Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely fuming at midwife re.breach of confidentiality?!?

418 replies

cheesepleez · 30/03/2019 20:06

We haven’t told anyone we are pregnant. Made a massive effort to keep it hidden until the 20 week scan which hasn’t happened yet. Found out our neighbour who we don’t get on with and who is also pregnant apparently knows we are expecting. As we haven’t told anyone, and I’m not even showing, I can only assume the community midwife has mentioned to this lady “your neighbour is pregnant too”.
To me this is a massive breach of confidentiality and we haven’t even told friends and family yet. It’s my flipping medical info. Am I BU?? Or should I be able to expect my midwife not to discuss other patients??

OP posts:
twocats335 · 31/03/2019 07:21

Maybe she was calling your bluff and she really didn't know but wanted to see what you'd say?

Fwiw, my boss knew about my colleague's early pregnancy before she'd told anyone as she said she looked blooming.

I really don't think your midwife would've said anything but you could just ask if it's really bothering you.

according · 31/03/2019 07:21

I love this thread.

sighrollseyes · 31/03/2019 07:28

You have no evidence!
I look forward to the day that someone accuses you of something that a) you may not have done and b) they have no evidence of. Sure you'll be back on here for another rant!

JontyDoggle37 · 31/03/2019 07:30

I knew our neighbour over the road was pregnant because I saw my midwife visiting her, in uniform. I didn’t say anything, because it wasn’t my place to, but I knew. I should expect she’s probably seen the midwife go in and out too.

Cecedrake8989 · 31/03/2019 07:30

You can't complain. What would you even complain about?! I think my midwife might have told someone I'm pregnant but I don't know what she said or when or to whom and nobody has confirmed that she said anything and this whole thing is sort of a guess?

I understand why you're upset, but she could have said something as innocent as "Lucky I've been to an appointment round here before or I'd not have found this place!" And nosy neighbour might have been trying to figure out if it was anyone she knew so just asking around/gossiping.

squeekums · 31/03/2019 07:33

I’m a midwife . Unless you are extremely overweight /obese then there’s no way that you’re not really showing by now

Bullshit
I know because I'm slim, petite, shop in the kids section for my own clothes. I'm tiny, 45kg
I didn't know I was pregnant until 27 weeks, no one did, no one hinted or guessed.
When I found out it was like being hit by a truck as NOTHING my body was doing suggested I was pregnant.
I still had a regular period, no growth in boobs, no pains, no sickness, no extra tired, no moody or teary stuff, was drinking, taking drugs, not eating for days, going on show rides that say don't go on while pregnant due to speed and g force, still working the show and festival run on a market stall. No abnormal reactions to ANYTHING I did. The 1 time I was sick it was food poisoning shared by several others as we ate from same take away place.
Not everyone follows the text book, a midwife should know that......

When I was in labour a midwife called a friend of mine to tell her I was in labour. I was ropeable, I had no knowledge, didn't want people knowing till after was all said and done. So I'm not shocked OP confirmed it was the MW. A title such as MW don't mean you abide by the rules

Congratulations and good luck OP, YNBU to be angry over this

RhiWrites · 31/03/2019 07:33

Why is everyone so keen yo excuse the midwife? Posts saying it’s not rational to suggest it was her boggle my mind. The midwife is a common link, it easily could be her.

OP, ask your midwife calmly if she told your neighbour you were pregnant and depending on what she says escalate a complaint.

TokyoSushi · 31/03/2019 07:34

This is one of the best threads in ages!

sighrollseyes · 31/03/2019 07:35

No one is excusing the midwife! They are saying there is no bloody evidence it was the midwife!

evaperonspoodle · 31/03/2019 07:51

Why is everyone so keen yo excuse the midwife? Posts saying it’s not rational to suggest it was her boggle my mind. The midwife is a common link, it easily could be her.

Yes it could be her, but is it rational that a MW tells every pregnant woman about other pregnant women in the vicinity? They aren't even neighbours! The OP has absolutely no proof either, so she is fuming at someone that she doesn't even know revealed her pregnancy.

SaskiaRembrandt · 31/03/2019 07:53

Haven't RTFT, just wanted to agree with a previous poster - you can tell if a woman is pregnant even before she has an obvious bump. I've guessed quite a few times before friends/acquaintances told me. But, if you're nearly 20 weeks, then yes you probably do have a bump even if it isn't massive.

SaskiaRembrandt · 31/03/2019 07:55

I didn't know community MWs did any home visits before baby birth. Are home visits a new thing?

I don't think so, they did them 20+ years ago when my children were born. It's mostly about introducing themselves I think.

