DH wants our son to have his name spelt the Scandinavian way, AIBU to say no?

[rdud]

We have agreed on a name we like, but there is the common spelling in the UK and then alternative spellings for other cultures. There is a spelling that is common in Scandinavia and DH would like that spelling (originally for there) but I think it will just cause an issue. Baby will have a british surname as DH took mine (does not like his father) and so that's our family name and because of this he would like it to reflect his heritage. I'm still not convinced that is better for our son who will have to spell it out. AIBU?

I have a very normal English name. It gets mis-spelt a lot more than you’d think! There are just always ignorant people who don’t question the spelling - a few people I work with reply to emails spelling the senders name wrong!!
So I think it would be nice for your husband to have a bit of his heritage in his name. But wait until he’s born he may feel like a different name

YABU and YABU again for not revealing the actual name

I agree with you DH and think it's nice to have his heritage represented in the spelling.
Even with the most normal names there's different spellings.
People learn quickly how they're pronounced when you meet people.
Just go with it

Just off the top of my head, I know an Aleksandr, a Lijsbeth, a Viktor, and a Maja, and they don't seem to have any more issues with their name than someone named Catherine/Katherine/Catharine/Katharine!

Loads of English names have more than one spelling - mine included. It's pretty standard to have to clarify which version you use.
I'm Rachel. Mildly irritated by Rachael, but not life alteringly so, and definitely not enough to offend my father over.

I'm with your DH on this one.

Without the name its hard to actually know

Where do you live, OP?

Honestly if you saw the list from my DC's London school classes, there are Polish, Indian, Vietnamese, Dutch, 'Traditional UK', 'Yoonique' - no one would bat an eyelid at a Scandi spelling.

They are as used to selling and pronouncing Thomas as Tomasz amongst Aleksanders as having a friend called Ngoc or Tossein, and so on.

I mean....if you were to say what the name is it would make life a lot easier for anyone to reply.

But based on what you've said, YABU. He took your last name and personally I would welcome his heritage being celebrated, it's nice for him. Just like my DH is letting me use a middle name which is important to me despite the fact it's not a great name in itself.

An example is Joseph / Josef

I thought in this example it would be pronounced yo-sef but if not and it's just a difference between a ph and an f, then I'd say that's fine. No different to Stephen and Steven in this language.

I don’t see how it’s different to the many traditional British names which have established alternative spellings: Katherine/Catherine/Cathryn; Isabelle/Isobel; Claire/Clare and so on. Britain is a very multicultural country and encountering names you have to quickly check the spelling of is hardly unusual nowadays.

I’m with DH. He has taken your surname, you both like the name but spelling it his way would be a nice way to celebrate his heritage.

I'd just feel so annoyed if I was living in my partner's country, giving my child his surname and he was humming and hawing about agreeing to us using my culture's version of our preferred first name.

I'm also in agreement with your DH. It's a really good way of including his birthplace and heritage in your dc's name given the fact the surname is yours.

Nils seems to fairly popular in the UK.

I think yabu
josef/joseph
christoph/kristof
etc
are valid spellings of the name. dc will learn to spell it just fine and they are not really that exotic and unusual.

Yes I would use the scandi spelling.

I have a very common English first name, which can be spelled many ways, so I always spell that.

I have a foreign surname, which wouldn't be spelled in English how it is pronounced, I always have to spell that.

My partner has an English surname, he always has to spell that..

I think that saying someone will have to spend their life spelling their name is no reason not to spell it a different way - and I like the nod to another culture.

If you and DH are planning to stay in the UK for most/all of the next 18 years, I think you should use the British spelling. (If you might move to his country there would be an argument for using the Scandinavian spelling.) However, you should choose a middle name that reflects DH's heritage, maybe his mother's maiden name, his own middle name or another name from his side of the family. And obviously the original spelling.

I'm guessing Thomas/Tomas - if you have Scandinavian heritage then use that otherwise it's probably better to use the English spelling

I have a non-English name which I always have to spell out to people. I don't mind this and I prefer it to having an English name like my siblings, as I like feeling more connected to the country my mum is from.

I’ve been spelling my name out all my life. It’s really not a problem, and I’m quite irritable

" there is the common spelling in the UK and then alternative spellings for other cultures"
So if the name exists in multiple cultures, it's a fairly common-ish name then? So going with the Scandinavian spelling variation doesn't make it outlandish, just a little less 'common'.

I'd go with it. I think it's nice, that his dad's culture gets a nod in its direction.

So yes - YABU.

If the pronunciation is largely the same and it's only a small change in spelling I think it's fine to use. I'd agree with others thought that i'd avoid anything with æ, å or ø

I agree with your dh.

YABU

Definitely.

Pandaren, you forgot Cathryn and Kathryn.

I’m with your husband on this. It would be nice for his dual heritage to be marked. It’s not the same as having a kilee or Leesa for the sake of it. It’s the way that it’s spelt in the other culture that he will be part of.