AIBU to be annoyed with DH about Mother’s Day?

[Diplodoci]

DH: (this morning) What do you want for Mother’s Day?
Me: A rest! (I’m exhausted from constantly looking after DC, reading books, playing trains, cooking meals, shoving spoons in mouths, washing up, changing nappies, wiping faces, getting up at night, etc)

Tonight DH announces that he’s booked a zoo trip and a meal on Sunday for himself, MIL and DC. So I can rest all day because they’ll be out from 9am.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?! Obviously I’d like to spend Mother’s Day with my own DC. My DM will expect to see DC when I take her gift. I’m happy for DH to take DC to visit MIL when he takes her gift, but not for the entire day.

DH has defended himself saying I asked for a rest! But “a rest” doesn’t mean “take DC away for the full day”. Does it? I was thinking more along the lines of me not lifting a finger all day while DH cooks and does everything for DC.

Apparently it’s now too late to cancel because he’s booked tickets and told MIL who is excited about it. And I can’t go with them because MIL and I don’t get along.

He's being an arse. Is he going to provide lovely snacks, perhaps a nice dvd to watch, or chocolates to enjoy? Or is he just going to leave the house?
My husband is a bit crap at choosing gifts, but even he would have worked out that spending a wad of cash on his mother while giving his wife fuck all was, at best, a piss-poor plan!

YABU you asked for a rest and he is giving you one, but it just do happens he Decided to let his DM join in! NOTHING wrong with that! Book yourself a massage and relax!!👍

If you are not comfortable with it then I would just say you are going with the DC. If mil still wants to go then an extra ticket will be needed. Dont get resentful, just change it.

@diplodoci yep when ever my DH has kids for the day he just goes up to his parents house ie he faffs about with his dad and MIL looks after the kids 🙄🙄🤔🤔

He says.. You're getting time to yourself, my mums seeing the kids and I'm getting to do stuff I don't usually get chance to do... Everyone is winning what's the issue 🤔

Tbf I do kinda see his point but on mothers days I'd be really pissed off

I actually think DH doesn’t want to do the work of solo parenting for the day so has decided to rope in MIL.

You're right. Clearly doesn't want to see his own mum on mother's day.

F.M.L.

He can't win can he. Gave you literally what you wanted. So rest.

I do feel very sorry sometimes for the man in your life! He asked what you want, he arranges it and he's still in the wrong!

So you wanted a rest from doing everything but you didn't want him to parent on his own terms nor for mil to have a day she will apparently value.

Well tough. It's not actually all about you. Thank your husband, have a nice day and try appreciating what you have in the future.

He's managed to give you exactly what you asked for and make his mum happy at the same time.

Men are dense. You asked for a rest, he has arranged it.
You can’t fault him for that.

He didn’t realise that what you meant was a lie in, breakfast made & all dishes done, an afternoon in the park and lunch out but an evening meal prepped and cooked by him & evening routine done by him whilst you take it easy.

Next year spell it out.

How old are the DC?

I'd imagine a full day even with MIL's help will still be tiring as he's not used to it.
Make yourself scarce incase the kids get cranky and he decides to come home early because he's had enough.

I would make the most of it.

Had the day by myself - didn’t see the kids all day.

Weird

No, not weird

This just seems like wanting to watch him solo parent. That's weird, but I'm sending a bit of a lazy bloke backstory who was required to prove himself so I'm out.

Day to myself sounds perfect, but I'm not the 'making memories' type.

You get a rest during the day. Just ask that they be back for 4pm ish so you can have dinner with them. Get an M&S buffet or plan dinner at your fave place.

Your thinking it’s wank being alone all day because society says you should be with your kids. It’s not a bad thing to have a day off.

Let him have the day and arrange a nice tea. Or take advantage and have the day Alone and get a take away in bed.

It’s mother’s day. Do what you want!

*sensing

I think this sounds amazing.

I'd love to spend the day in bed eating cakes and watching TV without anyone (other than me) needing to be taken to the toilet, fed or entertained!

He didn’t realise that what you meant was a lie in, breakfast made & all dishes done, an afternoon in the park and lunch out but an evening meal prepped and cooked by him & evening routine done by him whilst you take it easy.

Woah, fuck that. It's well easier Disney dadding with MIL nanny at the zoo for a day.... Oh.. Wait a minute...

It’s never too late to cancel anything.

YANBU. MIL gets to play mommy and you have Alone Day.

What he should have done is organise a nice day where you get a rest and are treated to whatever you find nice and he looks after DC in your presence.

YABu sorry. He’s not a mind reader!

I also think that it’s genuine misunderstanding. I had this with my DH a few times when I was moaning and he answered straight away “we will go to the town on Saturday for the whole day then”.
I think it’s what he fancies for himself as a treat!

Put a positive spin on it though.

Card and present and cup of tea in bed.

Bye bye ds and DH.

Back to bed with coffee and toast.
Watch Netflix in bed until 2pm.

Shower
Get dressed and wash and dry hair.

Go for a walk/lunch/pub

Home
Glass wine

Dh and ds home
Takeaway

Bed

Sounds bloody AMAZING!

He's a bloke.
You asked for a rest.
He organised one.
You're a woman - you maybe assumed he would do nuanced

He didn't pick up on you actually wanting a rest including your children, because you didn't spell that out to him. Comms issue.
Commiserations, but make plans to get the absolute best out of your day off.

At least you are now pre-warned for next year, & know to give him the exact specifics of what you would like him to arrange.

I still want to be mum on Mother's day but minis all the tedious chores

Yes, this is what I was thinking. Someone else gets up with DC and cooks my breakfast, I can actually get showered on my own for once, I can enjoy a nice family lunch and not have to feed anyone except myself, and most importantly I’m not on constant alert with one eye on DC because someone else is in charge. Basically I want to be DH for the day!

3rd line in post above meant to end 'nuanced thinking.'

And disclaimer for generalised gender stereotyping, but this does tend to be how blokes operate.

YABU . When I say to OH I need a rest he knows both him and DD need to fuck off. I'm touched out,peopled out and everything out. Going somewhere would be idea of hell and if we're at home, DD will still need me for a billion things no matter how available it willing OH is, or he will start cleaning and I'll feel like I have to do something too and just no...

My rest days means both of them out of the house.

Now,if he's generally shit ...YABU because he won't suddenly change and meet your expectations.

If he's normally ok, then YANBU for being pissy at your different interpretations of "rest".

I would have slow late breakfast, then shopping, then afternoon tea. Perfect day! You might even like it.