SuddenlyISee · 31/03/2019 08:02

When my midwife phoned to book my 12 week scan, she also gave the name of another patient to book at the same time.
Also, I've recently spent a lot of time in EPU with my friend. We we were careful to hide but we saw loads of people we knew.

Rubberduckies · 31/03/2019 08:02

My neighbour congratulated me on my pregnancy. I don't expect anyone told her, but she guessed and obviously felt confident enough to say! She could have:

  • seen the midwive's car at my house
  • seen me at the hospital
  • seen the gp receptionist give me the MASSIVE maternity notes
  • seen me walking the dog slower than usual
  • noticed I look 'different'

Even if you're not showing a proper bump, people can and will guess. A person in my building (don't even know him well) guessed I was pregnant when I was 12/14 weeks or so. He said I looked like his wife did in early pregnancy. Another said they noticed my boobs far before any bump! I should think that by 19 weeks you have changed shape a bit, your face is probably slightly different, even if you don't have a proper bump.

Sorry you've had a tough time but fingers crossed it all goes well with this pregnancy!

NewPapaGuinea · 31/03/2019 08:06

Don’t Call the Midwife out on this.

flumpybear · 31/03/2019 08:29

Honestly I'd be surprised if it was your MW unless she spilled that your neighbour is pregnant to you. The NHS has seriously strict policies about privacy, it's a no brainier and if anything she was probably keen not to say anything lol!!

I'll bet she's just seen you somewhere, or perhaps saw the MW car go by and clocked it, and put two and two together

AnneEyhtMeyer · 31/03/2019 08:29

My midwife did a couple of home visits as my blood pressure was concerning.

sagradafamiliar · 31/03/2019 08:35

You're prepared to ruin her career over baseless allegations.

No she isn't. She really isn't. OP didn't mention complaining or reporting, it was posters like you saying things like this. OP addressed this in her last update: she is simply going to mention it to the midwife.

DailyMailSucksWails · 31/03/2019 08:36

4 pregnancies in 2 English counties: never had MW visit me at home before baby born. (They must not like me very much, boohoo)

troubleswillbeoutofsight · 31/03/2019 08:37

I agree with you OP. It's nobody else business whether you're pregnant and your midwife had absolutely no right to inform anyone else who she had visited in the nearby area. That could stir up all sorts of trouble and your midwife needs calling out on that.
For all anyone knows you could have had pregnancies where there had been congenital abnormalities or a still birth before, your husband could be infertile, you may be having an affair, you may be choosing to be a surrogate, you may be considering termination. It's health information which should be treated in the same way as if you had had a visit to an oncologist. I'm sure no-one on MN would like to be having a breast cancer consultation and for the consultant to announce that a woman from the same street had been in to see her......

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 31/03/2019 08:39

I guessed an acquaintance was pregnant because she was ‘liking’ some scan clinics on Facebook. I didn’t say anything and waited for the big announcement which came a few months later. It’s also possible she saw your name on the midwifes list of visits, it’s hard for her to keep that hidden whilst she’s filling in your information. FWIW, I also didn’t announce until 20 weeks with any of my pregnancies, and people had no idea so it’s easily possible to not show until then.

duplodancer · 31/03/2019 08:44

If the midwife did mention it she's done nothing wrong. Most people wouldn't assume it was something that needed to be hidden. So unless you told her it was a secret yabu.

MamaBear8686 · 31/03/2019 08:48

A friend of mine overheard a midwife talking on the phone to another patient during an appointment and due to the details discussed (address etc) she was able to work out who it was as she knew them. Midwives, receptionists and so on need to be careful what they are discussing within earshot of people.

NewSchoolNewName · 31/03/2019 08:51

If the midwife did mention it she's done nothing wrong. Most people wouldn't assume it was something that needed to be hidden. So unless you told her it was a secret yabu

Wrong, OP is the midwife’s patient and it would be a breach of patient confidentiality for the midwife to discuss OP with another patient without OPs consent. Patient confidentiality is taken seriously enough for the midwife to potentially lose her job over it if she had done that.

But OP has no evidence that’s how her neighbour found out, there’s other ways her neighbour might have guessed.

NoShoeShops · 31/03/2019 08:55

Just an update for you all who are having a right old go at me
1. I phoned my friend. You don’t need to know why she is friends with the nightmare neighbour, it’s complicated. I asked if the neighbour said how she knows. Community midwife had done home booking appointment in the last month and mentioned to neighbour she had been in the house up the road only a couple months ago.

From the OP.

Although she’s had a name change fail which is probably why no one’s read it.