To beg you all to quit moaning about Mothering Sunday

[NorthernLurker]

Every bloody year it's the same - women moaning about not getting anything, moaning about men not doing enough, not doing the right thing.......
Then there's the complaints about the mil wanting some, any, recognition of herself as a mother when madam mumsnetter has given the world the great gift of her bawling infant and thus the day is all about her now and mil can go rot.

The threads have started already and it's SO TEDIOUS.

How about if we are fortunate enough to have our kids alive and well and for a bonus our mums too we just decide that's enough and pack in the moaning. Instead giving our energy to supporting parents without children, children without parents and those who are like mothers to us?

This - absolutely!!

I hate mother’s day for various reasons. Why shouldn’t I express that?

I’m trying my best to ignore the moaning threads, we have lost sight of the day and expect too much.

I lost my mum two years ago and just want it by with. I just want my kids to give me a card and a cup of coffee then proceed as normal.

And don’t get me started about the outpouring on fb!

Nope. It's my party and I'll moan if I want to....

Agreed.
Mother’s Day has morphed into a ridiculous performance
Cup of tea and toast in bed and a hand made card should suffice.

Interesting. You're very concerned about MIL's - what about Mums' of Mums?

How about men honouring their mothers as well as the mothers of their children? I don't do anything for my MIL bar remind DH of the date - for the very, very, simple reason - she's not my mother. He's the one that owes fealty - not me.

Huge disappointment comes from huge expectations. It's so self indulgent.

A ((hug)) for you Nicknacky. Hope the day passes easily.

While I don’t think mother’sday Should be cancelled as someone suggested somewhere else, I do think that it’s generally just another Hallmark holiday as a general rule.

This year my dc’s cousins lost their mum and their granny conversely lost her daughter, so there are far more important things in the world in the scheme of things.

And let’s face it women seem to love an excuse for a bit of mil bashing and this gives them the perfect opportunity. I do wonder how some of these DIL’s are going to manage when their sons grow up and they become the mil.

For some people though Mother's Day shines as uncomfortable spotlight on areas of their life they're not happy with such as their demanding MIL, their lazy DH, or their unappreciative children. Why shouldn't they be allowed to complain about it?

DH doesn't have a relationship with his mother and is NC, he finds Mother's Day difficult due to the constant rhetoric of "appreciate your mum, you only get one/aren't mums great/no one loves you like your mum does", etc and various flying monkeys getting in contact to apply the pressure about how it would be the ideal day to reconcile and the perfect Mother's Day gift would be him going to visit her.

Northern Thank you. I’m actually late shift Saturday and Sunday so it will be a short day thankfully. It’s her birthday tomorrow too which doesn’t help!

I meant mil getting some attention from her son as opposed to Madam Mumsnetter consuming it all because their baby is about 20 minutes old and she requires all his attention on her because SHE'S A MOTHER NOW.

Absolutely agree OP yanbu. At all.

Oooh, you really have the rage on don't you?! Alternatively, mumsnetter has just had her baby, is having her very first Mothers Day, and MIL has had 20-40 odd of them, so perhaps could be a little bit understanding of how special it is to have that first Mothers Day? Or is it just a little bit too hard having to abdicate her place in the sun?

I wonder how MIL felt when she was a new Mum, and her DH was being forced to give fealty to MIL rather than showing his appreciation of her as the mother of his new baby?

Nicknacky - sounds like a tough weekend for you that's the trouble with March birthdays, always the potential for a double whammy unfortunately. I guess her star sign is Aries then? Like me

It’s about societal expectation though isn’t it? Much as valentines is and people talking about how hard valentines is because they’re single and so on when actually valentines is just an excuse for the shops to hike up their prices and sell a load of tat that no-one would give house room the rest of the year.

In an ideal world people would appreciate their mothers all year round, not just because the day of the year says they should. So if someone is e.g. NC with their mother for valid reasons then society shouldn’t view a day of the year to be the time to build that bridge when it wouldn’t be relevant on any other day.

Similarly society shouldn’t have expectations around the day when someone might have lost their mum and not want to be reminded that they should be buying a card or flowers or paying for lunch out.

People moan about Mother’s Day.

Then people moan about people moaning about Mother’s Day.

Soon people will moan about people moaning about people moaning about Mother’s Day.

Ah but on that first Mother’s Day it’s not the baby showing the appreciation is it? I assume that all these posters getting annoyed at men daring to spend time with their mothers on Mother’s Day also don’t spend time with their own fathers on Father’s Day because it’s dh’s day now?

I got a massage yesterday and the practitioner asked me 'doing anything nice for mother's Day?'.

How do you say no, my mother's a bitch and I've not been lucky enough to have kids?

I just said no and she spent twenty minute warbling on about buying her mum a coffee maker. Fair put a damper on the experience I can tell you!

I think people shoukd be able to moan about whatever they want to moan about

Personally ive always have a lovely mothers day...but that could change

I certainly won't be here moaning but some women have to paste a smile on their face and make the most of the day

Having a moan on here will be the closest thing they get get to being able to vent...to anyone

What pissed me off last year was me saying to dh

'How are we going to manage fathers day this year...splitting the day in two'

Dh said ' its my day im spending it at home...i dont want to see my dad or yours'

I said ' are you fucking kidding me...ive spent the last 17 years at your mums house for mothers day!!!! Are you taking the piss!!!'

fun times

I lost my ma a few months ago. Well actually she died (sorry but don’t know why I went all coy there). This Sunday will be hard but bloody hell how lovely to think of everyone who has good relationships, loves their mum and can acknowledge that.
Sorry to all who don’t have great relationships andnor like me who have lost loved ones.

I’m lucky that my mum has never been bothered about “Mothering Sunday” she’s so laid back and would be happy with a card and a phone call. I’m the same and actually find it all a bit ridiculous.

YANBU, totally agree with you OP.