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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with DH about Mother’s Day?

218 replies

Diplodoci · 28/03/2019 21:36

DH: (this morning) What do you want for Mother’s Day?
Me: A rest! (I’m exhausted from constantly looking after DC, reading books, playing trains, cooking meals, shoving spoons in mouths, washing up, changing nappies, wiping faces, getting up at night, etc)

Tonight DH announces that he’s booked a zoo trip and a meal on Sunday for himself, MIL and DC. So I can rest all day because they’ll be out from 9am.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?! Obviously I’d like to spend Mother’s Day with my own DC. My DM will expect to see DC when I take her gift. I’m happy for DH to take DC to visit MIL when he takes her gift, but not for the entire day.

DH has defended himself saying I asked for a rest! But “a rest” doesn’t mean “take DC away for the full day”. Does it? I was thinking more along the lines of me not lifting a finger all day while DH cooks and does everything for DC.

Apparently it’s now too late to cancel because he’s booked tickets and told MIL who is excited about it. And I can’t go with them because MIL and I don’t get along.

OP posts:
Orangeballon · 29/03/2019 00:05

He was doing as you asked, stop having a tantrum and enjoy the rest.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 29/03/2019 00:07

I don't know - you said you wanted a rest and he is giving you one! I think it sounds like a great plan.

IHeartKingThistle · 29/03/2019 00:21

If he stays home with the DC and does all the things you normally do, be honest - are you really going to relax, or are you going to be on edge all day because he's not doing things the way you do them? If your DC are tiny they won't know that Daddy is doing everything that day, they'll still come running to you and then you'll be cross with DH for not giving you a break. I really truly think it won't be the day you're imagining. Let him go to the damn zoo and enjoy your day!

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 29/03/2019 01:45

How the fuck is that a rest? You stay in the house all day surrounded by laundry and dishes while they have a jolly? He comes home tired and presumably you take over dinner bath and bed?

He should have ASKED YOU if this was something you wanted, specifically.

A spa day for you and a friend while he watched the kids and did the housework is a rest.

I think you should put your foot down. Or at least insist on a real rest day in leiu.

jameswong · 29/03/2019 02:15

Basically I want to be DH for the day!

Yeah, I came in to post this after reading the OP.

YABU. You never asked to be DH for the day. You asked for a rest. As a number of other posters have pointed out, for many parents the only true rest comes when we are entirely child free for a period of time. Perhaps your husband is of the same mind?

MaverickSnoopy · 29/03/2019 02:46

Only on mumsnet would you get this sort of response.

Generally speaking it is polite to check plans with people before going ahead and booking them when it will impact them. This is your day. Imagine if he did this on your birthday! Is it really so much to expect for DH to say "I was thinking of taking the children to the zoo, when you say you want a rest, did you mean all day or do you want to spend some time with us?".

I told my DH that I'd like a rest and he took this to mean that I'd like it if he made breakfast, I got a lie in, we go out for lunch etc. He checked with me too. Novelty.

Anyway what matters now is that you're not happy about the plan. Can you compromise? They go early and just for a few hours? So maybe home by 2pm for lunch (that they bring). If not then I'd be asking them to cancel.

StoppinBy · 29/03/2019 02:50

I knew what you meant BUT I feel sorry for your DH in this, he thought he was doing the right thing, clearly from your standpoint he didn't get it right but he was being very thoughtful in his approach to giving you what he thought you asked for.

wombat1a · 29/03/2019 02:59

Blimey, can I borrow him to train DH here? That sounds fab to me.

NightCzar · 29/03/2019 03:44

Take your mum out for a lovely lunch and enjoy the peace. It's just a day. You'll see the kids on Saturday (and Monday, Tuesday etc etc)

MindatWork · 29/03/2019 05:36

“Yes, this is what I was thinking. Someone else gets up with DC and cooks my breakfast, I can actually get showered on my own for once, I can enjoy a nice family lunch and not have to feed anyone except myself, and most importantly I’m not on constant alert with one eye on DC because someone else is in charge. Basically I want to be DH for the day!”

