DH wants our son to have his name spelt the Scandinavian way, AIBU to say no?

[rdud]

We have agreed on a name we like, but there is the common spelling in the UK and then alternative spellings for other cultures. There is a spelling that is common in Scandinavia and DH would like that spelling (originally for there) but I think it will just cause an issue. Baby will have a british surname as DH took mine (does not like his father) and so that's our family name and because of this he would like it to reflect his heritage. I'm still not convinced that is better for our son who will have to spell it out. AIBU?

Argh, there are several countries in Scandinavia. They don't have the same names, they speak different languagesand there is no particular "Scandinavian spelling"! What country is it? And what is the name?

We almost went with the German spelling of DS name but we have a German surname nobody can spell so we thought we should give the poor little bugger at least 1 name that he doesn’t have to spell out. Dd also has a name that nobody should be able to misspell- but it’s been known
As long as you don’t hate it and it isn’t impossible to spell I say go for it OP

I'd go for scandi spelling too.

My daughter has the dutch spelling of her name - a J instead of an I - it's not an issue, occasionally people get it wrong but it doesn't tend to bother her (only time I've heard her mention it was when her aunt put BOTH in there - and a Y for good measure)

I am Scandi and dh is British. I do get the issue but personally I would go with the Scandi spelling to reflect that heritage.

DS has a name that is said differently in my birth country and in English (different emphasis on the first part) It has never held him back he is ok with the 2 different ways to say it and replies to both.

DD3 has a Irish name she has to spell her name all the time despite it being a fairly well known name

Neither of them mind DD3 has also got a Middlename with a Danish letter in it so no one can spell it at all. She loves it says she likes the fact that no one else has that name.

So please do not think that your son will grow up minding this he may grow up and cherish it.

If your DH has strong emotional reasons for wanting a particular spelling, and your only misgiving is that it might sometimes be a bit annoying, go with your DH.

Our DD's middle name is spelt the way my DH wanted to spell it. He just liked the spelling but I really wanted it spelt another way, so that she would be named after my sister. I gave in, and I regret it. Obviously not enough to cause a marital rift, but it niggles me, and it's only her middle name. If you don't let him have his way, your DH will be niggled every time he has to say or write your DS's name.

The man has taken your last name so if he wants to spell a name according to his cultural background is that so bad?

"He just liked the spelling but I really wanted it spelt another way, so that she would be named after my sister."

WTF! I would have put my foot down on that.

Let me guess... your DD has her father's surname, too?

I have a Scandinavian spelling of my name instead of the usual spelling. If I'm giving my name I've just got used to spelling it too. So it goes can I take your name, yes its Kiki K-i-k-i. I would only say no if your adding loads of letters that are silent or something.

I'm with your DH on this. There's nothing really wrong with having alternate spellings - DH's name has 2 commonly used spellings, DS's has 3, and mine has approximately 1,000,000! You just get used to saying "[name] with a *" or "[name] spelt xyz".

teach dc military phonetic alphabet early :) he will need to use it - seriously there are many different versions of "british" (??!!!) names & different pronunciation for same spelling due to the fact our names (words) come from our complex historic invasions & mutations & adaptions of our language. (ps I have to spell my name out & its a standard name) so they dc will learn early how to spell his name & is more likely to have it remembered! Your dh has taken your surname name after all. (ps by the time ds has reached high school he will have a nickname which will have no bearing or relationship to his given name anyway!)

Based on reflecting your partner's culture, no. He's got his own name for that. Your son will have his own identity, I would choose the name based on where he will be spending most of his time and the likelihood of the spelling causing him endless problems (like mine does).

@AnotherEmma
"WTF! angry I would have put my foot down on that."

It's very sweet of you to be outraged on my behalf, but as I said it's just a niggle.

I have a name like this and I will tell you it is an ice breaker/conversation starter for me. A lot of people ask, and say "...really with a K? Is that because you/your family are from __ ?" It's never been seen as a negative by other people.

I also get my name misspelled often, like if I go to Starbucks. I kind of adore the way it is spelled now and I also wanted to give my children more foreign sounding first names although my husband vetoed this. Looking back, I wish I did give my children names that are a little less boring and more of a conversation starter for them.

Either way it will be fine, and if the name is Henrik then I absolutely love that name and would use it

OP, perhaps a suitable compromise might be an English middle name. I’m British, DH Scandinavian and our DC has a very ancient scandi name, and totally ordinary English middle name. We spend our lives spelling them all out on the occasions that her full name is required.

I've spent my whole life spelling out my name. Everyone still gets it wrong,...but its never been a big deal to me. Im proud of my name and it has never bothered me to say my name proceeded by saying 'spelled X Y Z'. So what? Why are those extra seconds such a big deal?!

Go for the Scandinavian spelling. I think it would be lovely.

I have a fairly normal name and people still spell it wrong all the time, and it's the British / most common version of it!

I personally don't think it matters and would be nice since DH took your name and its for an actual reason, not just to be different.

But ultimately its up to you two.

Even if it's spelled the normal way, it could still represent DHs heritage as its still a version of his name, and as a family you will know that, and at the end of the day that's all that matters. Does it matter to you that other people get to know this when they spell his name?

An old friend, born in UK, was named Stefan as his father was Dutch. He hated the odd spelling so always said his name was Steve. Not Steven or Stephen but Steve.

Your DH should be thinking about his DC, not about himself and his ego.

i dont have that an unsual name but i still hav to spell it out to people every single day

you'll find everyone spells out their name espe on tlephone calls even if its mary

As someone with an Irish name not living in Ireland, I say go for it.

Don't be tempted to go against your DH's wishes in order to make allowances for other people's stupidity or ishoos with forrin names.

Your DH should be thinking about his DC, not about himself and his ego.

There's quite a few posters here with Scandinavian spelling names who've said they don't mind 🙄. Besides it's quite a good thing to have your heritage reflected in your name. There's also no telling whether your child will like their name or not - some people hate how "normal" their names are. So go ahead and please yourselves.

Our son has a Gaelic name with an unusual spelling. It has to be spelled out each time but I love it so much I don't mind. I hope he loves it too, but we have him a very traditional middle name in case he ever wants to use that instead.

And I have a very traditional first name, and a very short last name, and I still have to spell it out every time. You can't guarantee anything.

I have spent my whole life spelling my names, even with my very simple surname now I have to do it all the time. I'd go for your husbands choice of spelling the name.

Sagradafamiliar the parents have no way of knowing where the DS will spend most of his time throughout his life.

When I was born, in Ireland, my parents gave me an Irish name that nobody in Ireland would ever mispronounce or misspell. Yet here I am in a place where my name is mangled daily.

There is a fairly high chance that the DS in this case may spend the majority of his life in Scandinavia as an adult so the name wouldn't be a problem at all.

My surname is danish and while yes it is a pain as everyone assumes it's spelt the English way, I wouldn't change it