DH wants our son to have his name spelt the Scandinavian way, AIBU to say no?

[rdud]

We have agreed on a name we like, but there is the common spelling in the UK and then alternative spellings for other cultures. There is a spelling that is common in Scandinavia and DH would like that spelling (originally for there) but I think it will just cause an issue. Baby will have a british surname as DH took mine (does not like his father) and so that's our family name and because of this he would like it to reflect his heritage. I'm still not convinced that is better for our son who will have to spell it out. AIBU?

@Blahdeblahbahhhhh but a lot of people are - switch your telly on and look at them marching on Parliament tonight. I live in an area where East Europeans are widely disliked, distrusted and thought of as opportunist thieves with a penchant for a bit of wife beating.

*not MY opinion

Will he speak your husband's language? I find that if they do, it makes the different spelling more 'ok' than if not (thinking of the Oles named after Solskjaer that are pronounced incorrectly and they don’t speak the language).

I'd go with the Scandinavian spelling as it reflects heritage and baby will have your surname. A lot of people are familiar with difference in name spelling across cultures so I don't think it would be a huge issue.

Welsh names in Wales can cause plenty of confusion, and I'm not even going to start on Irish name spelling, so I wouldn't worry too much a minor variation of a common name.

"Your husband is already living here and his children are being brought up in the U.K."

That's his choice though-& to give up his surname.

It's a shame that you couldn't find a Scandinavian name that you both like.

Lots of examples of uk names spelt correctly but differently. I.e. Susanna/susannah/Suzanna. People cope. It doesn’t really take that much effort to spell a name out.

I know an Aleksandr, he has a Scottish surname but his mother is Rissianso wanted to reflect that. My father had a very common name which is always spelled a particular way but his father couldn’t spell it so registered his name minus the double letter. He always had to say ‘x’with jusytone ‘s’ . My married name is super common but starts Mc and I have to clarify that it’s not Mac

Without telling people the actual name, you're going to get everyone agreeing with your DH, so a bit of a pointless exercise.

No-one can judge without knowing the name in question.

Same situation here. Went with the English version because the Scandinavian spelling made the pronunciation harsh. However, second baby we will spell the Scandinavian way as the name in mind doesn’t change pronunciation. So depends on that IMO

I live in the UK, my DD has an Irish first name as my husband was quite insistent that she have his last name,and not my double barrelled married name, and I wanted something that showed off my heritage just like your DH.
My daughter is called Aoife, yes she has to spell it occasionally and she has to repeat it/correct people when the mispronounce but my name was fairly common growing up and I had the same thing (think Laura pronounce L-ow-ra or spelt Lora) so I don’t see the issue. Plus she soaked it in every time I had to correct anyone or spell it so much that she could recite her full name and spell her first name back to you by the time she was 18mths. She was also the first one in her nursery class to be able to identify her name written down, again I put that down to the above.

I would go with dh. I like Celtic names which can vary in spelling. Moira is the Scottish version while Maura is the Irish. Michael is often spelt as Micheal

My name is a similar one which is often misspelt depending on which version you use.

I'm with your dh too. I've got a common name which has a few possible spellings and it's not one of the more common ones. Never been an issue, you just get used to spelling it out to people. I actually only realised, when I saw my name mentioned on this thread, that it's something I've done all my life - I honestly don't even register it

We sort of did this, in reverse (dh's surname, English variant of name) with one of our dc (the others have international names with no known variants - and people still manage to spell them wrong). I say 'sort of' because it's not completely the same name, but very close. The pronunciation is reasonably intuitive so it's not a problem.

YABU - isn't this part of the glory and enjoyment of multicultural life?

I think it would be nice for your baby's name to reflect its heritage. It can be annoying when people mispronounce or misspell your name, but it's not the end of the world.

It is hard to agree though! I have a Scandinavian husband too. My DD's name has a Scandi 'j' so it makes a 'y' sound in English. I had wanted an 'i' instead which is how it would be spelled in my first language!

My mum's name is the gaelic version of a relatively common name in her generation (and is from a gaelic speaking family). She does have to tell people how to spell her name (or pronounce it if they see it written) but doesn't find it particularly onerous or annoying.

I think it may be nice to reflect your DH's heritage in some way and probably couldn't get upset about it.

I was given a Danish first name at a time when it was more unusual, and learned early on to correct the spelling (even, on one occasion, arguing the odds with a school teacher; I was a pretty assertive 6 year-old) but it never bothered me, and as my teaching career moved on (in London), I learned to take a much wider variety of names in my stride, as does anybody who lives in a large city! I was proud of my Danish namesake, and I hope your son would be similarly proud to have a name which reflected his Daddy's heritage.
As long as there are no unfortunate connotations, I'd go for it - some names do not translate well, (Harshit got a lot of teasing, for example) but a slightly quirky spelling will barely raise an eyebrow.

I say go for the scandi spelling.
Although i want to call my kid a old norse name so...

I agree with your DH the baby should have the Scandinavian version. I know my name in my Spanish is Catalina or Cata which makes my name sound much nicer than it actually is.

Use the Scandinavian version. We did. It hasn’t caused any problems and is usually a conversation starter because I say that we use the Scandinavian spelling.

I have friends with a son called Tomos (the Welsh spelling) and teach a girl called Sofie whose mother is German. Neither seem to cause problems and it would be nice for your husband to have a Scandinavian name.

"Will he speak your husband's language? I find that if they do, it makes the different spelling more 'ok' than if not"

Good point; I agree

Given some of the frankly bonkers names some kids are given, something relatively conventional with an alternative spelling seems pretty small fry.

I would go with DH in this one, I think it's nice to have a bit of heritage in children's name if possible and they do have your surname.

Most kids of Irish extraction who are given Irish names don't speak the language. It's fine.