To beg you all to quit moaning about Mothering Sunday

[NorthernLurker]

Every bloody year it's the same - women moaning about not getting anything, moaning about men not doing enough, not doing the right thing.......
Then there's the complaints about the mil wanting some, any, recognition of herself as a mother when madam mumsnetter has given the world the great gift of her bawling infant and thus the day is all about her now and mil can go rot.

The threads have started already and it's SO TEDIOUS.

How about if we are fortunate enough to have our kids alive and well and for a bonus our mums too we just decide that's enough and pack in the moaning. Instead giving our energy to supporting parents without children, children without parents and those who are like mothers to us?

[Schuyler]

YABU, I don’t mind Mother’s Day. I have a lovely mum and we are all very low key in my family but I recognise some people are desperately unhappy in their lives and this day magnifies it for them.

[Hotterthanahotthing]

What I used to hate about mother's Day was my ex going to see his mother,7hour round trip and taking my DD with him.
Nowadays it is breakfast in bed from DD and regular cups of tea at weekendsNo complaints.

[CheshireChat]

I think it depends- is the poster moaning she got the wrong colour pony?

Or is she complaining that yet again she's supposed to put herself last?

[NorthernLurker]

Sorry to hear about your mum dying Heronlanyon. Hope you get through the day ok.

[ZippyBungleandGeorge]

I started a thread asking how people manage logistics/practicalities when they are a mother and still take into account DM and MIL, if I didn't want to cook for everyone again this year like I usually do, as it's my first as a mother myself (4 month old) and frankly I'm too tired to cater for ten again. I had lots of helpful friendly advice about how to help everyone feel included without it being to my own detriment. It was a very pleasant mothering Sunday thread.

[2018SoFarSoGreat]

This year I just want it gone. Lost my lovely mum two months ago and this is unbearable, but we have to get through it.

[WFTisgoingoninmyhead]

I don't do anything for my MIL bar remind DH of the date - for the very, very, simple reason - she's not my mother. He's the one that owes fealty - not me.

Then I too hope you don’t expect him to do anything but remind your DC of the date. From the outpouring on here over the past few days I bet not, I don’t think DH’s can do right for doing wrong on Sunday.

[puppy23]

This. I ended up a bloody sobbing mess last year on mothers day when customers and staff kept asking if I was spoiling my mum today. No. She's a horrible, abusive woman who has thankfully been out of my life for over two years now. This coupled with it being the first since losing my beloved grandma (and people were buying her favourite flowers) was enough to send me over the edge.

[Princessmushroom]

You’re literally on a forum called ‘mumsnet’, I think you need to check yourself.

I say that as a childless married woman who lost her mother as a teenager. It’s a bloody hard day for me but manage your expectations on MUMSnet

[sleepylittlebunnies]

We’ve always been quite low key with Mothering Sunday. As young kids we’d made cards at school and went to church in the morning and the vicar gave us a posy of Daffs each to give to our mums. As we got older we still made cards but made breakfast in bed or a special tea. Gifts have always been a token of appreciation rather than elaborate. We’ve never done meals out on parent’s days or Valentines as the busyness doesn’t appeal at all.

I don’t even know what DH did for MIL growing up but I do buy her card and choose nice words which she likes where as DH would just buy the biggest card.

We don’t even necessarily see our mums on the day if we or they have other plans, but we all live locally and see each other a couple of times a week anyway.

I’m happy with the cards my DC make at school and whatever they come up with. As long as I get some sleep as I’m working Saturday night shift.

[Hotpinkangel19]

I lost both my parents within 11 weeks of each other in 2017 when I was pregnant so tbh Mother's Day isn't something I look forward to now, more like just something I do for my children and MIL. But if I don't want to see people discussing/moaning about it, I'd just come off SM on the lead up to it.

[Fluffyears]

Its made up it actually has nothing to do with mother’s or ‘mothering’ whatever the fuck mothering is! The origin is that one a year you wenthone to your mother church for the Sunday service. Shite all to do with‘celebrating Mothers’ Hall mark holiday right enough!

[Fluffyears]

History of Mothering Sunday

Most Sundays in the year churchgoers in England worship at their nearest parish or 'daughter church'.

Centuries ago it was considered important for people to return to their home or 'mother' church once a year. So each year in the middle of Lent, everyone would visit their 'mother' church - the main church or cathedral of the area.

Inevitably the return to the 'mother' church became an occasion for family reunions when children who were working away returned home. (It was quite common in those days for children to leave home for work once they were ten years old.)

And most historians think that it was the return to the 'Mother' church which led to the tradition of children, particularly those working as domestic servants, or as apprentices, being given the day off to visit their mother and family.

As they walked along the country lanes, children would pick wild flowers or violets to take to church or give to their mother as a small gift.

