AIBU to be annoyed with DH about Mother’s Day?

[Diplodoci]

DH: (this morning) What do you want for Mother’s Day?
Me: A rest! (I’m exhausted from constantly looking after DC, reading books, playing trains, cooking meals, shoving spoons in mouths, washing up, changing nappies, wiping faces, getting up at night, etc)

Tonight DH announces that he’s booked a zoo trip and a meal on Sunday for himself, MIL and DC. So I can rest all day because they’ll be out from 9am.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?! Obviously I’d like to spend Mother’s Day with my own DC. My DM will expect to see DC when I take her gift. I’m happy for DH to take DC to visit MIL when he takes her gift, but not for the entire day.

DH has defended himself saying I asked for a rest! But “a rest” doesn’t mean “take DC away for the full day”. Does it? I was thinking more along the lines of me not lifting a finger all day while DH cooks and does everything for DC.

Apparently it’s now too late to cancel because he’s booked tickets and told MIL who is excited about it. And I can’t go with them because MIL and I don’t get along.

Basically I want to be DH for the day!

:) ha!

So next year, tell him so!!
Hope you make yourself a lovely day on sunday x

Basically I want to be DH for the day!

Then ask for that. Tell him that what you actually want is enjoying the fun stuff for once while he takes all the responsibility.

He's a wanker op. If he was going to give you a day away from the kids he should have booked something nice for you to do and he stay home with the kids.

I hope you aren't one of those people that will spend the free day catching up on housework etc.

Let them go off on their day out and book yourself something nice to do on your own.

I get what you're saying about a day where your DH does everything but would you really be able to step back? I think a rest is being on your own. Going on a family day out and not helping with the kids at lunch or keeping an eye on them wouldn't work for me because I wouldn't be able not to.

YANBU.
If you can’t see this for the amazing gift that it is, then you’re not that tired!

I’m going against the grain here to say - def YANBU!!!!

I think the key phrase in your OP is the last one - that you “can’t go because you and MIL don’t get on”

He’s taken your request for a rest - not as what it actually means, which is that he gets up with the kids and you have a lovely long lie in and then enjoy some time as a family -

And used it as an excuse to take his own mother out for a lovely day trip and meal with her DGC - that conveniently you can’t possibly join them for - because you and MIL don’t get on...

This is an underhand move and not a very clever one either.

But now it’s done - make sure you get that lie in and if they all have to leave the house early that they do it without disturbing you

And then enjoy your day doing whatever you damn well please!

Ugghh, YANBU at all. By having a rest you mean having a day with your children but from his perspective, eg enjoying the children without having to do all the tedious day to day tasks with them. Spending a day with them but with just the fun bits.
I would be livid with this but in his defence maybe he was just literally taking you at your word. Only you know him and know what his actual intentions were.
However it plays out, I hope you enjoy your day.

Jeez the poor bloke can't win! You said you wanted a rest he's given you a rest!

You asked for a rest, you’re getting a rest! You really can’t complain that it doesn’t meet the specific conditions that you failed to specify 😆

I think there is an easy compromise. Explain that although you appreciate he has taken you at your word, you'd actually be really upset to not spend some time with your family on Mother's Day. With that I mind, ask if he can come back by mid afternoon so you can spend the rest of the afternoon doing something nice together.

I’ve spent a few mother’s days without the kids. Takes a while for the ringing in my ears to stop but after that I love it lol

YANBU op

Yes you are, get a grip woman

Am I the only one who thinks he has used your ‘rest’ answer to solve his issue as to how to meet his mother’s demands (I suspect ‘demands’ because you don’t get on) ?
This. Convenient way of him treating his mum on mother's day.

YABVU. He kindly asked what you wanted, you told him you wanted a rest, and he has gone ahead and given you exactly what you asked for.

If you wanted something specific you should have made that clear. He’s not a mind reader.

I think you are just annoyed that MIL is going. If he were going himself with the DC then I am willing to bet good money you wouldn't be that bothered.

I just don’t get MN these days. All this ‘you asked for a rest, you got it’ bollocks.
I too would be well fucked off if everyone else was having a fun day out plus a meal and I was left totally on my own.
A rest is someone else doing all the shit you do day in, day out, not you missing out on the day trip!
Why didn’t he ASK you before booking it all? It’s pretty easy, ‘I was thinking of a trip to the zoo and a meal out, or would you prefer me to take the kids out for the day so you get some peace and quiet?’
This day out suits him - he gives the impression he is a brilliant son by ‘treating’ his DM but actually he’s just replacing you who normally does all the childcare with his mother.
But now it’s done, don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself, do something fabulous, whatever that may be for you. Trip to town shopping? Lunch with a friend? Day at a spa? Walk in the country? But don’t cook, clean etc. Treat yourself. No-one else will.

YANBU, so everybody gets a day out and you are stuck home alone. I totally get it - you just want to have a nice relaxing day where somebody else picks up after the DC and you can just do the fun bits of parenting. Instead they'll be off on an exciting trip to the zoo while you are stuck at home. Put your foot down, DH cancels.

Sounds brilliant. Your kids sound too young to really “get” Mother’s Day, right? But they are probably old enough to love telling you all about the zoo when they get home.

I said to my DH last year that, now we have a toddler, it has dawned on me that MD when your kids are small is all about getting a break from them, it’s only when you have teens and adults that you see it as a way to force them to spend more time with you!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3539955-AIBU-to-want-this-on-Mothers-Day

He is literallly following MNHQ’s advice!

I do understand where you are coming from.
What about getting 2 extra tickets. Go and take your dm with you. You get a family day. Dm, dh and mil can deal with the children. And you can take photos and enjoy the day minus the stress of chasing the children.

Pretty much the only time single parenting is more straight forward.

YANBU! It’s really thoughtless of him not to have checked that you didn’t want to go on the trip. If I were you I’d go, regardless of MIL or request he cancels.

I don't think you can complain, he's giving you what you wanted.

Change the plan. On Sunday you will be going to the zoo as a family.

On Saturday you’d like to be DH for the day, so he sorts breakfast in bed, lunch and dinner for you. He organises the kids all day. Etc. He also pops to see his mum to hand her a card/flowers/whatever but he ensures he is home in time to fulfill all his household tasks.

He can please one mother this mother’s day. Does he want it to be the mother of his children or not?