To beg you all to quit moaning about Mothering Sunday

[NorthernLurker]

Every bloody year it's the same - women moaning about not getting anything, moaning about men not doing enough, not doing the right thing.......
Then there's the complaints about the mil wanting some, any, recognition of herself as a mother when madam mumsnetter has given the world the great gift of her bawling infant and thus the day is all about her now and mil can go rot.

The threads have started already and it's SO TEDIOUS.

How about if we are fortunate enough to have our kids alive and well and for a bonus our mums too we just decide that's enough and pack in the moaning. Instead giving our energy to supporting parents without children, children without parents and those who are like mothers to us?

[Vulpine]

Jeez op let's just cancel AIBU altogether shall we?

[nutsfornutella]

On MN there's lots of women who aren't mums but deserve recognition on Mothering Sunday- stepmums and grandparents in particular seem to do an awful lot of childcare.

[Vulpine]

Am I allowed to moan about people moaning about people moaning about mothers day.

[Nuttyaboutnutella]

I love my mum and at times, she can be great, but other times she can be overbearing and selfish. She likes a bit of fuss, going out for a meal, specifying which handbag and matching purse she would like,etc. We've always gone along with it to amuse her and she can be incredibly generous and kind to a fault in her ways. However, she ruined my first Mothers Day, made it all about her and the importance as her first one as a Nan etc. Bearing in mind, my son was less than 3 weeks old, he'd been in SCBU for the first week of his life, I was an emotional mess, my son has colic, trying to establish breastfeeding, leaking and bleeding. As usual, we all went out for a meal, a little family drama as usual and all that shit.

Can't remember last year.

This year, I put my foot down slightly and explained I wanted a low key day as I'm also heavily pregnant. I don't want the stress of getting us all ready and Rushing around to go out for meal whereby guaranteed too much will be drunk and people will start sniping.

All I want is a lie in, a cup of tea and pancakes in bed, a card from DS and go for a walk if it's nice. Oh, a quick meal from M&S so we don't have to cook We will see my mum at some point in the day, but I'm making it more about me for a change.

On the other hand, MIL is ace! We won't see her on the day as she's away with FIL but is more than happy with a card and a phone call (they live 2 hours away).

[manicinsomniac]

I don't know if YABU but I'm surprised by how many people get or expect to get things on their first few mothers' days.

It may be because we never 'did' mothers' day beyond cards and flowers at church when I was young and I'm now a single parent so I haven't seen husbands doing it, but I thought mothers' day was children celebrating mothers. Which babies and toddlers can't do. I got my first mothers' day celebration when my oldest was 5ish and old enough to remember and do it. Before that they were too young and I just acknowledged my own mother.

It never occurred to me that husbands would celebrate their wives. I thought they would concentrate on their own mothers. I thought mothers' day was the responsibility of children who are old enough and adult children.

[malificent7]

I roll my eyes when it comes to mother's day, valentine's day and even my birthday. Wish i could do the same for Christmas too!

[Sitdownstandup]

Give over OP.

[totallywired]

I'm not that fussed about mother's day, but just to be contrary I have decided I am going to go ahead and moan about not only mother's day but mil on mother's day. Last mother's day mil gave me the gift of a blemish concealer stick (in the wrong skin tone!) Who wouldn't feel there was a slight implied criticism in that particular gift!!

Seriously though I'm amazed by the moaning that goes on on MN after mother's day and Christmas. I'm not really annoyed about the blemish stick, just faintly put out...

[ZeroFuchsGiven]

@totallywired Why did your MIL buy you a gift for MD?

[totallywired]

She's actually very generous ZeroFuchsGiven I certainly don't want or expect an MD present from her.

[NorthernLurker]

HeathRobinson my kids are great but in the last few years I've seen friends parenting adults deal with everything from job stress to relationship breakdown and abuse to infertility to serious mental health issues and suicide. Do you seriously think parenting somebody who won't shut up, somebody who draws on the walls and somebody who poos 18 times a day and only eats food that's beige is harder than that. I'll accept both stages are hard in different ways but when parenting under fives you aren't dealing with the fear that they might walk out the door and never come back and you are pretty much in total control of the influences on their lives.