[bert3400]

Well said OP, as a mother to four sons , I expect piss all ...but that's fine . They are all healthy, happy and alive. Both DM & DSMIL are healthy, unfortunately we lost my beautiful caring DMIL 10 years ago . She is sadly missed . I'm thankful that I see the sun rise and the sun set for another day 😁

[Orangeballon]

I go out for my lunch most Sundays, apart from Mother’s Day of course because you can never get a bloody table so will be entertaining at home. Don’t do Mother’s Day . Lol. Just another day for emotional blackmail.

[KathyS901]

People moan about mother's Day just as they moan about New Year's, Christmas, birthdays ... It's about people having expectations and potentially feeling let down or unappreciated. As much as I think it's stupid for people to get so carried away and emotionally involved in made-up days, I also think that everyone has a right to their feelings, and everyone's problems are valid - it's not a competition to see who has worse problems or a case or 'my situation is worse than yours so your problem doesn't matter!' So yeah, it's sad that some people have lost their mothers, for example, and they have my full sympathy, but it doesn't mean that someone who gets nothing for Mother's Day and feels really disappointed is being unreasonable for having those thoughts or emotions. Please try to be more kind and understanding.

[BrendasUmbrella]

How about if we are fortunate enough to have our kids alive and well and for a bonus our mums too we just decide that's enough and pack in the moaning.

Absolutely fine. As long as the same applies to the husbands/partners, and the present buying aged kids. What I don't like is seeing all the disappointed threads every year from women who do everything for their families - including making sure all their relevant days are celebrated every year - who were hoping for a token of appreciation on Mother's day which didn't come. That's not moaning.

[BrendasUmbrella]

Its made up it actually has nothing to do with mother’s or ‘mothering’ whatever the fuck mothering is!

All holidays are made up.

[RevokeRemainRebuild]

Hear heat, OP! I'm going to hide every bloody Mother's Day thread (except this one!)

[Seniorschoolmum]

YAnbu. People do seem to make a huge fuss about it. All those days out, big presents, overblown expectations. It spoils the whole thing.

This year my ds is old enough to use the toaster so I’ll have griddle cakes, maple syrup & berries (which I’ll remember to get from Tesco) brought to me in bed - but I’ll have to get my own coffee.

I used to get my mum daffodils that I’d pinched picked from the field opposite.

[HeathRobinson]

Ooh Northern, YABU.

For me, Mothering Sunday is about active mothers. So yes, the mumsnetter with a demanding newborn should be prioritised over the mumnetter's mother or mil. Hell, yes.

[NicksWife08]

I hate mother's day, it makes me feel sick with the stress. All my childhood, teenage years and up until my mid twenties were making sure we got mother's day right, the right card with the right amount of words in, the right expensive gift or gifts and spending the whole day with her. My mother was a narcissistic cow at the best of times. I've been no contact with her now for almost 5 years and yet still I somehow feel consumed with guilt on mother's day.
I have my own children, they make me cards, DH asks what I would like for mother's day every year, I don't want anything, I hate this day and I don't want my children to ever feel like they owe me or have this huge pressure to get a sodding day right.

[nutsfornutella]

Ffs. This is MUMSnet.

I think most of the moaning comes from the fact that women make the effort of Father's Day and that men should be returning that favour on Mother's Day so that kids understand that both parents are equally special. I'm split from my children's father but I make sure that they visit with cards and gifts on Father's Day. He only facilitated Mother's Day when we were together. I'm happy with a 29p card from Card Factory and some Haribo and he's on a six-figure salary so it's not a money thing.

The other types of moans stem from the fact that MILs and mums forgetting that there is another mum who also needs celebrating. The younger mum ends up cooking for the older ones when perhaps the husbands/male partners/sons/single daughters could cook? Being a mum for 30 years doesn't trump being a mum for 1 year.

I have no relationship with my mum and I'm single so no MIL in my life. There's lots of events that do not interest me eg Valentines but it's one day and people who want to celebrate it should be free to do so. I've rarely read posts from entitled princesses expecting the world. Most just want to be spoiled as Fathers and MILs.

[WatcherOfTheNight]

I half agree with you Op but that's because of my own circumstances,which I understand aren't like everyone else's .
I'm basically unable to leave the house at the moment,I can't cope with it & have so many threads hidden on here .
I'd give anything to have my DD here so I do tend to think why can't people just be grateful for what they have ?
It's my second Mother's Day without her ,I miss her so much ,just a hug & a cup of tea ,she made the best tea .

[AmIRightOrAMeringue]

I guess people can moan about what they like, but I can't see why people get so wound up when their husband has organised something and got them a present but it's the wrong activity, not the right type of present, etc. I don't know if it's other frustrations about their relationship coming to the surface (for instance I'm sure I'd be more annoyed about not getting a lie in if my husband had a lie in every other day of the year). But I then feel like they should be sorting out the lack of respect in general or trying to even out the division of labor in general, rather than concentrating on one day