To be absolutely fuming at midwife re.breach of confidentiality?!?

[cheesepleez]

We haven’t told anyone we are pregnant. Made a massive effort to keep it hidden until the 20 week scan which hasn’t happened yet. Found out our neighbour who we don’t get on with and who is also pregnant apparently knows we are expecting. As we haven’t told anyone, and I’m not even showing, I can only assume the community midwife has mentioned to this lady “your neighbour is pregnant too”.
To me this is a massive breach of confidentiality and we haven’t even told friends and family yet. It’s my flipping medical info. Am I BU?? Or should I be able to expect my midwife not to discuss other patients??

That was to GP, who can't get over the fact that I believe most people don't show until after 20 weeks 😂

You don’t know most people, so it’s obviously based on a very tiny sample, Sagrada
What’s so hilarious about someone having a different experience to you?

At twenty weeks most people who see you will know. Better that they think you are pregnant than gaining a lot of weight.

I still don't get why op is convinced midwife has disclosed her pregnancy when 1-she's not had contact with anyone other than this 'friend' who's imparted all this knowledge and why this pregnancy is so amazing and interesting that the midwife will risk livelihood to breach confidentiality!

A friend found out my daughter was pregnant because their younger sibling was doing work experience at the hospital and asked to sort out the blood test paperwork (and my daughter had recently had a blood test). My daughter was told we could make a complaint, but really the only thing that mattered was to have a healthy baby so she did not take it further. However it did make me realise that although we think only the midwife knows, in reality there are other HCP and clerical staff that also do.

I wish you luck with your pregnancy, OP.

It's hilarious that I'm supposed to give academic references and statistical data collated from every woman who has ever lived, worldwide. As opposed to, you know, just speaking from lived experience like we all do when posting.
I didn't think I'd be challenged about claiming to know literally 'most people' ffs.

Wait, who had a different experience to me? I'm not sure what you're referring to. I found it funny my post was being picked apart and questioned. Who could be bothered??

Nobody imagines that “only the midwife knows”

Far more likely is that the midwife visited both you and the other lady at the same time. Other lady then say MW car drive away and stop again or MW left her car at the other ladies and walked to yours since they were so close and other neighbour has put 2 and 2 together.

Oh come now @sagradafamiliar, don't get all defensive now! You keep saying 'most people' pop after 20 weeks. Well, quite rightly, most people you know may pop after 20 weeks, which means that yes, you would have been surprised to hear a midwife say that people tend to show before 20 weeks. What came across in your post was more generalised, hence I asked the question. No need to get het up.

was only asking

Cringing at everyone correcting OP for saying "we're pregnant". Get over yourselves.

That's my opinion. Like everyone, my opinion is based on lived experience. It's not an opinion which requires much more thought/further expansion. I'm baffled you find it so intriguing

Haven't RTFT - but just thought I'd say I've definitely seen other women's names on the my midwifes screen when she's been booking appointments for me. I've had more than 1 midwife and it's happened with most. They just don't bother to hide their screen. And as I live in a small town - I've definitely seen names of old school colleagues who I'm not in touch with etc - but by seeing their name on screen I know they are expecting too. I always thought it was a clear breach of data but wasnt that bothered by it so I've never raised it. But it's very possible this happened to you - your neighbour saw your name on the midwifes screen.

Op I think you are irresponsible to suggest that there's been ' another' MN data breach when you can't even remember which to name you've changed. Contact MNHQ if you think that there is problem. Go to site stuff and ask.
I understand your reasons for wanting to keep YOUR pregnancy secret, if you truly think that your midwife has breached confidentiality then get in touch with whoever oversees midwifery in your area.
Congratulations and I hope your pregnancy goes well for you

Cringing at everyone correcting OP for saying "we're pregnant". Get over yourselves.
Same here. Let people describe things the way they want to. It's not a term I would use but it's been about for years (in fact Denise in the royle family says it when announcing her pregnancy).
Personally OP I would let it go. Don't let it get to you. It really is small in the grand scheme of things. If you really have to say something then have a quiet word at your next appointment.

Ah now I've read more of the thread. Firstly - glad you confirmed it was your midwife. Secondly that midwife who said you must show at 20 weeks can't be real... I know people in real life who are generally flat during the day (at 20 weeks) but then start to bloat out as the day gets later and by bed time they have a bump - but then wake up with no bump. These are skinny people though. But then personally I'm quite fat and so nobody knew I was pregnant (due to my baggy "attempt to hide fat body" clothing) until I was 6 months which is beyond 20 weeks.

sagradafamiliar Oh, don't be baffled, you coy thing you - you've guessed it! I just find you so fascinating!

Well you're only human 😂

I can guarantee someone who knows your neighbour has seen you at the doctors holding your notes or at the hospital in the scan waiting room. They have visited and made conversation like 'how coincidental having a baby the same time as your next door neighbour'. People know people who know faces? It really isn't rational to blame it straight on the midwife. A friend or family member of your neighbour obviously recognises your face and has spotted you and obviously has no idea you don't want people finding out. Just because you don't recognise people in the waiting room it doesn't mean they don't have some idea of who you are.

What if it was another person who has access to your notes and records? A receptionist. Perhaps you have been seen? These are also plausible.

Last scan at 18 wks & "paranoid" about seeing anyone OP knows.
I wonder how many scans OP has had (so far).
I didn't know community MWs did any home visits before baby birth. Are home visits a new thing?

After I got newly pregnant and noticed changes in my body - I used to play spot the other pregnant ladies in work (big company) - changes to faces and boobs, hands going over belly - you don't have to have a huge tummy to look pregnant.
But the midwife would not want you to be stressed so just ask her if she mentioned it it someone else.
In reality, its likely your neighbour saw you somewhere.

Bloody hell OP. You're prepared to ruin someone's career over baseless allegations. I sure hope something like this never happens to you. I'm going to put your irrationality down to pregnancy hormones but in normal circumstances I'd tell you to have a word with yourself. Unbelievable

OP, you mention being paranoid, wanting nobody to know about you being pregnant, additional scans etc - this really isn’t about your neighbour or your midwife, is it?

not sure why people are so adamant that at almost 20 weeks a pregnancy must be obvious.

I had next to no belly until 23/24 weeks and I am slim. Still wore my normal clothes. Didn't tell work until 20 weeks and noone guessed. And I don't think I am unusual.