[myidentitymycrisis]

I never bothered about mothers day until my son was old enough to understand it and conscious of it through nursery and they would make cards and send them home. It became relevant when he wanted to do something and now its nice that he recognises it without a prompt (from me) and takes me out for lunch.

I'm NC with my mother and never had a MIL so I consider myself well out of it.

[ssd]

Best thread ever

I totally agree with you op

[Jakesmumandbump]

I don’t need congratulating, rewarding or to be made a fuss of on Mother’s Day or any other day. I consider myself blessed to BE a mother. I lost my mum 10 years ago and still feel a pang of pain when I spot Mothers Day cards in the shops but very quickly, I remind myself how lucky I am that my mother raised me to be humble and grateful for the things that actually matter in life.

Therefore, I very much applaud the OP.

[UnrelentingFruitScoffer]

Moan away. Everybody is entitled to their point of view. However, I think Mothering Sunday is nice. Happy, low-key but makes the point that all Mums everywhere should be appreciated for what they do.

[ssd]

I've lost my mum too, I'd love to be able to celebrate mother's day with her but I'm grateful I could for years previously.
Dh and the dcs will ask me what I want, there won't be big surprises or grand gestures.
I appreciate I'm lucky to gave a good Dh and dcs.
I know by being here years a lot of women aren't so lucky and I'm sorry for them.
But I also know a lot of women behave like princesses and expect the world to revolve around their every whim. Its these posts that are a pain in the arse every mothers day, about how Dh isn't a mind reader and didn't get them anything they wanted, how Dh dares to want to see his mum on mother's day, how the day doesn't go exactly as they want.
If you get a card and a box of chocs or a bunch of flowers from your kids or hubby trying their best, just say thanks and have a nice day. If you are totally forgotten stick up for yourself and ask why.

[DIZZYTIGGER87]

I don't really get the hype. My brother and I used to take it in turns to cook for mum, and MIL has been invited pretty much since DH and I got together. They will each get a card, and DH will get me one (DS only 20 months, when he's older DH said he will make one with him).

I will make cards for MIL and DM with DS, because actually they do a lot for us, and helped/help alot with DS.

I read some of the other threads and had to wonder if I was doing something wrong, MIL may annoy me at times (as does DM) however she raised the man I love, and although constrained by health issues, she is as much a part of the family as my parents are.

This year DH decided we were going out, just the three of us, to Trago (if you are not familiar, think range X IKEA for a lot less - South West style where everything is done drekley and you queue forever at tills). Not my first choice, However I don't have to cook, and there's a nice walk nearby so it will do me.

[MeteorGarden92]

I don’t get the ‘its my first Mother’s Day so it should be made special by my DH’ attitude.

🤔 You’re not HIS mother 😂😂 so I mean yes he can go out and get you a card/gifts and make a fuss but it defeats the entire point of Mother’s Day (children showing their appreciation for their mothers).

Whenever I see ‘look what my 3 day old baby got me for mother’s day’ I just think 🤔 not really though, it’s just your DH validating your vagina with crap they bought from the local petrol station isn’t it?

[Sirzy]

Ds came home with a card for me made in school. “Not a mother’s day card just a card to say I love you” much more than I expected and I am very happy with it!

[Stinkycatbreath]

I love way some parents think that their kids are Gods gift to everybody. Seriously all kids are just as valuable as the next. Does my fruit in.

[mbosnz]

I don't get that whole 'parenting adults' (NT adults that is) thing. Surely the point of being adults is that you deal with that shit yourselves? Your parents might support you - but they shouldn't be feeling they have to 'parent' you through the (undoubtedly stressful and difficult to deal with though they are) realities of adult life.

[Figgygal]

I'm with you I'll be happy with a card it's a hallmark holiday And don't get the fuss

[Hersheys]

The MIL has had her time with little ones when their kids were young. A card for them should suffice, it's the ones with young kids that should be the main focus IMO

[DizzyPhillips]

People are definitely overthinking this.

DH arranges for our kids to have cards and a little present for me. DH also arranges a card for his own mum. I arrange a card for my mum.

We may go out for lunch if we really go for it.

I genuinely don’t understand the issue?

[Vulpine]

I'm very much looking forward to mothers day. Love it with bells on.