AIBU to be annoyed with DH about Mother’s Day?

[Diplodoci]

DH: (this morning) What do you want for Mother’s Day?
Me: A rest! (I’m exhausted from constantly looking after DC, reading books, playing trains, cooking meals, shoving spoons in mouths, washing up, changing nappies, wiping faces, getting up at night, etc)

Tonight DH announces that he’s booked a zoo trip and a meal on Sunday for himself, MIL and DC. So I can rest all day because they’ll be out from 9am.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?! Obviously I’d like to spend Mother’s Day with my own DC. My DM will expect to see DC when I take her gift. I’m happy for DH to take DC to visit MIL when he takes her gift, but not for the entire day.

DH has defended himself saying I asked for a rest! But “a rest” doesn’t mean “take DC away for the full day”. Does it? I was thinking more along the lines of me not lifting a finger all day while DH cooks and does everything for DC.

Apparently it’s now too late to cancel because he’s booked tickets and told MIL who is excited about it. And I can’t go with them because MIL and I don’t get along.

I would love it!! Book a spa day! What a treat!

Yabu.... I would LOVE that!

But “a rest” doesn’t mean “take DC away for the full day”. Does it?

It is an interpretation of what you asked for imo.

I think the issue here is the other 364 days you do all the work and your DH is a passive parent.

I do think YABU, simply because if he never does it the other days why would you think he’d step up on Mother’s Day? And equally why would you think that would be restful, when your kids are (I presume) too young to know today is Different.

I think the bigger conversation is your dynamic the rest of the year! Because you obviously don’t say how you feel or what you mean. I’d enjoy the peace tbh, have a lie in, watch some Netflix, have a bath, eat lunch in peace!

This thread reminds me of this..,,

I think your DH has been very thoughtful, giving you the day to yourself.
You can spend time with your DC on Saturday and I assume you will be able to see your child in the morning before they set off and when they return.
Enjoy your day off!
Feels a bit like he can't do right for doing wrong.

Sounds like the issue is you only get one day off a year......
Maybe it's time to work out how he can contribute more equally?

Lol at someone up thread saying 'it's not all about you' 🤣

What he's done shouldn't be saved for Mother's Day, it's a natural thing to do if your partner is overwhelmed and wants a rest (from the children) to take them out. What op wants is a rest (from the daily grind) and, as it's mother's day, maybe a bit of appreciation and love from her family and give her a break that she obviously doesn't get. It sounds a lazy way of dh getting out of having to do any grunt work to me.

YABU to be mad, he has taken you at your word, if you wanted something different then you needed to be more specific.

And it’s just a bloody day! Some marketing nonsense. If the division of labour regarding the children is off then tackle that across the whole year not focusing on this one day.

If I were you I’d have a leisurely bath then go out for a boozy lunch with your own mum.

Yanbu.

Instead of getting up with DC and getting on with it, he's arranged a day out with a babysitter to help. He's treating himself to a day out with his DM and wrapping it up as giving you a rest. If he was treating you he would be getting up in the night, taking the DC out for breakfast and the park first thing so you could sleep or rest. Maybe he would book lunch for you and the DC or with your mum or friends?

He doesn't get it and needs to step up. I would take him at his offer and do fuck all. No housework or making dinner, maybe have a nice breakie with DC before they go out take yourself out for a drink with friends so you aren't there for bedtime (which he can do).

I often think my perfect rest day is somewhat akin to rich Victorian parenting. I don't want to be without my little boy particulArly. But I want him washed, dressed and fed, and all the other domestic shite and screaming dealt with by my someone else. And then at regular intervals of the day, when he's calm and delightful, he can be presented to me, and I can marvel at how gorgeous he is...

However that's not real life. I'd be pissed off at my family leaving me on Mother's Day for a break, although depending on whether your husband is generally an arse, or whether he just took you literally at your word, only you know. If I was alone in the house all day for a break however, I wouldn't feel the need to do dishes. Fuck that!

