789 · 31/03/2019 09:19

It's a bit weird to wait till the 20 week scan . Don't most people wait till 12 week scan ?
Although I knew someone who told people when she was 2 weeks pregnant.
Honestly very odd thread why the secrecy?
I remember Sil wanted to tell immediate family first but a friend guessed so she had to quickly tell immediate family.

sagradafamiliar · 31/03/2019 09:24

She said she had good medical reason, it's really not odd at all. Think about what those reasons might be.

isabellerossignol · 31/03/2019 09:25

If someone wants to announce their pregnancy the minute they per on a stick then there's nothing wrong with that. If they want to wait until after the 20 week scan there's nothing wrong with that either (although realistically most people will have guessed by then).

caughtinanet · 31/03/2019 09:25

It's not weird to wait until any number of weeks to tell people, totally up to the people involved.

I've now seen that someone has kindly posted the namechange fail post that I'd missed.

I would actually complain to the surgery, imo it's a very serious breach to be commenting in other women's pregnancies. Posters who say it's no big deal are wrong, it's a very big deal.

howmanyleftfeet · 31/03/2019 09:27

JFC people read the thread.

  1. The OP has said she has. medical reason for not telling people till 20 weeks. Continuing to question her about why 20 weeks after she's said that is fucking insensitive in the extreme.
  1. The OP has had it confirmed it WAS the MW
Sparklingbrook · 31/03/2019 09:29

OP had a scan at 18 weeks. And is about to have the 20 week one.
What will the difference be?

YouBumder · 31/03/2019 09:33

I am guessing it will turn out the only house up the road is OP's...

No doubt

Acis · 31/03/2019 09:33

Out of curiosity, OP, what were you going to do if you had started showing before 20 weeks? Or in relation to people who deduced what was going on from other changes?

howmanyleftfeet · 31/03/2019 09:33

Sparklingbrook I can't believe you're even asking that. The OP doesn't deserve to be interrogated about possible traumatic health issues. That is not the point if this thread.

This thread has really brought out the thoughtless arseholes, seriously people, have a word with yourselves.

Sparklingbrook · 31/03/2019 09:33

We need a diagram maybe. Grin

squeekums · 31/03/2019 09:34

Duplodancer
Wrong. Confidentiality is a huge part of healthcare. A midwife has no right to even hint at someone's medical condition to another, even if that is pregnancy. The op does not need to state this to the midwife, the midwife should know and respect the confidentiality aspect

YouBumder · 31/03/2019 09:35

The OP has had it confirmed it WAS the MW

No, she hasn’t. She’s heard it via her friend from shouting in the street neighbour who isn’t really a neighbour and so awful she’s friend’s with the OP’s friend.

RandomMess · 31/03/2019 09:36

The OP has said it's a newly qualified MW so I think she should tell the MW how irresponsible she was with her comment. Assuming that the story hasn't got twisted along the way the MW was very wrong to say what she did and needs to rapidly learn to keep her mouth shut.

When you have had your pregnancy status blabbed by a health professional it's really horrible! It can have repercussions my HV discussed my early pregnancy with the man who answered my house phone (just assumed it was my partner that answered and that he knew I was pregnant) disclosed it to her colleague in front of my childminder at the baby clinic - wrong wrong wrong.

howmanyleftfeet · 31/03/2019 09:38

YouBumder WTF is wrong with you? Get off her case.

MemorylikeDory · 31/03/2019 09:38

I was pregnant at the same time as a neighbour. We didn't have the same midwife, or have the same health visitor or community midwife visit us. So how do you know you have the same midwife as your neighbour? I didn't think midwives did house calls until after baby was born.

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