This sounds indicative of other problems in your relationship OP - does DH ever do anything with the children? Do you ever get any time off or are you always 100% default childcare?

Layoverlife · 29/03/2019 05:44

@TemporaryPermanant You're Post! 😂

user1480880826 · 29/03/2019 05:44

Sounds like a great day to me. You already spend all day, every day with your kid by the sounds of it. He’s arranged an entire day off for you (which is what you asked for).

Mother’s Day is just another day. Take rest in whatever form it comes.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 29/03/2019 06:09

I think it’s really kind of him, I would lay on the sofa all day with wine and chocolate and the TV and rest then go to bed at 6pm before they got home.

Had you all been at home you would have ending up complaining that this wasn’t a rest as the kids would still be coming to you and saying “mum can you do this....” because that’s what they do.

Also MIL also deserves to see the DC on mother’s day just as much as your DM so your DH has killed two birds with one stone.

Seems pretty well done tbh.

slipperywhensparticus · 29/03/2019 06:14

Whatever you do dont lift a finger make it clear he needs to do the housework too because it's not a rest if your still doing it albeit without your own children

Curiousmum69 · 29/03/2019 06:20

Sounds like the perfect mothers day to me!

yearinyearout · 29/03/2019 06:36

YABU. He asked you what you wanted and you said a rest, that's exactly what you'll get!
Why not have a think about how you can spend your day of rest? Got any child free friends who would like to catch up over a nice lunch? Fancy watching films in bed with a box of chocolates? The world is your oyster, just make the most of the peace and quiet.

SEsofty · 29/03/2019 06:43

Actually I’ve been thinking about this and I think that this is indicative of wider issues. It seems that he doesn’t really do much with the kids normally.

Eg what you’v said about wanting a shower and both looking after the kids at mealtimes should be normal weekend behaviour

adulthumanwolf · 29/03/2019 06:51

I think you should let him go.

Get in a hot bath with a book and a bottle of fizz.

Fridasrage · 29/03/2019 07:03

While it does sound like there was a mix up with communication between you and DH and he got the wrong end of the stick, I don't think it's reasonable that he booked a trip on mothers day without asking you and is unwilling to change his plans because it might upset his mother. IMO it wouldn't be the end of the world to explain to his mum that he got this wrong and that he'd prefer to go to the zoo with you as a family.

Sounds to me like he's prioritising peace in his relationship with his mother over your feelings here.

Happyspud · 29/03/2019 07:06

Oh my goodness, that is a nice gift! I’d sleep in, then maybe go to the cinema or shopping or something!

sparklefarts · 29/03/2019 07:15

I think your DH is a genius! You asked for a rest! You can lay about watching what you want and snacking! Brilliant!

GreatDuckCookery · 29/03/2019 07:15

And yes I also think he’s seen an opportunity to score points by handing MIL my DC for the full day

Very telling. They aren’t just your dc though. They’re his too. Is there a problem between you and MIL then?

Tbh I think it does sound a bit shit. Yes you did ask for it but he could have let you have a lie in, bring you breakfast in bed, take you out for lunch and look after the dc during the day even. Sounds like he took your request literally.

Make the most of your child free day.

Skittlesandbeer · 29/03/2019 07:21

Well obviously he’s figured himself quite the genius, killed two mother’s day duties with one stone. You get your rest, his mum gets the fun day out. Only problem is, Mother’s Day is supposed to be about making YOU feel special. That might include consulting you on the plans, maybe? Not being lumped in with granny?

I’d be cross too. But I’d have asked for a rest (from all of them) then a nice dinner out.

MashedSpud · 29/03/2019 07:27

Make sure he does all the housework on Saturday so you really do get a rest.

Let’s face it, his mother is going to be looking after them all and they’ll eat out so wine and a takeaway for you.

Bagpuss5 · 29/03/2019 07:28

Being DH for the day won't work as he can't do your job well enough to keep the DCs out of the way ... be realistic- do you really think he can engage the DVs fully while he cooks s meal/ tidies round / looks for there outdoor stuff etc etc