Use his offer, and tell him you enjoyed it SO much that once a month he can have the children for the day.

Mothering Sunday lasts all day, and you know your children will be around the day before and afterwards, don't get caught up on the public relations exercise of spoiling your mum means playing homage...
Enjoy your child free hours.

I think you are being a bit harsh. Having a day to yourself where you can do what you want, is, in fact, a rest. If you'd said a rest from chores and cooking or something that would be different.

But then I would kill for a whole day or when half a day on my own at the moment. Also I tend to think people say what they mean, and take things quite literally.

I would hate this too but I can see how your DH might have thought you'd like it. Can he add you to the booking? (Sorry, haven't RTFT.)

The amount of venom being thrown towards this man is astounding even for MN standards.

Can any man ever do anything right in this place?

I can see what he was thinking to be fair.

I asked for the same thing, just a day to set up a sewing area and to relax. Have a bath in peace, read, that kind of thing.

He's arranged to take dd out for the day on Saturday instead, he did originally suggest Sunday but dd was very clear that wasn't happening in the way only a 9 year old girl can! So Saturday while I'm exercising he's taking dd off shopping and to the cinema. I will get until 3 in peace.

YABU - you said you wanted a rest and that's what he's arranged - he's not a bloody mind reader!!

Enjoy the day off!

It reads as if there was no way he could get this right in your eyes (is that you, sis?).
If you’re so exhausted taking care of your child, is it reasonable to ask him to do it AND wait on you hand and foot at the same time? Sounds like a set up for a day of criticism and some kind of “payback” here, I don’t blame him for taking the kid out for the day. Or for involving his own mum, who presumably will be pleased to see them both.
You got what you asked for.

I wonder if the DH was going out on his own with the dc whether the OP so fed up about it all.

Would you be feeling this way if he was just taking ds out without MIL?

Of course she wouldn't, if MiL wasn't involved there wouldn't be any problem. I feel really sorry for modern men, they just can't get it right.

YANBU. I’d be gutted to miss out on a family day out like that. I enjoy spending time with my family. I do talk about wanting a break or a rest sometimes, but I don’t complain about actually being around the children, because I like them, there is a difference between these two things.

I also find my MIL difficult, and if my DH did this he would know I wouldn’t be happy to be essentially “replaced” for the day by MIL. If your DH is aware you don’t get on then I’d say your feelings weren’t his biggest consideration when arranging this. And as another poster said, if it was a treat for you he’d have booked something nice for you. Don’t lift a finger around the house while they’re out!

YANBU in my opinion. I agree with previous posters that, whilst he's technically done as you asked, he's also seen it as an opportunity to score brownie points with his own mum and it also means he's got her there all day to help with the kids. So he's still not really parenting them on his own for the day! (I don't get on with my MIL either so I'd be in the same predicament as you OP).

I'd be gutted if it was me - I love family days out as we don't get to do it very often, so I'd be pretty pissed off if he informed me that he's made plans to fuck off out for the day with the kids and MIL and I'm left to entertain myself. I suspect that what you'd have actually preferred was for him to get up with the kids, sort their breakfast, let you get ready in peace and THEN go out as a family. I know that's what I would want anyway.

I know people are saying the poor bloke can't win, and yes to be fair he's giving you a rest which is what you wanted - but he should have asked before going ahead and making plans with the MIL. It's not hard to just ASK FIRST. At the very least, he should have arranged something for you too! (Like a spa, or a nice lunch out with a friend/your own mum etc?).I know if I was left at home on my own I'd just be looking at all the washing that needs doing, and the hoovering/cleaning etc. I'd feel like I'd have to do it rather than sitting on my arse all day because otherwise DH would come home and although he wouldn't say anything, he'd do that thing where he looks round and then does a little sigh. Ugh.

I can't see what he's done wrong! You said you wanted a rest so he's planned one for you. Poor bloke. Just enjoy your child-free day. Sounds like heaven.

Sounds perfect to me as well. Quiet day to myself and no having to see my MIL....